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Old 05-16-2012, 02:34 AM
 
5,546 posts, read 8,868,022 times
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FOO = Family of Origin

I guess I have completely cut one of my siblings out of my life, while another has completely cut me out of his life, and the last remaining sibling is a rather tenuous situation.

At any rate, I read all the time about people who have gone no contact with their mothers, fathers, maybe siblings, and just wondering what your experience has been, if any.

Also, if you've done this, has it made your life better or do you regret it?
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Old 05-16-2012, 11:18 AM
 
Location: On the edge of the universe
994 posts, read 1,398,330 times
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I did 'divorce' most of my extended family just to protect myself from the endless politics and crap on both side of the family. It wasn't easy but I had no choice.
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Old 05-16-2012, 05:03 PM
 
Location: FL
1,727 posts, read 2,246,144 times
Reputation: 1047
Quote:
Originally Posted by mistygrl092 View Post
FOO = Family of Origin

I guess I have completely cut one of my siblings out of my life, while another has completely cut me out of his life, and the last remaining sibling is a rather tenuous situation.

At any rate, I read all the time about people who have gone no contact with their mothers, fathers, maybe siblings, and just wondering what your experience has been, if any.

Also, if you've done this, has it made your life better or do you regret it?

Hi misty,

I have never found it necessary to go no contact, but I do find it necessary to go limited contact at times.

My daughter move to another state, I think because of some family issues along with some social issues. My husband has no relationship with is father. His mother cut off her sister and her mother. It seems like a bit of a trend in their family. He and my daughter didn't speak for 1-2 weeks at one point. I got after both of them to "fix things".

I can't say it's never appropriate to go "NC" but in my opinion, things have got to be really bad and it should be a last resort.

Of course instances of molestation would be a good reason. Beyond that, any type of physical abuse, or constant verbal or mental abuse that is beyond the victim's ability to handle, would be reasonable.

Sometimes (unfortunately) our family members can be toxic to us and we can't seem to fix it. It may be a sad decision, but sometimes it does become necessary.
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Old 05-16-2012, 08:08 PM
 
Location: In chilly Omaha (suburb) NE
1,455 posts, read 2,637,532 times
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I've done it.
Healthy move to lose contact with FOO, no regrets.
I get contacted by one fair uncle through e-mail.
Others (cousins) contact me through FB.
Those who want my info have it, but I don't get or return many calls and there is less heartache.
When I desire it, contact is on my terms, and it is very acceptable in that fashion.
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Old 05-16-2012, 11:22 PM
 
2,873 posts, read 4,952,923 times
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I pretty much have cut off all contact with my siblings expect one. I have four brothers and 1 sister. I keep in contact with one of my brothers. The other three I just have no interest in and they have no interest in me. My sister I will not speak with on the phone, and I am now considering cutting off e-mail contact as well. She's very controlling and anything I share with her is immediately spread around. I also have a cousin that is the same way and I avoid contact with her for the same reason. I spent two hours this morning literally trapped upstairs because she was visiting my mother (who I live with as a caretaker).

I do struggle with this because my mother wants to 'keep the peace' and doesn't want me to actually tell my sister or cousin why I avoid them. So I feel like I can't be honest...not that I think our relationships would change if I were, but I end up feeling like I'm not allowed to stick up for myself. For instance, my cousin was complaining to my mother today about something my mother allowed to happen during my childhood (basically I had a relationship with someone online when I was a teen). My sister has mentioned this incident recently as well. It is absolutely none of their business, I don't need them berating my mother for it, and I really want to tell them this. But there's a family wedding soon and my mother doesn't want any stress around it since we'll see each other there.
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Old 05-17-2012, 06:02 AM
 
Location: In chilly Omaha (suburb) NE
1,455 posts, read 2,637,532 times
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I don't concede for keeping the peace in family stress. One person suffers (typically the same person) and that person rarely experiences family peace, they are sacrificed on a regular basis. Those who seek peace are not asking for any favors. It doesn't end. That's why I quit the game.
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Old 05-17-2012, 06:16 AM
 
Location: Location: Location
6,517 posts, read 8,194,761 times
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We put the fun in dysfunctional. All the parents, biological and step-, are now deceased.
I had a half-brother, maternal side, now deceased. His ex-wife and I have had no contact for years. His daughter and wife cut me out of the equation at the time of his death (from cancer) because I didn't come to see him as frequently as they would have liked. (He lived 120 miles away and I was recovering from open-heart surgery (which they didn't seem to feel was important). They were so incensed they didn't include my status in his obit. No regrets here.

I have a step-sister, (Father's second wife's child) with whom I have had no contact for 40 years, until her husband had surgery last year and she sent me all the particulars. I have two half-sisters (paternal side) one of whom has ignored me for 25 years, suddenly sends a Christmas card asking me to "get in touch". The other half-sister sends a Christmas card yearly, and with whom I have intermittently corresponded.

All of my maternal cousins were estranged because of actions on my late mother's part. We had been close growing up but mommy put the kibosh on that. I do wish that hadn't happened.
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Old 05-17-2012, 07:47 PM
 
Location: USA
1,589 posts, read 1,801,541 times
Reputation: 1630
Quote:
Originally Posted by mistygrl092 View Post
FOO = Family of Origin

I guess I have completely cut one of my siblings out of my life, while another has completely cut me out of his life, and the last remaining sibling is a rather tenuous situation.

At any rate, I read all the time about people who have gone no contact with their mothers, fathers, maybe siblings, and just wondering what your experience has been, if any.

Also, if you've done this, has it made your life better or do you regret it?
As far as I can see, it's a good idea to divorce yourself from people who make you feel bad. Even if they are relatives. We don't choose our relatives, we are stuck with them and some are very incompatible. So it's best to separate from those. My in-laws have peace because they did that. I also don't get involved with some of my relatives and life is very peaceful.
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Old 05-19-2012, 12:20 AM
 
Location: In a state of denial
1,289 posts, read 2,726,692 times
Reputation: 942
Some are dead. Some I'm divorced from. Some not. It is what it is.
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Old 05-20-2012, 11:42 AM
 
Location: Mostly in my head
19,865 posts, read 57,962,611 times
Reputation: 19187
It is odd to me how my mother and her cousins were like siblings growing up but I had minimal contact with their children as a child and even less as an adult. I have not spoken to my first cousin since I called him to tell him my mother died. I last talked to my sister 5 or 6 yrs ago although she does keep in touch infrequently with my children (she has no children). I just have no interest in them and it seems to go both ways!

I have the family I made where I have lived, i.e., friends, and I keep in touch with them although now I live several states away. I think the family you make is more meaningful anyway.
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