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Old 05-22-2012, 06:27 AM
 
Location: Kansas
19,184 posts, read 15,771,487 times
Reputation: 18313

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post
I agree with most of what you said, but that's the dilemma. how do you tell them you are not interested in going to these things but then they take it all personal? that is of course not the desired effect. I also don't see what's wrong with sending a gift each time if they have a registry for baby shower or wedding. Sorry but why do you think it's 'unhealthy' to sit in the house all the time? I mean aside from a short walk, what is wrong? I like to go to the library and the grocery store, my therapist office. that's it really. I have very bad anxiety disorder and generally do not "get" socializing with people. Only did it b/c that's what people say you're supposed to do, now I stop doing what I'm "supposed" to, tired of playing that game.
Well, there is no need to try to make any changes with your life if you are happy the way that you are. So, are you happy with your life? Would you want your life to be any different? I'm thinking that your friends/family are thinking you are not maybe that happy staying at home and are trying to include you for that reason. So, I guess for you, since you are happy with your life, maybe it is not unhealthy to sit in the house all the time but be careful that the short walks end and it starts getting more difficult to get out at all because far too many people are becoming prisoners in their own homes so don't let that happen. What do you enjoy doing though when you stay home, not prying but I can't help but wonder what you might like to be doing if you could overcome the anxiety disorder. Do you want to overcome the anxiety disorder, in other words, do you want to do things but this gets in the way. Know I don't mean to pry but if you could enjoy life more, which I think we all could with effort, I would want to see you do that. I can be rude but I would just flat out tell them "I don't enjoy attending those kinds of events." If they want to know why tell them that they bore you. You should be doing what makes you happy and that which you are comfortable doing unless it would have dire mental or physical effects.
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Old 05-22-2012, 06:31 AM
 
Location: Islip,NY
17,488 posts, read 21,908,583 times
Reputation: 18417
I'll give you another example: My mom does not like to fly alone, she never has so if she wants to fly somewhere I go with her. She has a 10 month old grandson who lives in Chicago. We have been there twice to see him. She has major anxiety getting on a plane even if I go with her. I understand that but my brother and his wife do not. My brother tells her to get over it. My brother had a big fight with my mom on the phone last night about this and he told her it's her fault that she does not see her grandson enough. The only time they come here to visit is if they have a wedding in NY or some other social event, they never come here just to see us there has to be a reason. Other reasons we don't get to Chicago often enough is because we both work and her Job is not flexible and anytime my mom takes vacation her boss gives her a hard time which is BS because she gets 4 weeks vacation. I only work part time and money is tight for DH and I. He ended the fight by saying that "when she dies she will have to live with guilt that she did not spend enough time with her grandson" I think this is awful to say to her. Plus my SIL makes it very uncomfortable to be around. She is not warm and fuzzy she's phony.
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Old 05-22-2012, 07:19 AM
 
Location: So Ca
17,621 posts, read 16,408,624 times
Reputation: 15392
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post
... that's the dilemma. how do you tell them you are not interested in going to these things but then they take it all personal? that is of course not the desired effect. I generally do not "get" socializing with people. Only did it b/c that's what people say you're supposed to do, now I stop doing what I'm "supposed" to, tired of playing that game.
Can't you tell them that you feel uncomfortable at social events and would prefer not to go? If they take it personally, that's their problem and not yours to take on. Your good friends should know you well enough not to push you into doing something that you don't feel comfortable with.

My sister has a close friend who is an introvert and has become less and less social as we've gotten older. She's an attorney and doesn't really like being around people. Her close friends know this now and years ago stopped suggesting that she "get out more." We might worry about her at times but that really is our problem, not hers.
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Old 05-22-2012, 04:47 PM
 
Location: Love, Epicenter
399 posts, read 523,008 times
Reputation: 385
Wait, what's this topic about? If you don't want to go to social events, don't go, Doll Eyes. It's really a choice at the end of the day what you want to do or not do, you know? No one here (that I'm aware of) is trying to force you and like someone else said, eventually people will get tired of inviting you places and you'll just be left to your own devices which is exactly what you want as you've stated.

But then again, I've also posted vent threads too so I understand your desire for camaraderie. *nods*

Carry on...
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Old 05-22-2012, 06:11 PM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,545 posts, read 18,245,791 times
Reputation: 16829
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post
I had to LOL @ you don't like them enough to travel cross country and that on thanksgiving you got a ride and went anyway. I hope you at least brought him back a plate! I'm supposed to be joining a support group too where they preaches "it's good to get out." How do they know it's good for everyone? I don't beleive they know that.
If it wasn't a week long trip (I'd take the train) and we weren't talking the end of November I'd go. It was probably good that I didn't know about how pipes can freeze that year. Or maybe I don't want to see this family do the inevitable splinter and divide as kids have kids and move. Once upon a time my family spent a lot of time together in addition to holidays, and I missed that. I consider my ex's family my second family as they stuck by me and not him.

Thing was with this program they would know from the household spy that I and my roomate didn't spend all day there. It was just they liked deciding the best ways for you to get out. I'd be perfectly happy taking the bus to the shopping area with four thrift stores and checking them out.

What they don't get about loners is that we don't completely want to be alone, but the company is extremely important. Find me some fans and we can talk celtic/folk/fantasy folk music, star trek, alternate history, I'd be very happy to socialize. The latest reality shows? Ugh, I can turn that OFF at home.
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Old 05-22-2012, 06:24 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,712 posts, read 10,312,076 times
Reputation: 7553
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrinieRN View Post
Wait, what's this topic about? If you don't want to go to social events, don't go, Doll Eyes. It's really a choice at the end of the day what you want to do or not do, you know? No one here (that I'm aware of) is trying to force you and like someone else said, eventually people will get tired of inviting you places and you'll just be left to your own devices which is exactly what you want as you've stated.

But then again, I've also posted vent threads too so I understand your desire for camaraderie. *nods*

Carry on...

People have never actually stopped inviting me to things or else I wouldn't have made the thread. someone trying to 'force' anyone to do anything via the net, is moot....What is the topic about? Well you answered early on so I assumed you knew: It's about people inviting to social events but you do not want to go, how do you say this without offending them personally, and a general discussion about this as it pertains to social anxiety and mental health...As you can see I'm not the only one who's been in this situation.
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Old 05-22-2012, 06:27 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,712 posts, read 10,312,076 times
Reputation: 7553
Quote:
Originally Posted by CA4Now View Post
Can't you tell them that you feel uncomfortable at social events and would prefer not to go? If they take it personally, that's their problem and not yours to take on. Your good friends should know you well enough not to push you into doing something that you don't feel comfortable with.

My sister has a close friend who is an introvert and has become less and less social as we've gotten older. She's an attorney and doesn't really like being around people. Her close friends know this now and years ago stopped suggesting that she "get out more." We might worry about her at times but that really is our problem, not hers.



I don't know if anyone else has ever tried explaining to someone who doesn't "get" these disorders or whatever but it's like talking to a brick wall. I remember telling someone what you suggested and they insisted if I went I would feel better. Basically they didn't hear a word I said previously, LOL....Well just out of curiosity, what do they think of her in general, now (the lawyer friend)?
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Old 05-22-2012, 06:37 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,712 posts, read 10,312,076 times
Reputation: 7553
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnywhereElse View Post
Well, there is no need to try to make any changes with your life if you are happy the way that you are. So, are you happy with your life? Would you want your life to be any different? I'm thinking that your friends/family are thinking you are not maybe that happy staying at home and are trying to include you for that reason. So, I guess for you, since you are happy with your life, maybe it is not unhealthy to sit in the house all the time but be careful that the short walks end and it starts getting more difficult to get out at all because far too many people are becoming prisoners in their own homes so don't let that happen. What do you enjoy doing though when you stay home, not prying but I can't help but wonder what you might like to be doing if you could overcome the anxiety disorder. Do you want to overcome the anxiety disorder, in other words, do you want to do things but this gets in the way. Know I don't mean to pry but if you could enjoy life more, which I think we all could with effort, I would want to see you do that. I can be rude but I would just flat out tell them "I don't enjoy attending those kinds of events." If they want to know why tell them that they bore you. You should be doing what makes you happy and that which you are comfortable doing unless it would have dire mental or physical effects.

Didn't you say one time on here that you don't do social things or don't have a social life? ....If so are you happy with your life? As for me I am not "happy" about mostly anything except in short bursts. I don't necessarily beleve in chasing "happy with your life" as a concept anymore. So I'm not really happy or unhappy, I just exist. I don't really even understand why people say, "you could be enjoying life more." By doing what?

When I am at home I like to read ALOT of fiction books, play on the internet/tv/movies, play with my dog, try out recipes and sometimes sit in the park and listen to my ipod/people watch. Also, I don't really beleive anxiety disorder/depression can be 'solved' for everyone. I already tried and I'm tired of trying; interactions never really went well, so I don't know why keep trying. Why or how some people just keep on pushing, I guess they are better people then me. *shrugs*


I have to LOL @ that last part, I have AS and even I wouldn't tell somebody their wedding is probably going to be boring. I hope you don't really say that to people!
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Old 05-22-2012, 06:54 PM
 
Location: Love, Epicenter
399 posts, read 523,008 times
Reputation: 385
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post
People have never actually stopped inviting me to things or else I wouldn't have made the thread. someone trying to 'force' anyone to do anything via the net, is moot....What is the topic about? Well you answered early on so I assumed you knew: It's about people inviting to social events but you do not want to go, how do you say this without offending them personally, and a general discussion about this as it pertains to social anxiety and mental health...As you can see I'm not the only one who's been in this situation.
Give it time then. If you just stop responding or simply say "no" or make up a reason and distance. No, you're not the only one. But if the topic is about not wanting to go to social events because of social anxiety, then the problem really isn't about not wanting to go, it's about being afraid to go, isn't it? And then in that case...maybe the solution really is to just go...or not go. Whichever you choose.
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Old 05-22-2012, 07:03 PM
 
Location: Love, Epicenter
399 posts, read 523,008 times
Reputation: 385
Disregard me. I feel you have all the help and support you need right here.

Love and happiness!
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