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Old 05-24-2012, 05:24 PM
 
Location: So Ca
17,597 posts, read 16,394,053 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post
what other people have said that people are "naturally social" and if you don't enjoy it then something is wrong like AS or depression...
But not everyone is naturally social. Introvert to extrovert ratio in the general population is something like 1 to 4. So you're outnumbered, but people can't really change their temperament (nor should they, or they WILL become depressed).
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Old 05-24-2012, 06:48 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
I work with people all day long. And have to be positive, cheerful, and helpful. Sometimes to people who are quite unpleasant. The weekend, sometimes I am done. I just become a recluse. It was like when I taught school, I came home, and my patience for children was gone.

The other day my BF wanted to go out, I told him I just wanted to stay home. I did not have the energy to be nice or happy. He came over, even though I told him I was grumpy. Gotta love a guy who will watch a movie, on the sofa, and I can wear my old jeans and a sweatshirt. He even brought pizza.

well that's a nice story I guess. I don't know any men like that, but okay.
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Old 05-24-2012, 06:51 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
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Originally Posted by CA4Now View Post
We think her lawyer friend, whom we have known since childhood, just likes to lead a solitary life. However, she's an introvert, so she truly does not like social events. Introverts get their energy from being alone (a great oversimplification, but it works).

However, you mentioned on one of your posts that you have AS. That results in more of a discomfort or anxiety around social situations, so it's different in that it isn't a matter of not liking social situations; the person just doesn't fit in or know how to act around others. (A couple of years ago, I did some work with a high school student who had AS and he was brilliant....and very isolated from his peers. He had one friend and his journals were painful to read. He needed and wanted instruction in how to interact with others.) I realize that there are different levels of AS and it doesn't sound as if you feel you need help in interacting with others...you just don't want to do it, is that right?

well I guess I would need help interacting with others, but it seems pointless trying to get it right at this age. Just like your student, I am isolated from my peer group b/c I have never lived a 'normal' life like theirs. I don't enjoy interacting with them b/c it's not enjoyable to be awkward. People are very nasty and cruel in social situations, so I rather avoid the whole damn thing. Honestly, I'm thinking about quitting my therapy this week. We just go in circles and there's no reason to be going to her, wasting everyone's time if I don't even beleive I can change things.
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Old 05-25-2012, 11:03 AM
 
Location: Kansas
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Doll Eyes: Maybe you need a different therapist or maybe a different type of therapy then what you are getting. Really, after a certain point if there is gridlock, it might be better to see somewhat else.
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Old 05-25-2012, 11:07 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
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Originally Posted by smartygurl View Post
I am suffering from a severe depression right now and am on meds but still depressed. I try to get out anyway. I force myself, but if I don't go somewhere I don't worry about it, and the people I didn't go out with usually don't seem to care anyway if I go or not. At least, they have yet to say anything to me about it.
Ditto on everything you said. Now they've just stopped calling. Its like I'm already dead.
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Old 05-25-2012, 04:12 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
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Originally Posted by AnywhereElse View Post
Doll Eyes: Maybe you need a different therapist or maybe a different type of therapy then what you are getting. Really, after a certain point if there is gridlock, it might be better to see somewhat else.

as I said before I cannot switch therapists, she's my 3rd one and the rest are way out of the network/town for me to be driving....Anyway, I don't beleive therapies work for everyone anyways. My therapist focus on how things "could be" and "should be" and I focus on how things ARE. Why do I want to know how things "could be" they're not that way, so who cares? She like to talk about the possibilities of things that have never happened to me but she claims 'could' happen. The whole thing make no sense to me. So, whatever.
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Old 05-25-2012, 06:00 PM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,545 posts, read 18,239,537 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post
as I said before I cannot switch therapists, she's my 3rd one and the rest are way out of the network/town for me to be driving....Anyway, I don't beleive therapies work for everyone anyways. My therapist focus on how things "could be" and "should be" and I focus on how things ARE. Why do I want to know how things "could be" they're not that way, so who cares? She like to talk about the possibilities of things that have never happened to me but she claims 'could' happen. The whole thing make no sense to me. So, whatever.
I get you. I did therapy, lots of it for awhile. The stuff on issues was very important. I did benefit from it. I still need to find something where I'd feel safe to talk about the really ugly stuff which I keep hidden and is simmering still. I voluntarily went to DBSA groups on Saturday when I felt like it. I enjoyed that, and the social atmosphere of going to lunch after. But the 'official' group stuff, ugh. I quit.

I do best letting myself deal with things. If I let myself think about something, it runs in background, until some thought happens I need to know, and its just 'there'. Those are the important ones. The rest are just speculation. But most of all most 'groups' push 'going out, being with people'.

I'm a deep introvert. I despise having to sit through social situations especially if I have to. I don't every want to see any of them again. And I'm content being a deep introvert who ventures out when its chosen. That is what 'IS'. Those who do therapy are not introverts so it makes sense to them that something else 'should' or 'could' happen. Introverts are not likely to aspire to be therapists.

I don't live in a cave in the backwoods, and my neighbors know me and I pay my bills and have maintined relationships with friends via phone. I haven't made 'close' friends here since I don't have a way to the things where I might find them. Leave me alone, let me live my life as it likes to be lived, and spend their time with someone who might be helped by them. Anything I say which agrees with them will be to get the therapist to go away.
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Old 05-26-2012, 06:59 AM
 
Location: So Ca
17,597 posts, read 16,394,053 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post
Honestly, I'm thinking about quitting my therapy this week. We just go in circles and there's no reason to be going to her, wasting everyone's time if I don't even beleive I can change things.
A person's therapist is supposed to provide enough support for her that she's able to examine issues in her life and possibly change certain behaviors, feelings or attitudes. But the client can't do this unless she feels supported. NO CHANGE can take place if the client believes that her therapist isn't supportive of her. I agree that you should quit. Sometimes therapy can do more harm than good, especially if there is a poor fit between client and therapist.
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Old 05-26-2012, 11:19 AM
 
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I agree. Change does not occur unless the person is willing to be a participant in change. Therapy discusses potential..and future outcomes of current behavior. You can't change the way things are now....so, the focus has to be on changing behavior patterns to have a different future. For example....right now my house is a mess. I can process that issue to death....but it does not change the fact that my house is filthy. However, I can process how to change my behavior so my house won't get messy in the future...and make a plan to change my behavior.
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Old 05-26-2012, 11:41 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,712 posts, read 10,309,820 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CA4Now View Post
A person's therapist is supposed to provide enough support for her that she's able to examine issues in her life and possibly change certain behaviors, feelings or attitudes. But the client can't do this unless she feels supported. NO CHANGE can take place if the client believes that her therapist isn't supportive of her. I agree that you should quit. Sometimes therapy can do more harm than good, especially if there is a poor fit between client and therapist.

I'm not saying she isn't supportive, she is VERY supportive constantly saying I can do this and that, call her anytime. I imagine it is probably exhaustive for her. But what I am saying is that I do not beleive in the stuff she is saying about possibilities it is a bunch of crap, since none of it has ever actually happened.
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