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Old 05-26-2012, 02:43 PM
 
47 posts, read 59,677 times
Reputation: 64

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That's really my main problem.

He's around. I just don't talk to him. It wasn't BAD, but, I felt like as a kid I hung out with all these sort of 'street' kids, who really didn't have dads, as in a BAD way. Wheras mine was not BAD, compared to their situation, so I never acted it out.. as though I was some hurt, wounded person.

I felt I had no reason, or one not as "intense" enough.

Because he didn't die. He didn't leave us, or beat us, or yell. None of that. The complete opposite: he did nothing.


Sometimes, nothing is worse than something bad, but then made up for.

You can't make up for 'nothing'.


So that's that. That's my true problem.
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Old 05-26-2012, 04:37 PM
 
13,051 posts, read 16,097,972 times
Reputation: 15249
What do you mean when you say he did nothing?...Did he not put a roof over your heads and food on the table?...Did he not love your mom?....Was he not there if you needed him?...I don't understand?
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Old 05-27-2012, 05:50 PM
 
Location: Eugenius
593 posts, read 1,269,980 times
Reputation: 580
I had a mom who wasn't there mentally, she would go in her room and take naps for part of the day, didn't work for about 20 years, glued to the TV most of the time, pretty checked out of life, then she died a few years ago. I was mostly raised by my grandparents and my dad was a DB that I was glad I'd never met. I had no siblings and was never properly socialized as a kid. My mom had no friends and didn't seek out people to be friends with, now I emulate that because I don't know what else to do. And she always taught me the world was scary and you didn't go out there and interact in it unless you had to. I know what you mean when you say "you can't make up for 'nothing'" I got nothing, I give nothing.
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Old 05-27-2012, 06:19 PM
 
106 posts, read 179,082 times
Reputation: 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by scratchNsniff View Post
I had a mom who wasn't there mentally, she would go in her room and take naps for part of the day, didn't work for about 20 years, glued to the TV most of the time, pretty checked out of life, then she died a few years ago. I was mostly raised by my grandparents and my dad was a DB that I was glad I'd never met. I had no siblings and was never properly socialized as a kid. My mom had no friends and didn't seek out people to be friends with, now I emulate that because I don't know what else to do. And she always taught me the world was scary and you didn't go out there and interact in it unless you had to. I know what you mean when you say "you can't make up for 'nothing'" I got nothing, I give nothing.
How old are you and what do you do for a living?

Are you friends with former school mates, neighbors, etc.?
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Old 06-02-2012, 03:34 PM
 
Location: FL
1,727 posts, read 2,243,537 times
Reputation: 1047
Quote:
Originally Posted by IwalkLikeArabbit View Post
That's really my main problem.

He's around. I just don't talk to him. It wasn't BAD, but, I felt like as a kid I hung out with all these sort of 'street' kids, who really didn't have dads, as in a BAD way. Wheras mine was not BAD, compared to their situation, so I never acted it out.. as though I was some hurt, wounded person.

I felt I had no reason, or one not as "intense" enough.

Because he didn't die. He didn't leave us, or beat us, or yell. None of that. The complete opposite: he did nothing.


Sometimes, nothing is worse than something bad, but then made up for.

You can't make up for 'nothing'.


So that's that. That's my true problem.
By nothing you mean he was indiferent? I can see how that would hurt.
I'm not convinced that nothing is worse than something bad. I think it would depend on what that bad thing is.

Also, if a Dad who was once indifferent was inclined to try to make up for it, I think it might be possible. I think if a dad wanted to, they could apologize for not being there more and attempt to be more involved in their child or adult childs life.

I'm not saying that will happen, but it is possible.

I think my husband has the same issue with his Dad. There may be some bad stuff that runs deeper, but I think the main problem is indiference possibly on both parts now.

It's possible that indiference is fueled by some type of fear. Fear of being hurt, fear of screwing up. It might not make it "okay", but it sometimes helps me to TRY to understand why people behave the way they do. Of course, there are also times when I realize there is no understanding of why some people do the things they do.
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