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Old 05-26-2012, 05:50 PM
 
77 posts, read 162,584 times
Reputation: 74

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I've neber being in a serious relationship. I have kissed but I don't feel anything, I could have slept when someone touched me and I've never wanted to have sex. I've had many mental issues and I can proudly say that I have overcome many of them. But this was untouchable, I never talked about it. I even feel I am overreacting because something in my mind tells me that having these feelings is not that important.

I am a 24 girl, I am a professionist, I think I am a good friend and physically I would say that my face and body are ok. Apparently on the outside everything is fine.

Guys were interested in me but I just feel like a stupid interpreting a role of flirting. I just accepted some guys visited me home (because I never wanted to hang out).

I never wanted to talk about this, but I have always tried to avoid any kind of relationship, being love or love. The guys who I talked about in the beggining were guys who I really liked and they were very nice person but, I got frustrated when it came the time to intimate and those things because I didn't want to. I did want to because I liked them but I didn't want to because I knew that I was going to feel like a freak for not feeling anything. I see my body and I think it's disgusting, I don't imagine anyone desiring me as a woman, I feel repulsive, like I shouldn't feel anything forever.

I have never known what pleasure means, I don't see it as something pure, I think it's dirty, and I feel dirty for writing about it.

I don't think I'm going to ne able to change it but, I just wanted to express it.
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Old 05-27-2012, 11:40 AM
 
Location: In chilly Omaha (suburb) NE
1,455 posts, read 2,634,145 times
Reputation: 1766
Could be a sexual (aversion or arousal) disorder combined with depression. If it can be named, it can be addressed. That you chose to discuss it may indicate your distress. Please find a therapist to begin working on this. You may also be someone who is asexual (across time, what has been called celibate persons or in biblical terms eunuchs) and you would best identify how you may find comfort in the use of your greater talents. Good luck in getting started. Your privacy would be kept safe and you wouldn't have to hide any more.
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Old 05-27-2012, 12:36 PM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
27,091 posts, read 6,888,301 times
Reputation: 30347
OP, are you t-r-*-l-l-i-n-g, by any chance?



Quote:
Originally Posted by CreepyMuse View Post
I've neber being in a serious relationship. I have kissed but I don't feel anything, I could have slept when someone touched me and I've never wanted to have sex. I've had many mental issues and I can proudly say that I have overcome many of them. But this was untouchable, I never talked about it. I even feel I am overreacting because something in my mind tells me that having these feelings is not that important.

I am a 24 girl, I am a professionist, I think I am a good friend and physically I would say that my face and body are ok. Apparently on the outside everything is fine.

Guys were interested in me but I just feel like a stupid interpreting a role of flirting. I just accepted some guys visited me home (because I never wanted to hang out).

I never wanted to talk about this, but I have always tried to avoid any kind of relationship, being love or love. The guys who I talked about in the beggining were guys who I really liked and they were very nice person but, I got frustrated when it came the time to intimate and those things because I didn't want to. I did want to because I liked them but I didn't want to because I knew that I was going to feel like a freak for not feeling anything. I see my body and I think it's disgusting, I don't imagine anyone desiring me as a woman, I feel repulsive, like I shouldn't feel anything forever.

I have never known what pleasure means, I don't see it as something pure, I think it's dirty, and I feel dirty for writing about it.

I don't think I'm going to ne able to change it but, I just wanted to express it.
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Old 05-27-2012, 04:31 PM
 
13,051 posts, read 16,094,816 times
Reputation: 15249
CreepyMuse....you have to give yourself a chance...you're jumping to conclusions about things that have never happened...you're not allowing yourself to enjoy a relationship with a man because, for some reason, you fear possible pleasures from intimacy....I'm thinking something happened in your younger life that's left you equating being intimate and loved by another,... with repulsion and disgust...I'm glad you've "overcome many" of your "mental issues"....but I'm thinking that you might need some extra help with this one.....obviously men DO find you desirable CreepyMuse, and DO desire intimacy with you...but you are holding them off.....you need to discover and find out why you fear normal pleasurable physical relations with a man, and why it makes you feel dirty and unpure....good luck CreepyMuse
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Old 05-27-2012, 06:46 PM
 
77 posts, read 162,584 times
Reputation: 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kin Atoms View Post
Could be a sexual (aversion or arousal) disorder combined with depression. If it can be named, it can be addressed. That you chose to discuss it may indicate your distress. Please find a therapist to begin working on this. You may also be someone who is asexual (across time, what has been called celibate persons or in biblical terms eunuchs) and you would best identify how you may find comfort in the use of your greater talents. Good luck in getting started. Your privacy would be kept safe and you wouldn't have to hide any more.
I think it's an aversion, I know why but I don't know how to change it. Sometimes I don't even want to wear "sexy" because it would call the attention of men and it's like I can't let that to happen because it would be so wrong. I imagine myself with the profile of a nun and I feel like I'm trying to express the same, demureness, away from sexual acts or thoughts because it's wrong, not so interested in my appearance, just the "normal". And it would be good if I wanted to be a nun but I don't, I want to have a normal life with a healthy mental health but I can't. And unfortunately I can't afford therapy right now.

I don't think I am asexual, I've felt atracted to guys but this fear makes me thing that it's not worth it.

Thank you for your comment.
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Old 05-27-2012, 06:51 PM
 
77 posts, read 162,584 times
Reputation: 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
CreepyMuse....you have to give yourself a chance...you're jumping to conclusions about things that have never happened...you're not allowing yourself to enjoy a relationship with a man because, for some reason, you fear possible pleasures from intimacy....I'm thinking something happened in your younger life that's left you equating being intimate and loved by another,... with repulsion and disgust...I'm glad you've "overcome many" of your "mental issues"....but I'm thinking that you might need some extra help with this one.....obviously men DO find you desirable CreepyMuse, and DO desire intimacy with you...but you are holding them off.....you need to discover and find out why you fear normal pleasurable physical relations with a man, and why it makes you feel dirty and unpure....good luck CreepyMuse
I try, I'm looking for another job so that I can afford a therapy. I hate to feel guilty for those things I don't want it. You are right, things happened, not that I was molested or anything. It was more about filling my head with many wrong ideas about all of this, a very overprotective and conservative family, plus my need to please my parents in my childhood are not a good combination. It took me more than I would have wanted to create my own criterian. Now that I have it, it's hard to eliminate those thoughts, it seem they had a very strong impact in me. I always saw those things with disgust and shame. I hope to find therapy soon.

Thank you so much for your kind words.
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Old 05-27-2012, 06:55 PM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,570 posts, read 11,133,668 times
Reputation: 9331
You will be just fine. The fact that you sense these things means there is a lot of good in you,. or you would not be aware of your so-called defects. We all know what is not perfect about ourselves..so your view is normal..sounds like you are very sensitive and feel sorry for yourself. Don't punish yourself or pressure yourself- relax and be yourself..a good person will find beauty in you- BUT not if you insist on hiding it and being on guard all the time.

If you think intimacy is "dirty" that's fine///some people call it kinky...sounds like you have Catholic parents that were misled and misled you...I suggest you take in easy and just go about your business and enjoy people...keep it simple ..............there is no reason to expect anything from yourself or others...Like I said--------------RELAX and stop thinking about all these things that are NOT IMPORTANT.
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Old 05-27-2012, 10:23 PM
 
77 posts, read 162,584 times
Reputation: 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oleg Bach View Post
You will be just fine. The fact that you sense these things means there is a lot of good in you,. or you would not be aware of your so-called defects. We all know what is not perfect about ourselves..so your view is normal..sounds like you are very sensitive and feel sorry for yourself. Don't punish yourself or pressure yourself- relax and be yourself..a good person will find beauty in you- BUT not if you insist on hiding it and being on guard all the time.

If you think intimacy is "dirty" that's fine///some people call it kinky...sounds like you have Catholic parents that were misled and misled you...I suggest you take in easy and just go about your business and enjoy people...keep it simple ..............there is no reason to expect anything from yourself or others...Like I said--------------RELAX and stop thinking about all these things that are NOT IMPORTANT.
I don't think I feel sorry for myself, I'm desperate but I know I need help, I want to overcome this. I don't sit and victimize myself because I feel this way, I'm expressing what it's in my heart, it's hard and it's horrible things but that's what I feel. And if I want a healthy future I need to solve this, things don't fix for themseleves. I feel powerless because I would like to be in therapy and I can't afford it. I'm sorry, I don't want to be rude, it's just I do think this is very important to me.
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Old 05-28-2012, 09:25 PM
 
Location: Cartersville, GA
1,256 posts, read 3,068,220 times
Reputation: 1090
From what you are saying, I think you would be a good candidate for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. As others have said, finding a therapist is your best bet. Issues such as this are very difficult to sort out, and it often takes a great deal of time, even with a good therapist. Forums such as City Data are a good way to get started, but are ineffective when is comes to resolving complex issues such as this.

The problem of being unable to pay for therapy is certainly a major roadblock. I would call some therapists in your area to see if anyone offers a sliding scale, or if there are any clinics out there that offer reduced fees. Clinical Social Workers, in particular, are often willing to work with clients on a sliding scale, or even for no charge. Many therapists in other disciplines are also willing to do the same. Some clinics that are associated with a University may offer very affordable (or free) therapy from graduate-level therapy or Social Work students. Students in these settings are supervised by experienced, licensed therapists.

If you are able to get a job in the future, you may be able to take advantage of a Employment Assistance Program. Many of these programs can provide you with therapy at no charge (at least for a few sessions.) Of course, medical insurance is also another viable payment source for therapy.
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Old 05-28-2012, 09:33 PM
 
1,592 posts, read 3,042,204 times
Reputation: 2146
Therapy...seriously.
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