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Old 05-29-2012, 09:50 PM
 
56 posts, read 128,932 times
Reputation: 19

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By the way - I do not live in Manhattan. That's Just my User name.

I had every intention of moving. STRONG INTENTIONS !!! I HATE where I live now. I moved away from here years ago. Returned due to an illness, and am better and have been looking forward to returning to living where I was the most happiest ever.

Then something really strange happened. The exterminator came to where I live. I had to remove EVERYTHING from the kitchen cabinets. My plan was to just box everything I needed for the move. Seems simple enough, huh ???

Now here I sit! 4 days later. Everything STILL in the same boxes I used to store everything I took out. And for some reason I have this HUGE fear of leaving. Even considering STAYING, when I know darn well, HERE is CERTAINLY NOT where I need to be. Nothing but pain and heartache here. And it has affected my mental health seriously! TERRIBLE bouts of debilitating, DARK, DEEP depression !!!! Also living here, there is no room for personal growth, or chance of ever achieving my life goals.

So WHY am I considering putting stuff BACK in the kitchen cabinets and staying??? I can tell you where I will be going will probably be an apartment not nearly as large as the one I have now. Maybe even tiny.
YET~ WHO CARES!
( I could get lucky and find a larger apt )


But somehow I have talked myself into using moving from a HUGE apartment to a much smaller one as an excuse !!!!! And I am also using HATING packing & the whole MOVE thing as an excuse too !!!! ~

Knowing full well, where I am headed I may have a tiny apartment ~ but the plus is there is sooo, sooo much to do! Endless opportunities for anything you dream of. So much culture, art, and ALWAYS something fun adventure !!! HERE there is NOTHING, (seriously) NOTHING to do what-so-ever l!!! And where I lived before fed my soul, and my spirit was constantly rising.

The choice to stay or go seems simple huh ???

So why am I making excuses to stay????
Anyone else ever been here ???

Anyone care to weigh in???

Last edited by ManhattanGirlz; 05-29-2012 at 09:58 PM.. Reason: delte something
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Old 05-30-2012, 12:29 AM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,545 posts, read 18,207,281 times
Reputation: 16829
I lived in the same town for 20 years, most of it with my husband. Early on we took a vacation up where it wasn't a lot of people and tried to move there, but couldn't sell. Marriage went bad then worse but I was too afraid of the unknown to end it.

It got ended by outside forces.

But while each and every corner was a reminder of how things had gone so very wrong, I couldn't move without sacrifice. My son lived with a relative with a whole family to have around. I didn't want to leave him behind. I knew that 'somewhere out there' was a place different for me, but it was *so* scary to leave. Even if you hate the place and everytime you go out you get depressed by the memories, you know it. Away from family, away from the known and familiar.

Then something happened. Anyone watch the tv show Jericho? Or read about our viral, grass roots saving it for another season? I got 'noted' in our movement. I got to know other people who I wanted to know and took a trip to Kansas to meet them at our convention. The whole dream of escape came back. And with the campaign, I felt like I the power to do something now.

My friend lived here. I was to work on the next one and would be visiting. Didn't say a word to anyone but started investigating. It was wonderful, dreaming....

But I had to decide, commit. Did I want to move there? Did I want to look around? Did I want to be stuck in a place I hated?

I let the mind think on it and it said NO. Don't be stuck. Take the chance.

Those are beautiful words. I didn't know if it was going to succeed but saw the house the day I discovered the apartment had been sold, and was certain to see a raise in the rent. Went home with plans to move and a place to go.

If you don't feel right, if you really can't stand it TAKE a CHANCE. If you're miserable then go and see what else you can find. You can't be more miserable, especially since you already left and returned. I came to this state having researched and visited, but not knowing what was going to happen, if I'd like it or not. But I knew that every moment I stepped outside it triggered another old bad memory and that wasn't good or much to look forward to.

Scary? yes. Take a paper. write out, thinking very clearly, good reasons to stay and good reasons to go. Which is most important? What ones are moored in fear? Which are really just fear of the unknown? Think about each. But look at what made you write them.

Your afraid of *something*. Only you know it and perhaps it wears a mask. You'll find once you start looking at the small parts, and seeing why that is in your head. Big fears are hard to think on or inspect. Small details can be, and if you really let yourself look, you'll see.

Do you have some family history of migration, of moving on because it was time, of being strong and unafraid? Use it. Make the one who laughed at the voices saying 'NO, Stay, don't risk' your hero. Think of how they did what *needed* to be done. Doesn't have to even be family. Have a focus as strong as the fear.

I came here, also, with a no fail attitude. It was a one way trip. There would be no going back. I had lots of time to think when I arrived, but knew a few months later, visiting for a holiday and not being able to forget how much I looked forward to getting HOME. Hadn't called it that yet, but knew it deep inside.

Be strong, be brave, make a hero to be with you but do what you sound like you feel deeply you know is right.

Last edited by nightbird47; 05-30-2012 at 12:41 AM..
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Old 05-30-2012, 01:06 AM
 
56 posts, read 128,932 times
Reputation: 19
@nightbird47

So I take it you really like Kansas?
Was there a point for you, BEFORE deciding, where there was fear?


I suppose it is to be expected.

Thank you so much for your beautiful, kind words!
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Old 05-30-2012, 03:50 AM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,545 posts, read 18,207,281 times
Reputation: 16829
Quote:
Originally Posted by ManhattanGirlz View Post
@nightbird47

So I take it you really like Kansas?
Was there a point for you, BEFORE deciding, where there was fear?


I suppose it is to be expected.

Thank you so much for your beautiful, kind words!
I sent you a DM, but in brevity. I moved to Oklahoma, a place I'd never imagined moving to. It was like serendipidy to have my friend invite me to visit and tell me about it. I'd always disliked the crush in socal but would never have tried going this far without the suggestion.

With fear, I lived with it. Of what would happen, if.... It never ended. But this, it was a dream and if I had not broken free I knew I'd never forgive myself for being such a coward. Sometimes the moment comes when the chance is there and you take it or lose it and this time I embrased the chance.

A lot of neighbors back in Califoria thought I was 'brave' and some just looked at me like why would anyone go there. I even had second thoughts, but in the end it was a moment of glee when we passed the state line and I knew it was real.

Fear is there for a reason, but it may be to show us how we need to let go.
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Old 05-30-2012, 04:07 AM
 
1,463 posts, read 2,844,610 times
Reputation: 2823
Quote:
Originally Posted by ManhattanGirlz View Post
By the way - I do not live in Manhattan. That's Just my User name.
I had every intention of moving. STRONG INTENTIONS !!! I HATE where I live now. I moved away from here years ago. Returned due to an illness, and am better and have been looking forward to returning to living where I was the most happiest ever.
Then something really strange happened. The exterminator came to where I live. I had to remove EVERYTHING from the kitchen cabinets. My plan was to just box everything I needed for the move. Seems simple enough, huh ???
Now here I sit! 4 days later. Everything STILL in the same boxes I used to store everything I took out. And for some reason I have this HUGE fear of leaving. Even considering STAYING, when I know darn well, HERE is CERTAINLY NOT where I need to be. Nothing but pain and heartache here. And it has affected my mental health seriously! TERRIBLE bouts of debilitating, DARK, DEEP depression !!!! Also living here, there is no room for personal growth, or chance of ever achieving my life goals.
So WHY am I considering putting stuff BACK in the kitchen cabinets and staying??? I can tell you where I will be going will probably be an apartment not nearly as large as the one I have now. Maybe even tiny.
YET~ WHO CARES!
( I could get lucky and find a larger apt )
But somehow I have talked myself into using moving from a HUGE apartment to a much smaller one as an excuse !!!!! And I am also using HATING packing & the whole MOVE thing as an excuse too !!!! ~
Knowing full well, where I am headed I may have a tiny apartment ~ but the plus is there is sooo, sooo much to do! Endless opportunities for anything you dream of. So much culture, art, and ALWAYS something fun adventure !!! HERE there is NOTHING, (seriously) NOTHING to do what-so-ever l!!! And where I lived before fed my soul, and my spirit was constantly rising.
The choice to stay or go seems simple huh ???
So why am I making excuses to stay????
Anyone else ever been here ???
Anyone care to weigh in???
Moving for anyone is a huge pain in the butt. Face it, you know you aren't happy where you are and you have a jump on the packing already with the boxes of stuff from your cupboards being packed. Kind of feel like when you are a kid gathering up the courage to jump into the deep end of the pool? Well, once you jump you will realize it wasn't so bad after all. The difference now between being that little kid and being a responsible adult is that you know there is always the option for you to go to where you want to move, find a decent apartment ahead of time then come back to where you are now and get ready for the move. You are not going to be moving blind I would hope.

It is important to live where you will be happiest and that also means where you will prosper with work, friends, family. It doesn't sound like you are happy where you are now so a move would be in order I would think. No one can make the initial decision for you to get ready to move; that is on you. What I want to tell you and this is coming from a 64 year old lady who has lived and loved in several places during my lifetime...is don't waste anymore time procrastinating about living where you will be happiest. Time flies by so fast, hell one day I turned around and my son was 43 and I am 64 wondering where the time went and have I been happy. My answer is yes and it has been because I have been brave enough, adventurous enough and strong enough to make my life be as it should be, Happy....now you do the same, ok??
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Old 05-30-2012, 06:05 AM
 
Location: The Conterminous United States
22,564 posts, read 48,378,975 times
Reputation: 13434
People hate change. And packing. Your reaction is normal.

Folks would rather stay in a bad situation rather than move forward, even when they know things will be better if they move.

Just put one foot in front of the other for now, until you are packed. Then go.
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Old 05-30-2012, 02:04 PM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
27,091 posts, read 6,880,207 times
Reputation: 30347
Wonderful post, nightbird47!

You described MY issues with divorce/being miserable in the same place for years/fear of moving & change.

BUT ...decided where to move to, visited several times looking around. Then one day I was waking up and thinking how I did not want to drive 5 hours to the new location to look for a home, SO MUCH easier to stay in bed!

I pushed myself, told myself I MUST make a change in order to find happiness. So I drove those hours, found/bought a townhome, quit my job, moved; then sold my other home.

Moving was a pain and scary too....now over one yr later I am SO HAPPY and GLAD I made all the efforts it took to get here.

Good luck to all~
ps you can do it too

Quote:
Originally Posted by nightbird47 View Post
I lived in the same town for 20 years, most of it with my husband. Early on we took a vacation up where it wasn't a lot of people and tried to move there, but couldn't sell. Marriage went bad then worse but I was too afraid of the unknown to end it.

It got ended by outside forces.

But while each and every corner was a reminder of how things had gone so very wrong, I couldn't move without sacrifice. My son lived with a relative with a whole family to have around. I didn't want to leave him behind. I knew that 'somewhere out there' was a place different for me, but it was *so* scary to leave. Even if you hate the place and everytime you go out you get depressed by the memories, you know it. Away from family, away from the known and familiar.

Then something happened. Anyone watch the tv show Jericho? Or read about our viral, grass roots saving it for another season? I got 'noted' in our movement. I got to know other people who I wanted to know and took a trip to Kansas to meet them at our convention. The whole dream of escape came back. And with the campaign, I felt like I the power to do something now.

My friend lived here. I was to work on the next one and would be visiting. Didn't say a word to anyone but started investigating. It was wonderful, dreaming....

But I had to decide, commit. Did I want to move there? Did I want to look around? Did I want to be stuck in a place I hated?

I let the mind think on it and it said NO. Don't be stuck. Take the chance.

Those are beautiful words. I didn't know if it was going to succeed but saw the house the day I discovered the apartment had been sold, and was certain to see a raise in the rent. Went home with plans to move and a place to go.

If you don't feel right, if you really can't stand it TAKE a CHANCE. If you're miserable then go and see what else you can find. You can't be more miserable, especially since you already left and returned. I came to this state having researched and visited, but not knowing what was going to happen, if I'd like it or not. But I knew that every moment I stepped outside it triggered another old bad memory and that wasn't good or much to look forward to.

Scary? yes. Take a paper. write out, thinking very clearly, good reasons to stay and good reasons to go. Which is most important? What ones are moored in fear? Which are really just fear of the unknown? Think about each. But look at what made you write them.

Your afraid of *something*. Only you know it and perhaps it wears a mask. You'll find once you start looking at the small parts, and seeing why that is in your head. Big fears are hard to think on or inspect. Small details can be, and if you really let yourself look, you'll see.

Do you have some family history of migration, of moving on because it was time, of being strong and unafraid? Use it. Make the one who laughed at the voices saying 'NO, Stay, don't risk' your hero. Think of how they did what *needed* to be done. Doesn't have to even be family. Have a focus as strong as the fear.

I came here, also, with a no fail attitude. It was a one way trip. There would be no going back. I had lots of time to think when I arrived, but knew a few months later, visiting for a holiday and not being able to forget how much I looked forward to getting HOME. Hadn't called it that yet, but knew it deep inside.

Be strong, be brave, make a hero to be with you but do what you sound like you feel deeply you know is right.
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Old 05-30-2012, 03:26 PM
 
Location: FL
1,727 posts, read 2,242,759 times
Reputation: 1047
Theres an expression. I'm not sure I know it exactly right, but it's something like this...

Better the enemy you know than the stranger you don't.

It's fear of the unknown. Everyone experiences it to some degree. It's up to you to decide if change is worth a bit of discomfort at first, or not.

Good luck, whatever you decide!
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Old 05-30-2012, 11:54 PM
 
Location: In a state of denial
1,289 posts, read 2,724,314 times
Reputation: 942
"Better the enemy you know than the stranger you don't."

Is an excuse my bff uses all the time. He does it to not make any changes. He hates change and resists it at all costs, even to the point of his own detriment time and time again.
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