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Old 11-23-2012, 04:58 AM
 
Location: Aventura FL
868 posts, read 994,490 times
Reputation: 1164

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I had to cut such people out of my life for the sake of my own mental health. They weren't exactly modest about their achievements anyway. This included family members. I didn't need that in my life and I don't regret walking away. I cannot be measured agonist anyone now.
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Old 07-04-2018, 06:46 PM
 
1 posts, read 393 times
Reputation: 10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VX5650 View Post
Is anyone else going through this? I feel so alone right now.
Due to bad luck/no luck and some metal health issues I haven't gotten very far in my life. Pretty much everything has been a failure or has come to nothing. What makes this worse is that I'm constantly surrounded by people who seem to "have it all." Good relationships, good jobs, good health, good mental health, good friends, etc. It seems so easy for these people. Not saying that life hasn't handed these people some hard times but in the end everything seems to work out and they usually come out in an even BETTER situation. They are always trading up while I just stay at zero.
I know we aren't supposed to compare ourselves to other people but when other people's "riches" are thrown in your face daily it's kind of hard not to notice. All of this leaves me feeling very depressed and like I don't know what to do or try next. I feel totally lost in life.
I'm interested in hearing from other's going through this same thing. Am I the only one feeling like this?



I have been spinning my tires for years. I have relied on Jesus, hard work, healthy living, good people, and everything you can imagine, but I have nothing to show for it. My jobs usually last no longer than 3 months. I work hard, but I think my adhd hinders me and I have to work much harder than most to achieve merely acceptable results. I took nearly ten years to finish a bachelor's degree, and guess what, there are no jobs in my field. I have given up my favorite hobbies to try new things, new habits. Nothing helps. I learned that my spiritual leader (a relative) puts on a perfect face, and manipulates those around them to no end. I am in my 30s and hanging on to a mental hospital job for dear life so I can marry someone I finally was able to maintain a moderately healthy relationship with long term. I am out of my hometown, out of my comfort zone, and people are helpful, but there is no way up. There is only moving around and learning how to work around things. There is no upward motion whatsoever. I have lost all interest in religion though my whole life hangs in the balance around it, based on my childhood raising in it. It doesn't help me at all, but I can't let it go. I hardly enjoy anything. Multiple prescriptions for adhd backfired badly so I can't use medication. I still feel like a baby to be wiped and fed, as I am living in a borrowed apartment. I just got my first paycheck and I got slammed in the face with an unmanageable toothache in spite of taking ibuprofen and oragel, but it isn't managing the pain. I have multiple work injuries from early adulthood that my employers made me feel bad about reporting instead of doing what was legal. My dreams involve unaccomplishable goals that are based around entertainment, so I get sucked in telling myself I will make it in the entertainment industry one day, but I just waste more time. I spent time in prayer, making lists, listening to podcasts to help me, everything I can possible do to educate and better myself, but to no avail. I have only managed to learn basic coping mechanisms that most people know automatically without extensive self-training. I hope you do not feel alone and know you are not the only one.
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Old 07-04-2018, 09:48 PM
Status: "I've been socially distancing for years." (set 6 days ago)
 
Location: Columbia, South Carolina
9,312 posts, read 5,169,878 times
Reputation: 10621
Quote:
Originally Posted by VX5650 View Post
Is anyone else going through this? I feel so alone right now.
Due to bad luck/no luck and some metal health issues I haven't gotten very far in my life. Pretty much everything has been a failure or has come to nothing.
I feel you. I have felt the same way many times. I feel like I'm at the point where I should not be fighting for everything as I am. Case in point. I am in a rental house right now and when I look around, the only thing that is really mine is this computer, my camera and my clothes. When I move, I'll have to find another place that will rent to me a furnished place. Meanwhile, most of my friends all own their own houses and are in successful careers.

Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Yes, I just quoted that "Wear Sunscreen" song, but it made me think one time hen listening to it. But it's true. We're all in a race with ourselves. No one else.

Quote:
Originally Posted by VX5650 View Post
What makes this worse is that I'm constantly surrounded by people who seem to "have it all."
Interesting that you use quotes around "have it all" and also use the word seem. They seem to have it all. Maybe some of them have all they want or need, but the truth is they probably don't. They're more able to put their best foot forward than other people. And it may be true to that you just don't see their struggles. Life is rarely a breeze for anyone, is what I'm trying to say. It can be a struggle. The journey is the most important part, how we react to the trials and tribulations e go through. Furthermore, life would be pretty boring if we really did get to a point where we "have it all."
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Old 07-06-2018, 05:09 PM
 
1,803 posts, read 1,000,335 times
Reputation: 2589
I can so relate to this thread! Sorry, I only read OP's original post. Yes, I feel that way most of the time! Everyone in my "circle" is a home-owner, married and has a good job. I am single, older, still renting and have had only low wage jobs (I have a bachelor's degree) mostly due to my own bad choices, clinical depression and social anxiety.

I know these people work hard, it is just hard to be around them when I am feeling sorry myself. This includes relatives.
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Old 07-06-2018, 05:18 PM
 
Location: Canada
6,203 posts, read 4,619,582 times
Reputation: 17187
No person is perfectly happy. There are always things going on in life that are stressful or drag you down. It's all relative.

Happiness comes from within... not with what you have, how many friends you have, how successful a career you have, etc.

People can have everything, yet be down and people can have nothing and yet be upbeat...

If you are down, try to do something every day. Even going for a walk or weeding a flower bed. Get a dog-- they help tremendously.
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Old 07-06-2018, 05:26 PM
 
1,803 posts, read 1,000,335 times
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While everyone has "problems", these "problems" vary in extremes. For example, I have a friend who gets highly annoyed with her doting husband, "unappreciative" boss (she makes incredible money for little work), and almost had a breakdown when a new kitchen appliance turned out to be a lemon.

I just can't relate.
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Old 07-09-2018, 04:50 PM
 
2,360 posts, read 1,345,268 times
Reputation: 2093
Glad i am not the only one the OP from a 6 year old thread!!


But yea i have friends that are really good friends doing less work then me but manage to live in bigger and better houses and life style. Asking my wife and son, Where did we go wrong?
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Old 07-11-2018, 11:14 AM
 
1,803 posts, read 1,000,335 times
Reputation: 2589
Quote:
Originally Posted by hitpausebutton2 View Post
Glad i am not the only one the OP from a 6 year old thread!!


But yea i have friends that are really good friends doing less work then me but manage to live in bigger and better houses and life style. Asking my wife and son, Where did we go wrong?
Exactly. I can remember working two jobs and living in this crappy, unsafe apartment. I lived that way for a long time. It sucked out a lot of my motivation.
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Old 07-14-2018, 11:30 PM
 
2,673 posts, read 2,399,757 times
Reputation: 5068
I WISH I could look back and see where I was just lazy and that is why I didn't achieve my goals, but I worked my tail off, made some very good decisions, and still failed. It sucked the life right out of me.

The worst part is those failures follow you in life, and no matter what you do, people still judge you by those failures, instead of your current efforts, and you can't get past it no matter what you do.
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Old 07-15-2018, 02:33 PM
 
Location: on the wind
9,597 posts, read 4,265,380 times
Reputation: 32313
Now that I am retired (and before you assume anything...yes I earned it and saved in order to get it) I look back and evaluate a lot of past decisions through a different lense. I had a secure childhood with good parents, so a solid foundation to start off with. Yes, I know full well how lucky that was.

Once on my own I didn't make many stupid decisions career-wise, but my income was always modest by today's measuring tape. I did own a modest house in a fairly low COL area eventually, but much later than immediate family. I've never owned many of the trappings of a successful financial life. Luckily, didn't really care, and that made all the difference. There's that saying about blooming where you get planted. The ability to allow that to happen is priceless. You can decide to be content with yourself while the rest of the world falls apart around you.

One of my siblings who is very judgmental informed me that I would be a bag lady by the time I was 40 unless I gave up the path I had chosen, got my head smacked, and faced the reality that I was never going to succeed at it. I remember overhearing her comments about my chosen work at a family dinner. She ridiculed it. I can still hear her voice today. It still hurts even though she was proven wrong. It was also a jolt to realize that other people can completely misunderstand what motivates someone else. They can judge you but end up looking like idiots. She can stick labels all over someone all she wants, but is she any better off? No. She's still a resentful, suspicious, sulky soul I wouldn't trade places with no matter how nice her "visible" life happens to be.

Sure there were times when I second-guessed myself. Everyone does that. I just kept my head down, had a sense for where I wanted to go, and kept going there. Did the work that needed to be done, both personally and professionally. Sometimes I had to shake myself and remind myself that the yardstick other people use to measure success didn't have to be mine. I've had my unfair share of depression and discouragement, but underneath it all still hung on to that hard little kernel of self respect, those basic values that defined me as a person, that invisible internal compass. I never found a cure for any disease, solved any of the world's problems, or made any useful discoveries...none of those things that land next to your name in a book. The work I did is still good work, done as well as it could be done at the time. I can look back and know that so far, I haven't deliberately cheated or hurt anyone. I don't flaunt or brag about every little thing owned or achieved and try very very hard not to be as judgmental as my sibling. Just paid my dues, never committed fraud or was a thief. Those are the things no one else can take from you unless you let them.

Last edited by Parnassia; 07-15-2018 at 03:10 PM..
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