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Old 06-17-2012, 11:31 PM
 
Location: Purgatory
2,663 posts, read 4,680,122 times
Reputation: 3054

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
See...that is why you need to limit your contact with her. She creates drama and stress in your life.

Do not live with her as "friends". She sounds toxic.

You won't be able to take the cats if you leave the country....so why bother with them at all? Life happens...they can be re-homed.
She can keep the cats.

I'm not planing on living with her in any capacity. I thought about it, but I would just end up financially supporting her until she got a job.

I should have added a poll to this as I think that skipping the country may be the only thing left for me to do. I don't particularly want to, even though I had hoped to eventually pick one of the Nordic countries to move to with plenty saved up. I'll get eaten alive if I stay here and besides, I don't even have acquaintances, never mind friends.

Since you're the moderator of this section I may ask you to delete this thread tomorrow as I'm somewhat paranoid. I'll just wait to see if another couple of members who are always helpful want to chime in.
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Old 06-17-2012, 11:37 PM
 
Location: Purgatory
2,663 posts, read 4,680,122 times
Reputation: 3054
Quote:
Originally Posted by artemis agrotera View Post
She sounds selfish.

Well, then you both have no funds to do this. Can't she find any ol job until you both get money to get out of that apartment?

Why did she get pissed at the idea of selling the furniture? If you're both that short of cash.... whats the point of holding on to it?

She's good at shifting blame. She is an adult. She should have thought about the consequences of quitting her job before she just did so. Have you said that to her? Or are you trying to calm her down, all the while you are falling apart?


I could see the attraction of bailing.
I absolutely tried to convince her not to quit, but she replied "f*** you" and after that,
I gave in because I just don't have the head to fight and I was at work myself and worried about her well being. Nothing I would have said would have stopped her anyway and while I sympathised with her reasons, she should have at least given her 2 weeks. She tried to justify it by citing that I'd done the same, only my job was a crappy temp job and I'd already been offered the job I have now.

She's not going to find any job. She's just going to be home. It's not a battle I even have the head for. I'm actually just trying to keep the peace with her for the sake of my own rapidly deteriorating mental health.

I agree about the furniture; not worth it. She doesn't listen.
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Old 06-18-2012, 12:05 AM
 
Location: Eugenius
593 posts, read 1,270,699 times
Reputation: 580
Seriously, just get out of the country. You are in "savior/martyr mode" and you will feel guilty and try to help her no matter what she does to you. And you will go down in flames. She does these things because you are there to pick up the pieces for her, if you are not there to drop everything and run to her aide, she will hopefully think twice about doing what she does. Let her parents deal with her now and you go live your life.
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Old 06-18-2012, 01:36 AM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,545 posts, read 18,232,999 times
Reputation: 16829
She's playing you on a guilt trip. Don't let her. She chose to quit her job, you neither suggested it or asked her too. She couldn't wait for you to leave and now she needs you to help? I think this woman is addicted to manipulation and you need to say no.

It's the middle of the month. The rent must have been paid. If she quit her job it is HER problem if it wasn't. Push comes to shove, its *her* responsibility to grow up and look at concequences. The furnature is going to her anyway, right? If you aren't going to take the cats, then she has to figure out what to do. You shouldn't let her manipulate your life like this. This is not the sign of someone who has any care about you but to see if the old games work.

With the other issues, she has to learn to deal. Maybe its not easy for her or maybe she never will but that is something which belongs to her and you can't do it for her. There is absolutly no reason why you should feel guilty about what is her problem. Nor should you let guilt cause her to control you.

The bank account is half yours. If you feel that bailing will make things better for you then maybe you should. Her parents don't want to help but if they must they will.

Don't rush up to pack furnature. Tell her you just started a new job and you can't, and she needs to deal with the problem herself. If you can, talk your half of the funds. If you can, stay around and earn enough you can move more comfortably, but move if you want to. She wanted the divorce, she agreed to the plan, and she is trying to screw it up now because she has a problem.

This woman is toxic and you don't need to let her guilt driven manipulation work this time. Give her the message she has to grow up now.

If she hasn't, file for divorce on your own.
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Old 06-18-2012, 04:11 AM
 
Location: In a state of denial
1,289 posts, read 2,726,206 times
Reputation: 942
Quote:
Originally Posted by nightbird47 View Post
She's playing you on a guilt trip. Don't let her. She chose to quit her job, you neither suggested it or asked her too. She couldn't wait for you to leave and now she needs you to help? I think this woman is addicted to manipulation and you need to say no.

It's the middle of the month. The rent must have been paid. If she quit her job it is HER problem if it wasn't. Push comes to shove, its *her* responsibility to grow up and look at concequences. The furnature is going to her anyway, right? If you aren't going to take the cats, then she has to figure out what to do. You shouldn't let her manipulate your life like this. This is not the sign of someone who has any care about you but to see if the old games work.

With the other issues, she has to learn to deal. Maybe its not easy for her or maybe she never will but that is something which belongs to her and you can't do it for her. There is absolutly no reason why you should feel guilty about what is her problem. Nor should you let guilt cause her to control you.

The bank account is half yours. If you feel that bailing will make things better for you then maybe you should. Her parents don't want to help but if they must they will.

Don't rush up to pack furnature. Tell her you just started a new job and you can't, and she needs to deal with the problem herself. If you can, talk your half of the funds. If you can, stay around and earn enough you can move more comfortably, but move if you want to. She wanted the divorce, she agreed to the plan, and she is trying to screw it up now because she has a problem.

This woman is toxic and you don't need to let her guilt driven manipulation work this time. Give her the message she has to grow up now.

If she hasn't, file for divorce on your own.
I completely agree with this. She is not grown up at all and is toxic.

She is playing a guilt trip and is just using Dragonborn for her own selfish gain. She is the one that quit her job with no back up plan. She is the one that wanted the divorce. She needs to be the one to learn to deal with it.

Her parents are probably indifferent because they recognize what/who she is. An emotionally immature and manipulative adult.

If the only way Dragonborn can get away from the situation is to move back to the UK then that is what he should do IMHO. They have medical care over there that could help him and she could no longer "guilt" him into taking care of her.
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Old 06-18-2012, 04:53 AM
 
Location: Purgatory
2,663 posts, read 4,680,122 times
Reputation: 3054
Quote:
Originally Posted by nightbird47 View Post
She's playing you on a guilt trip. Don't let her. She chose to quit her job, you neither suggested it or asked her too. She couldn't wait for you to leave and now she needs you to help? I think this woman is addicted to manipulation and you need to say no.

It's the middle of the month. The rent must have been paid. If she quit her job it is HER problem if it wasn't. Push comes to shove, its *her* responsibility to grow up and look at concequences. The furnature is going to her anyway, right? If you aren't going to take the cats, then she has to figure out what to do. You shouldn't let her manipulate your life like this. This is not the sign of someone who has any care about you but to see if the old games work.

With the other issues, she has to learn to deal. Maybe its not easy for her or maybe she never will but that is something which belongs to her and you can't do it for her. There is absolutly no reason why you should feel guilty about what is her problem. Nor should you let guilt cause her to control you.

The bank account is half yours. If you feel that bailing will make things better for you then maybe you should. Her parents don't want to help but if they must they will.

Don't rush up to pack furnature. Tell her you just started a new job and you can't, and she needs to deal with the problem herself. If you can, talk your half of the funds. If you can, stay around and earn enough you can move more comfortably, but move if you want to. She wanted the divorce, she agreed to the plan, and she is trying to screw it up now because she has a problem.

This woman is toxic and you don't need to let her guilt driven manipulation work this time. Give her the message she has to grow up now.

If she hasn't, file for divorce on your own.
Nightbird,

It's hard to convey the guilt she has constantly put on me either directly or indirectly over the years. I've never experienced that with anyone else.

I wish I could tell her to grow up and deal with it, but it's just going to make things worse, namely for me. If she hurts herself or worse, it'll be on me. That alone will trigger me to most likely follow her.

Think of being a carriage attached to a runaway train. I can either remain here and become part of the train wreck, or I can disconnect my carriage and hopefully come to a safe stopping point.

This is mainly why I am considering leaving the country ASAP.
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Old 06-18-2012, 04:54 AM
 
Location: Purgatory
2,663 posts, read 4,680,122 times
Reputation: 3054
Quote:
Originally Posted by chuck_steak View Post
I completely agree with this. She is not grown up at all and is toxic.

She is playing a guilt trip and is just using Dragonborn for her own selfish gain. She is the one that quit her job with no back up plan. She is the one that wanted the divorce. She needs to be the one to learn to deal with it.

Her parents are probably indifferent because they recognize what/who she is. An emotionally immature and manipulative adult.

If the only way Dragonborn can get away from the situation is to move back to the UK then that is what he should do IMHO. They have medical care over there that could help him and she could no longer "guilt" him into taking care of her.
Unfortunately my family over there are NOT on board so that may not be an option. They can't / don't understand the hold she has on me.
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Old 06-18-2012, 04:56 AM
 
Location: In a state of denial
1,289 posts, read 2,726,206 times
Reputation: 942
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonborn View Post
Unfortunately my family over there are NOT on board so that may not be an option. They can't / don't understand the hold she has on me.
I am sorry to hear that Dragonborn. It is always good to have options. Do they know how dire the situation is? Maybe if they knew they would respond differently? What about going to your friends place?
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Old 06-18-2012, 05:42 AM
 
Location: Purgatory
2,663 posts, read 4,680,122 times
Reputation: 3054
Quote:
Originally Posted by chuck_steak View Post
I am sorry to hear that Dragonborn. It is always good to have options. Do they know how dire the situation is? Maybe if they knew they would respond differently? What about going to your friends place?
I've tried my best to convey it to them but nothing. I've emailed a cousin I often speak to and one of my half brothers. I'm not getting my hopes up though. I have tried (and tried).
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Old 06-18-2012, 05:44 AM
 
Location: In a state of denial
1,289 posts, read 2,726,206 times
Reputation: 942
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonborn View Post
I've tried my best to convey it to them but nothing. I've emailed a cousin I often speak to and one of my half brothers. I'm not getting my hopes up though. I have tried (and tried).
Maybe your cousin will come through. Are you close with your half brother? Maybe he will come through. What about going to your friend's place?
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