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Old 06-26-2012, 07:35 AM
 
17,483 posts, read 15,469,852 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonborn View Post
Frankly I am becoming tempted to bail.....leave the country and the mess behind. It might be the only way I can cut the cord of dependency and guilt. Would that be so bad?
This may be your only chance to get away from the damage she is causing you.

Ask yourself...why did you leave the state with her still living in a jointly leased apartment and her name on a joint bank account? That is a classic example of dumb divorce decisions caused by subconcious wishes. And now it is costing you. It will continue to cost you until you cut all ties with her and let the fog clear. Walk away, write her off and let her deal with the fallout. NO MORE HELPING HER.
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Old 06-26-2012, 01:37 PM
 
15,246 posts, read 17,433,030 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonborn View Post
I'm trying, but the guilt...

Funny thing is she said she always felt like there was something up...or that I made love to her with hate, which isn't true. Truth is that I didn't understand myself....and I still don't. She feels cheated and says that she always felt like she was sleeping with another woman....dunno how to take that.
She's bound to feel lots of things--anger, grief, embarrassment, exhaustion, confusion--and she is entitled to feel those things. She's also entitled to discuss them with you because you're one of the few people who understand the situation. But she's not entitled to take your money, or berate you, or live with you, or tell you where to live. I know it's hard, but you have to set some boundaries.

I don't blame you at all for moving to Europe, and it may feel like your only option, but I'd be inclined to give it 6 months if you can survive, to get officially divorced and tie up some loose financial ends. If you can't, you can't. But I don't see how either of you can move on if you don't get divorced.
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Old 06-26-2012, 10:37 PM
 
Location: In a state of denial
1,289 posts, read 2,726,692 times
Reputation: 942
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
This may be your only chance to get away from the damage she is causing you.

Ask yourself...why did you leave the state with her still living in a jointly leased apartment and her name on a joint bank account? That is a classic example of dumb divorce decisions caused by subconcious wishes. And now it is costing you. It will continue to cost you until you cut all ties with her and let the fog clear. Walk away, write her off and let her deal with the fallout. NO MORE HELPING HER.
I couldn't agree more. He needs to walk away from her now. She made her decision by wanting the divorce and she doesn't want to be back with him, she wants to use him. She hasn't grown up yet and it's not helping her to grow up if he goes back and gets her. It would be different if she realized she really loved him and wanted to work on the relationship, but she doesn't. If she just needs a ride back to her mom's then a bus ticket could be bought. He doesn't have to be the person to go get her. The cats can ride in the bus in a kennel.
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