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Old 06-17-2012, 09:16 PM
 
Location: On the edge of the universe
994 posts, read 1,396,171 times
Reputation: 1426

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I have wanted to write this for quite a while. I've never told anyone about this and I still get a bit queasy talking or even thinking about it. First, I will be honest; I'm not a counselor or a trained therapist. I'm not going to even pretend to be any sort of expert in this field. Second, this is a very sensitive subject for me and a lot of people. I'm doing my best to be as calm and kind as I can, but I do understand that some people might find this post to be difficult. I want to apologize in advance if I unintentionally come across as blunt or insensitive. This upsets me too, you aren't alone.

Anyways, I want to tell my story as I think I might have a unique perspective on this problem. I moved up to a small Great Plains city when I was first 9 years old and then down south, then back to this same Great Plains city a year later. I have lived here for the past 20 years and have always felt that something wasn't right. My parents were verbally abusive towards me and my younger sister; time has passed and we are starting to make amends. I do know that my mother's (who comes from this part of the USA originally) dad was an alcoholic; I suspect that more family members on her side might have been alcoholics as well. There's a lot of alcoholism and drug use out in the rural states; don't let the media tell you otherwise. As for my dad, his biological parents split when he was maybe 3 years old and he and his older brother were taken to upstate NY with his biological dad and they moved in with a gal who had kids from previous men. This gal (whom my dad sees as his 'mom') met my biological paternal grandfather at a restaurant they both frequented and lived with each other but never officially married. This lady was basically a tyrant towards my dad and his older brother; she beat him and my uncle sometimes for even trivial stuff like not flushing the toilet. She was strict overall but was very harsh towards my dad and his brother. Their step-siblings would never be disciplined by my grandpa since this lady would have thrown them out if he even raised his voice at them. Fast forward to the 2000s and my dad's adoptive 'mom' dies and his biological father is thrown under the bus by my dad's stepsiblings. On my mother's side of the family a lot of backstabbing goes on as well; one of my mother's cousins tries to crowbar my great-grandmother's house from her kids shortly after great-Grandma passes away, for example. This is just to give you my background.

Now, ever since I lived here in this Great Plains city, I always had the feeling that something was very wrong almost ever since we moved up here. I always had the feeling of being watched, and not in a good way. It felt like a predator stalking prey. Now, of course, I was only 10-11 years old at the time and I thought it was maybe the movies or something. However, as time passed, that feeling got more and more consistent as I lived among these people more. I won't bore you with every detail but a lot of times the people here were very nosy and odd in the way they raised their kids. They acted as if their kids were inheritently evil! Also, they seemed to not be able to recognize another person's boundaries sometimes; they will literally not even notice you if you were right next to them. I'm not kidding; people in these prairie states are easy to sneak up on. As I started college, I felt something very sick around me, like a demonic presence. I was under the impression that the whole city was possessed or something it was so bad. I felt like my sexuality was being watched and that someone or something was watching me in my sexual life. The best way I can describe it is having someone make sexual slurs to you almost on a daily basis. For a 'family oriented' community, they sure have a big problem with teen pregnancy and perverts.

About a couple of years ago, I finally realized the scope of the whole situation; this community has a BIG problem with sexual abuse. It's a hard accusation but I swear that these people are sexually abusing their kids. I think it's a huge problem; the mannerisms and behaviors of most people in this city are not too far away from what sexual abusers are found out to be. I could now understand why this city is so secretive and cult-like in its behavior. I would not be surprised if there are a whole bunch of skeletons in the closet out here, so to speak. No wonder half the people here are micromanagers; they're a bunch of perverts. I don't say this to be funny, I say this because I think of all the people here who were abused and might be still abused to this day.

I wanted to post this since many people who were abused as children probably feel that the world will look down upon them for being abused. The world won't; many people will come to your side. You aren't alone in this world, hardly. No one who is good and kind will condemn you for what you went through. I will be giving my prayers for all who were abused irregardless of who they are. I was fearful myself of writing this post because of being watched. It was the realization myself (and the other positive posts on this part of CD) that the outside world wasn't as bad or dangerous as this community made it to be that drove me to post this. I'll be escaping from this place soon. But always remember that the world is not as dangerous or as judgmental as abusers might make it seem. May GOD be with you as you recover and move into a new life of happiness and freedom.
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Old 06-17-2012, 09:54 PM
 
Location: FL
1,727 posts, read 2,242,759 times
Reputation: 1047
When will you be leaving?
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Old 06-17-2012, 10:21 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,082 posts, read 24,673,353 times
Reputation: 18046
Quote:
Originally Posted by looking4answers12 View Post
When will you be leaving?
Yeah, my first thought.

To the OP

Rural areas aren't as progressive, but, as vulnerable for alcohol & drug abuse as inner cities with a crack house and drug dealer on every corner.

No matter where you were raised, where theres substance abuse, theres dysfunction of all kinds and skeletons in the closet. You needn't be a psychotherapist to figure it out.
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Old 06-19-2012, 05:12 PM
 
Location: On the edge of the universe
994 posts, read 1,396,171 times
Reputation: 1426
Quote:
Originally Posted by looking4answers12 View Post
When will you be leaving?
Soon hopefully. It's tough getting out given my individual circumstances but I'm thinking by the end of the year I'll be hopefully out.
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Old 06-19-2012, 05:24 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,082 posts, read 24,673,353 times
Reputation: 18046
Quote:
Originally Posted by fireandice1000 View Post
Soon hopefully. It's tough getting out given my individual circumstances but I'm thinking by the end of the year I'll be hopefully out.
Take it one day at a time and don't lose site of your goal. I wouldn't even discuss my plans with them.

I have a strange backwards southern family, 'alcohol issues'. We weren't raised in the south, it really wouldn't have mattered where we lived, my parents never fit in bc of it. They moved back after we all graduated...it is what it is.
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Old 06-19-2012, 05:38 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
19,521 posts, read 24,463,997 times
Reputation: 51715
This is a really truthful and honest post.

There is so much glorification of rural areas and of the "olden days" in this country.
People demonize cities, but what happens in the hinterland might be much worse.

I agree with the others - get out!

I would also not be surprised if this area is a strong hold of fundamentalist Christianity.
I'd love to know where it is, because I never want to go there.
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Old 06-22-2012, 11:27 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,017 posts, read 18,337,314 times
Reputation: 32398
To the OP (Fireandice): Let me see if I understood your post correctly. You yourself were never abused but you have come to the conclusion that there is a lot of child abuse in the community in which you live based on the vibes you get from people there. Is that a fair summary, or did I misunderstand something?
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Old 06-23-2012, 04:27 PM
 
Location: On the edge of the universe
994 posts, read 1,396,171 times
Reputation: 1426
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
To the OP (Fireandice): Let me see if I understood your post correctly. You yourself were never abused but you have come to the conclusion that there is a lot of child abuse in the community in which you live based on the vibes you get from people there. Is that a fair summary, or did I misunderstand something?
Well, I was verbally abused by my parents when I was younger, but that is nothing compared to what some people here went through. I've known a lot of people who were sexually assaulted when they were younger, and that's only the tip of the iceberg. There's a lot of people here who are very intrusive into other's intimate lives; by this I mean that people will be very nosy into who you're seeing and if you're married or making out with someone, and the way they say it leads me to think it's not meant to be just small talk. Also, teen pregnancy is bad out here!

One other observation; people out here are more authoritarian overall. An authoritarian personality is more likely to be a sexual predator to begin with; every psychology student knows that. Granted, it might come across as being paranoia but I've been here for quite a while and I know these people too well.
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Old 06-23-2012, 04:38 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
82,443 posts, read 75,483,610 times
Reputation: 82456
Where do the police stand on this issue? Are they part of the problem, or a potential resource?
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Old 06-24-2012, 12:37 AM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,495 posts, read 24,224,830 times
Reputation: 8847
Thumbs up exactly

Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
Yeah, my first thought.

To the OP

Rural areas aren't as progressive, but, as vulnerable for alcohol & drug abuse as inner cities with a crack house and drug dealer on every corner.

No matter where you were raised, where theres substance abuse, theres dysfunction of all kinds and skeletons in the closet. You needn't be a psychotherapist to figure it out.
well said, again.

Americans seem to be great at denial of certain crimes ("This could NEVER happen in my beautiful town of Mayberry")
[sarc.]

In the legal system regarding child abuse and molestation, we see it playing out in the courts today. Fact is, abuse exists, some people are capable of heinous crimes, they can live in a 50 million dollar mansion, or a shack in a rural area.
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