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Old 06-29-2012, 11:52 PM
 
Location: Australia
4,004 posts, read 5,456,536 times
Reputation: 6803

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Quote:
Originally Posted by CreepyMuse View Post
Not really but it's interesting. I live on my own since one and a half year ago, I came one month for vacation. And I know that if i get frustratend it doesn not mean that I'm not mature. She's a controller and that's her problem, does it affects me to hear the same things over and over again? Yes. I've talked to her but, with all respect my mom deserves, it seems I'm talking to a wall. I know this is the way she is and it's part of his persinality. My mom loves to know it all and to say everybody what they are syupposed to do. I'm not a child and I have understood that, she hasn't. Do I cry and yell in fron ot her? No. I talk to her or I try, does it have any positive result? No. It's my mother, she has been always this way and I don't expect her to change, does this frustrate me? YES. And I have the right to express it.
You sure do...but you DON'T have the right to ask for help on a public forum then systematically dismiss it.

From what I can gather you live away from your mother, far away...so why is this bothering you to the point you feel you have to post online?

The other poster was suggesting that perhaps you weren't dealing with your frustrations in an adult way which would be oh, say....go for a run, or GO HOME.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:04 AM
 
Location: Purgatory
2,663 posts, read 4,677,281 times
Reputation: 3054
Do what I did with my mother and cut ties to the point that you just speak to her once in a while. I really feel for your situation. Unfortunately, none of us got to choose our parents! Mine are a joke too.
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:33 AM
 
Location: Texas
44,246 posts, read 54,850,589 times
Reputation: 73244
Quote:
Originally Posted by CreepyMuse View Post
Not really but it's interesting. I live on my own since one and a half year ago, I came one month for vacation. And I know that if i get frustratend it doesn not mean that I'm not mature. She's a controller and that's her problem, does it affects me to hear the same things over and over again? Yes. I've talked to her but, with all respect my mom deserves, it seems I'm talking to a wall. I know this is the way she is and it's part of his persinality. My mom loves to know it all and to say everybody what they are syupposed to do. I'm not a child and I have understood that, she hasn't. Do I cry and yell in fron ot her? No. I talk to her or I try, does it have any positive result? No. It's my mother, she has been always this way and I don't expect her to change, does this frustrate me? YES. And I have the right to express it.
Maturity is realizing that it's not other people but your reaction to them that really creates the problem.

You're not going to change her. She's been around for decades and she is who she is. What you can change is YOUR perceptions, reactions, and how you internally deal with it.

Venting can be therapeutic, but it can also fan the flames of negative emotions.
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Old 06-30-2012, 07:03 AM
 
Location: Philaburbia
33,085 posts, read 61,917,090 times
Reputation: 55530
All moms can be annoying. It's part of the job description. If you become a parent, you'll become annoying, too.

When she makes plans for you, you have two choices: Go along with her, or tell her no. Sometimes it's best to do the former, sometimes the latter. It's all a part of being a part of a family, where compromise might be the order of the day.
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Old 06-30-2012, 09:33 AM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 11,238,915 times
Reputation: 8956
I can't understand why you can't just disagree and be polite about it - that would be maturity. Listen to her - say, "Thank you, Mom - I love you" - then do what you want.

Your REACTION is under your control . . . she is pushing your buttons and you are reacting like a puppet.
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Old 06-30-2012, 12:22 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
82,542 posts, read 75,563,862 times
Reputation: 82602
Quote:
Originally Posted by CreepyMuse View Post
I'm not a teenager, I'm 24 lol. I came home from vacation and she has been doing all of this like 'I'm going to take a walk', I like it because i can think, well my oldest sister came home and my mom said: look, she can go to your home and you can go together to walk', not a big deal right but the problem is that she can't make plans about MY plans. When I go to have a walk alone is when i can't listen to her, I'm like dizzy. She has been teelling me for 2 days that she doesn't like my shorts, like what?! She think she owns me, I have my criterian and i think she doesn't agree with it, but she doesn't have to, she only has torespect me and she doesn't do it
Here's the problem with American family dynamics. Parents often have trouble accepting that their kids are adults. They continue to treat them like kids, even when they're old enough to have their own kids. It's not healthy, but that's the way it too often is. Until you can manage to get your own place, you'll have to put up with this. And there will still be annoyances when you visit, or spend time together over the winter holidays, or whatever.

For now, if she tries to attach things to your plans, just say, "I need this alone time", or whatever. Gently put your foot down. Create boundaries. Be firm, but not disrespectful. Good luck. You're not alone in this.
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Old 06-30-2012, 01:11 PM
 
77 posts, read 162,622 times
Reputation: 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Here's the problem with American family dynamics. Parents often have trouble accepting that their kids are adults. They continue to treat them like kids, even when they're old enough to have their own kids. It's not healthy, but that's the way it too often is. Until you can manage to get your own place, you'll have to put up with this. And there will still be annoyances when you visit, or spend time together over the winter holidays, or whatever.

For now, if she tries to attach things to your plans, just say, "I need this alone time", or whatever. Gently put your foot down. Create boundaries. Be firm, but not disrespectful. Good luck. You're not alone in this.

Yes, when I'm at home it¿s as if I were 10. But this has been getting better, she's a little bit more receptive and I'm a little bit more firm. But sometimes it's tired to be dealing with these little things everyday that I spend here. Thank you for your comment.
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Old 06-30-2012, 01:13 PM
 
77 posts, read 162,622 times
Reputation: 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohiogirl81 View Post
All moms can be annoying. It's part of the job description. If you become a parent, you'll become annoying, too.

When she makes plans for you, you have two choices: Go along with her, or tell her no. Sometimes it's best to do the former, sometimes the latter. It's all a part of being a part of a family, where compromise might be the order of the day.
So true.
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Old 06-30-2012, 01:19 PM
 
77 posts, read 162,622 times
Reputation: 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Maturity is realizing that it's not other people but your reaction to them that really creates the problem.

You're not going to change her. She's been around for decades and she is who she is. What you can change is YOUR perceptions, reactions, and how you internally deal with it.

Venting can be therapeutic, but it can also fan the flames of negative emotions.
I think venting can help you to clear your mind even if it can hace negative emotions. People has to understand that it's not wrong to have negative emotions. When I talk to my mom I try to be respectful and not to lose the control. But being in this kind of situtations every single day is tiring, and while I don't say anything disrespectul or offensive to other people I think I have the right to express it. Then, I calm down and tryto understand everything, that's why I love going for a walk.
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Old 06-30-2012, 01:21 PM
 
77 posts, read 162,622 times
Reputation: 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsAnnThrope View Post
You sure do...but you DON'T have the right to ask for help on a public forum then systematically dismiss it.

From what I can gather you live away from your mother, far away...so why is this bothering you to the point you feel you have to post online?

The other poster was suggesting that perhaps you weren't dealing with your frustrations in an adult way which would be oh, say....go for a run, or GO HOME.

I was not asking for help. I was just venting.
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