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Old 07-02-2012, 01:52 PM
 
9,454 posts, read 11,449,617 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post

I don't care about blood ties.
I don't either, but it took me many years to really work that through. Your DNA ties are just something you have from the past--strong, yes, they do create a lot of your present day reality through inheriting certain traits, etc., but it's just what it is. I think people make much too much about family, blood ties. And, I've seen people cling to that paradigm, even though they're family is making them literally crazy!

I steer clear of most chaos, some is unavoidable in life, but some is optional.
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Old 07-03-2012, 02:32 PM
 
Location: Noblesville, IN
3,761 posts, read 4,244,754 times
Reputation: 6350
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
I'm not sure if it's all about projection. I have two sisters who do this. I think one is a bully pure and simple. She can be fun and funny - as long as things go her way completely. And she is the center of attention. It's a narcissistic thing.

The other sister has borderline personality disorder. I have always thought so and when a therapist confirmed it, she fired him. In fact she creates chaos with therapists!

So although they are my sisters, I keep a healthy distance.Very healthy. I don't see them. It is sad that we really have no extended family, but it would be even sadder if the abusive bully was in my life or the flakey drama queen.

I don't care about blood ties.
I have one sister who does this - we are all children of the same mother, but my other sister accepts the other one's behavior b/c "mom was so mean to her when she was little". Mom was an alcoholic. I always say to this sister "am I hallucinating or did we not all grow up with the same people, doing the same things?"

So, the older one is a cross between a bully (she likes it when I cry) and a "have to live in chaos" type. Half the time, I'm not sure she can clearly see what she's doing, but unfortunately, I have seen her get off on the chaos and be fully aware of her actions.

To answer the question? Sorry, but WHO CARES? I don't know why my sister (and actually my mother did, too) likes the chaos. I lived in the same chaos and do my level best to remain calm and happy, which btw, is difficult but I manage. We can be humming along, really enjoying each other, and she'll say something so hateful...she LOVES to push my buttons. And if I say, why are you saying hurtful things? That might start a war b/c DENIAL is her best friend's (CHAOS) friend!

Being away from her is the best solution for me. And I stay away from new people who exhibit this behavior as well...
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Old 07-04-2012, 07:37 PM
 
1,041 posts, read 1,406,861 times
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If you create chaos then in effect you're controlling other people. This is what I think is the bottom line issue with people who do this.
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Old 12-26-2012, 10:57 PM
'M'
 
Location: Glendale Country Club
1,818 posts, read 2,688,124 times
Reputation: 2548
From what you describe...it could be related to repetition compulsion.

"Repetition compulsion is a psychological phenomenon in which a person repeats a traumatic event or its circumstances over and over again. This includes reenacting the event or putting oneself in situations where the event is likely to happen again. This "re-living" can also take the form of dreams in which memories and feelings of what happened are repeated, and even hallucination.


The term can also be used to cover the repetition of behaviour or life patterns more broadly: a "key component in Freud's understanding of mental life, 'repetition compulsion'...describes the pattern whereby people endlessly repeat patterns of behaviour which were difficult or distressing in earlier life." Source: Wikipedia

In short, repetition compulsion sucks! Much of the time it is unconscious behavior. When we become aware of what we are doing, sometimes we can start to notice what we are doing and work at different behaviors. But it ain't easy.
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Old 12-27-2012, 07:24 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
50,040 posts, read 39,777,061 times
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I think that people who create this chaos are what M Scott Peck calls "crazy makers."

They thrive on keeping people in a state of imbalance - in other words, it's a form of controlling others. Those in relationships with them can never truly relax, because they never know when the next "episode" is going to come out of nowhere.

I think often that people that operate like this are cruel and have serious problems. I also don't think those close to them can "fix" this character trait of "crazy making." All we can do is establish boundaries and consequences. Unfortunately, when we do so, we usually end up having to severely limit our interactions with those people.
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Old 01-01-2013, 04:03 PM
 
5,090 posts, read 10,037,427 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post

borderline personality disorder.
Borderline personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Heaven help you.

Quote:
So although they are my sisters, I keep a healthy distance.Very healthy. I don't see them. It is sad that we really have no extended family, but it would be even sadder if the abusive bully was in my life or the flakey drama queen.

I don't care about blood ties.
Good for you.
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Old 01-01-2013, 06:05 PM
 
Location: Not where I want to be
4,826 posts, read 7,533,703 times
Reputation: 7677
I used to work with a woman like this. Everything in the office would be going along fine... quiet, everyone working, things running smoothly. Then she would start some kind of petty argument or complaint and everyone would be up in arms. She was extremely disruptive.

After a while and after speaking with her on many occassions, I figured it out: She was the oldest (and only) daughter in her family. She was the center of the universe and was spoiled rotten and always got her way. As a child, if everyone was having Chinese food, she would demand pizza (and get it). If everyone was having pizza, she would demand McDonalds (and get it). Her mother bought her every and any thing she wanted and let her think the world revolved around her and only her. I'm sure that she threw temper tantrums any time she didn't get what she wanted or felt she wasn't being catered to or paid attention to enough. Fast forward to 28 years old and that's just how she is now. NOTHING can be peaceful unless all eyes are on her and she's getting attention. Ridiculous. I can't say I was sad when she got fired.
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Old 01-01-2013, 09:44 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
19,526 posts, read 24,470,587 times
Reputation: 51720
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShellNic View Post
I have one sister who does this - we are all children of the same mother, but my other sister accepts the other one's behavior b/c "mom was so mean to her when she was little". Mom was an alcoholic. I always say to this sister "am I hallucinating or did we not all grow up with the same people, doing the same things?"

So, the older one is a cross between a bully (she likes it when I cry) and a "have to live in chaos" type. Half the time, I'm not sure she can clearly see what she's doing, but unfortunately, I have seen her get off on the chaos and be fully aware of her actions.

To answer the question? Sorry, but WHO CARES? I don't know why my sister (and actually my mother did, too) likes the chaos. I lived in the same chaos and do my level best to remain calm and happy, which btw, is difficult but I manage. We can be humming along, really enjoying each other, and she'll say something so hateful...she LOVES to push my buttons. And if I say, why are you saying hurtful things? That might start a war b/c DENIAL is her best friend's (CHAOS) friend!

Being away from her is the best solution for me. And I stay away from new people who exhibit this behavior as well...

I almost feel as though we were raised by different mothers. It is best to keep a distance.

Evil people are masters at button pushing.
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Old 01-01-2013, 09:48 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
19,526 posts, read 24,470,587 times
Reputation: 51720
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShellNic View Post
I have one sister who does this - we are all children of the same mother, but my other sister accepts the other one's behavior b/c "mom was so mean to her when she was little". Mom was an alcoholic. I always say to this sister "am I hallucinating or did we not all grow up with the same people, doing the same things?"

So, the older one is a cross between a bully (she likes it when I cry) and a "have to live in chaos" type. Half the time, I'm not sure she can clearly see what she's doing, but unfortunately, I have seen her get off on the chaos and be fully aware of her actions.

To answer the question? Sorry, but WHO CARES? I don't know why my sister (and actually my mother did, too) likes the chaos. I lived in the same chaos and do my level best to remain calm and happy, which btw, is difficult but I manage. We can be humming along, really enjoying each other, and she'll say something so hateful...she LOVES to push my buttons. And if I say, why are you saying hurtful things? That might start a war b/c DENIAL is her best friend's (CHAOS) friend!

Being away from her is the best solution for me. And I stay away from new people who exhibit this behavior as well...

I know what you mean all too well.
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Old 01-02-2013, 07:28 PM
 
13,049 posts, read 16,087,687 times
Reputation: 15244
Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
When people "act-out" they don't usually "stop and think" or weigh the consequences of their actions...Little kids might throw a temper tantrum in the middle of a store with no thought about their reputation or how others may view them...Bullies and abusers think they can say or do whatever they want with no consequences...Why do people stay with someone who has a tendency to "act-out" and "ruin things" and continually disappoint them?...I think it has to do with our level of self-esteem and what we might have experienced in the past when we were growing-up...Our sense of "normal" might include being "let down" and disappointed (on a routine basis) by loved ones. What do you think? Thanks.
I think you could very well be right..Maybe people stay with someone who continually disapoints them because they feel that "this" is all they'll ever have...or deserve..maybe they've come to believe that (even if he/she is abusive) a negative love is better than no love at all...Maybe they think that "this" is all they'll ever have or can expect in life. I agree it has a lot to do with self-esteem, and how we were brought up...Maybe people stay with someone who is a bully because they've experienced a seldom seen sadness, and vulnerability in that partner, and they feel they can make it right........ My only hope would be that there is some joy and happiness on the hard road they've chosen.
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