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Everything can be going along "great!" ("Smooth-sailing!")...Then "smack!" Someone creates an "upset" of one kind or another all over again to "ruin things."...What is the "pay-off" in "messing things up" or picking a fight or pushing an issue in negative ways?...Why do some people seem to have trouble with ongoing happiness? To the point that they have to do something to create "chaos" and destroy the "good feelings?"...They seem to act in compulsive ways. It's as if an "alarm" goes off inside of them when things have been "going good" for too long. And they have an urge to "screw things up" again in one way or another...Why do people stay in relationships with people who have a tendency to "ruin things" on a periodic basis? I guess it all just becomes normal after awhile..Thanks for listening. Please share your views too. I've been wanting to have a discussion about all of this for awhile now.
Your topics can be interesting, but I find the overuse of quotation marks confusing (the same way some people feel about my color choice, so I understand if this is not something you care to change) - the bottom line is I don't read your posts - I find them too "chaotic!"
imcurious...I've never had any problem with the colors you use in your posts. I like colors!...Sorry that my quotation marks bother you. Same goes for my posts. Sorry if I said or did something to upset you...I'm just here to talk and share and try to learn new things. Guess I can get carried away at times. I enjoy going "in-depth" when possible...Anyway it's okay if you want to by-pass my threads and posts. I know that we live in a "different strokes for different folks" kind of world.
To answer the OP, some people like to project their negativity. In the long run it is a self-unfulfilling prophecy, since most people don't want to be around this.
dreamofmonterey...I agree with you. It's all about projection...Someone may come home from work with "bottled-up stress" and take their stress "out" on family members...If we have a lot of unresolved issues and "old baggage" from our past we will "recreate" all of it (in one form or another) in our current relationships...Anything that we haven't "owned" or "dealt-with" is bound to keep "popping-up." Don't you think? Thanks for your post.
When people "act-out" they don't usually "stop and think" or weigh the consequences of their actions...Little kids might throw a temper tantrum in the middle of a store with no thought about their reputation or how others may view them...Bullies and abusers think they can say or do whatever they want with no consequences...Why do people stay with someone who has a tendency to "act-out" and "ruin things" and continually disappoint them?...I think it has to do with our level of self-esteem and what we might have experienced in the past when we were growing-up...Our sense of "normal" might include being "let down" and disappointed (on a routine basis) by loved ones. What do you think? Thanks.
I think that for some reason, certain people are just used to living in chaos, and when thing are calm, they subconciously create cause. They do not even realize that they do it. They think they are justified in the drama they create. They cannot just go along to get along. They find conflict in everything. I think they feel unsettled when things are going smooth.
I read a auto biography by Susan Somers quite a while ago (it was given to me). One thing that stuck with me is that she was the child of an alcholic parent. Somewhere along the line someone introduced her to the idea that children of alcholic parents have the inclination to create this kind of chaos in their own lives, without knowing why. They "why" pretty much is that they were raised in chaos, so them that is what is normal.
I don't think this behavior is exclusive to children of alcoholics, of course. There could be many reasons for this type of behavior, I'm sure.
I can think of a couple reasons why someone might stay with a person like that. First, because they are the same type of person, who also need drama and chaos in their lives.
Two, they fell in love with the person not realizing how far the would take things. Then, they became commited to the relationship and perhaps felt stuck in it.
Three, they feel like they won't be able to find anyone better (as you mentioned - low self esteem)
Four, it's an abusive relationships and they are afraid to leave (could also be atributed to low self esteem, but maybe just simple fear could be the reason as well).
I'm not sure if it's all about projection. I have two sisters who do this. I think one is a bully pure and simple. She can be fun and funny - as long as things go her way completely. And she is the center of attention. It's a narcissistic thing.
The other sister has borderline personality disorder. I have always thought so and when a therapist confirmed it, she fired him. In fact she creates chaos with therapists!
So although they are my sisters, I keep a healthy distance.Very healthy. I don't see them. It is sad that we really have no extended family, but it would be even sadder if the abusive bully was in my life or the flakey drama queen.
I don't care about blood ties.
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