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Old 07-15-2012, 11:40 AM
 
Location: Purgatory
2,663 posts, read 4,675,298 times
Reputation: 3054

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saritaschihuahua View Post
I don't know. Have you tried everything?
She just said she did. I believe her.

Actually, many of us have, including myself. We're not idiots, although I know there is a tendency of others to treat those suffering from depression as idiots or children who simply need to pop a few pills or talk to some expensive idiot who is just getting paid to hear their problems.

 
Old 07-15-2012, 01:10 PM
 
Location: Bay Area
1,621 posts, read 2,351,236 times
Reputation: 951
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
I know I have tried almost everything, including but not limited to the following: therapy (several therapists and several methods, including cbt, etc), hypnosis, anti-depressants (several different ones), support groups, books, seminars, psychics, physical fitness, good diet, affirmations, the bible, life coaches, etc. Am I missing anything here? Maybe electric shock therapy is the one thing I haven't tried. Now all those things combined have helped me move the needle a LITTLE, but nowhere near enough. This is what I'm saying.
PLEASE don't try electric shock therapy!
 
Old 07-15-2012, 01:27 PM
 
Location: Bay Area
1,621 posts, read 2,351,236 times
Reputation: 951
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShellNic View Post
You know, I worked with this woman for years and overall, she was average intelligence. She had tremendous capacity for her family and children (something I really admired) and she was capable in her job (as long as it wasn't too deep) but she just wasn't terribly smart. I know this sounds kinda bad... but my point is that she was really happy. She just didn't think too deep about stuff and she was happy as one can be. I was pretty envious of that ability to just not worry...alas, that's just the way it is!!
i like that. it seems so true to me too!
 
Old 07-15-2012, 01:47 PM
 
7,300 posts, read 5,765,449 times
Reputation: 2863
You know, maybe also people's brains are different. Let me explain what I mean. I have a really good friend who became a grandpa to twin girls 2 years ago. The girls are not identical twins, but both are beautiful and loved. From the time they were babies and as they grow up, their personalities have been, and are, very different.

One is a social butterfly. She's also relaxed, calm, doesn't cry as much, and approaches people readily. She loves to be held, picked up, played with. She loves modeling new clothes, is a show-off, and loves having photos taken.

The other one is a bit nervous, more withdrawn, suspicious, doesn't approach people readily (it takes her a long time to accept a new person), cries more than her sister, and has always been fussy. She also doesn't like to be touched as much. And you know what? She shows higher cognitive skills.

The sisters love one another, but they're utterly different. I think people are born with different personalities.

My sister and I are also very different. We're both compassionate, but I feel terrible guilt when I do something I feel is not right. She doesn't. When I don't live up to standards, I feel awful. She doesn't, she just laughs it off. When I don't succeed, I feel that I've failed. She doesn't. She thinks the thing she attempted was just wrong, or off.

Doesn't mean she's better, doesn't mean I have more of a conscience. All it means is that we were born with different personalities. Sure, sometimes I wish I were the way she is, but I will never be, and the people that like me, REALLY LIKE ME because I'm often a mess of guilt and feeling that I haven't lived up to standards. That's not necessarily a bad thing, I suppose.

There's another thing I just thought of. Men and women have different stressors. Women stress because they're expected to be perfectly, ravishingly beautiful from age 0 to 90. If they're not, they're judged, or at least feel they are being judged. Lots of bad comes from that. Men stress out over having to be a tremendous success in terms of finances, power, etc. The U.S. is a perfect example of that, it puts lots of stress on men and women to be perfect in those ways.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
I think thats possible. For me it boils down to a few things: not being able to let go of past mistakes and having an enormous amount of regret, feeling its just too late, truly believing I'm not good enough and never will be, and my parents never helping instill confidence in me. In fact, what my Mother did was the opposite, so I have a lot farther to go. It just feels so overwhelming and so much to overcome at the advanced age of 43 (I feel 10 years behind personally and professionally), that I'm tired and don't care anymore. The major thing is the loss of hope that it will EVER improve. It won't.
 
Old 07-15-2012, 03:11 PM
 
Location: North Texas
24,577 posts, read 34,233,458 times
Reputation: 28402
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
I know I have tried almost everything, including but not limited to the following: therapy (several therapists and several methods, including cbt, etc), hypnosis, anti-depressants (several different ones), support groups, books, seminars, psychics, physical fitness, good diet, affirmations, the bible, life coaches, etc. Am I missing anything here? Maybe electric shock therapy is the one thing I haven't tried. Now all those things combined have helped me move the needle a LITTLE, but nowhere near enough. This is what I'm saying.
This.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonborn View Post
She just said she did. I believe her.

Actually, many of us have, including myself. We're not idiots, although I know there is a tendency of others to treat those suffering from depression as idiots or children who simply need to pop a few pills or talk to some expensive idiot who is just getting paid to hear their problems.
And this.

Both Atlguy39 and dragonborn nailed it better than I could have.
 
Old 07-15-2012, 03:44 PM
 
Location: In a state of denial
1,289 posts, read 2,724,314 times
Reputation: 942
A lot of it has to do with how our mothers raised us. I've been reading a lot of self help books and have come to the conclusion that if we didn't get what we needed as children (nurturing, confidence, praise, etc.) we are damaged as adults. Especially if our mothers were narcissists. We are damaged for life. It isn't something we can just "get over", no matter what we do.
 
Old 07-15-2012, 04:07 PM
 
7,300 posts, read 5,765,449 times
Reputation: 2863
Yes, it's infinitely better to have a great family.

But not everything can be blamed on how we are raised. Some of it we are born with. We are a combination of nature and nurture. Genetics and background all play a part in how we are. For ex., I have ADD. As far back as I can remember, I recall having multiple symptoms of ADD. It certainly makes life more complicated and difficult than for someone who doesn't have ADD because it not only affects attention, but also my emotions, feelings, and personality.

OCD also runs in my family. I know my grandfather had it as (I've heard, from the descriptions of older family members) did his father. My grandpa, sweet man with a very caring mom (from what my 2nd cousin has explained), was a basketcase with regard to many things. Back then they called him, "nervous." He was a "nervous" child, then he was a "nervous" young man. Later, he was a "nervous" older man. There are others in my family who have OCD as well. My father sure does, and it's not easy to deal with him. His emotions go up and down, and his demands are huge and endless. He's got as many issues as his father, and there's no way for him to just be content because OCD affects not only a need for organization, rules, cleanliness, etc., but the emotions, the feelings, and personality. There are actual brain differences between a person that suffers OCD and one that doesn't. Same with ADD. Same with other brain conditions. And I gave OCD only as an example. There are lots of other problems which are inherited, and I'm sure are not yet identified.

I think if the world's population all had MRIs and we were all placed in categories, a pattern would emerge, and we'd understand brain differences and how these affect emotions, feelings, and personality. It'll be a long time before we understand the brain fully, I think.

Sure, some people have nasty families and that definitely affects kids, and some don't, but there are too many exceptions - people that come from great families and turn out to have difficulties, and vice versa. That's not to say it's not better to have one great, kick-ass family. It definitely is better!

Quote:
Originally Posted by chuck_steak View Post
A lot of it has to do with how our mothers raised us. I've been reading a lot of self help books and have come to the conclusion that if we didn't get what we needed as children (nurturing, confidence, praise, etc.) we are damaged as adults. Especially if our mothers were narcissists. We are damaged for life. It isn't something we can just "get over", no matter what we do.
 
Old 07-16-2012, 10:00 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
2,727 posts, read 5,500,677 times
Reputation: 1980
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
I think thats possible. For me it boils down to a few things: not being able to let go of past mistakes and having an enormous amount of regret, feeling its just too late, truly believing I'm not good enough and never will be, and my parents never helping instill confidence in me. In fact, what my Mother did was the opposite, so I have a lot farther to go. It just feels so overwhelming and so much to overcome at the advanced age of 43 (I feel 10 years behind personally and professionally), that I'm tired and don't care anymore. The major thing is the loss of hope that it will EVER improve. It won't.

Oh my. Did you steal my hands and type this????? You have just described how I feel too. Change 43 to 36, and your post is me.
 
Old 07-16-2012, 10:16 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,364 posts, read 4,724,297 times
Reputation: 6561
Quote:
Originally Posted by CTGirlNoMore View Post
Oh my. Did you steal my hands and type this????? You have just described how I feel too. Change 43 to 36, and your post is me.
Wow. Really? I'm glad you can relate and very sad at the same time. Its just awful living life this way.
 
Old 07-16-2012, 11:43 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
2,727 posts, read 5,500,677 times
Reputation: 1980
It really is awful living like this.

Another thing that irritates me is being made to feel like everything is my fault. Best example I can think of right now is when I lived with my stepmother's daughter, who is a year older than me. My dad and I moved here, but the apartment was teeny. So he and stepmom lived in it and her daughter and I moved in together the floor above from them. She chose to only work part time and what she couldn't afford for her half her mother paid. Then she moved her boyfriend in without asking me.

He never worked, and she still worked part time. After 3 months of trying to make it work, I got tired of paying for groceries that I never got to eat (he did), and paying $150/month for MY HALF of the electric bill because he was home all day with the a/c running nonstop. So I suggested that maybe he could chip in for stuff since he was now living there. She got ugly, he got ugly, her mother got ugly, and my father took all their sides. So I gave my 30 day notice to the landlord, who YELLED at me for leaving them (the roommate and her boyfriend) in lurch with no notice (WTH???) and how did I expect them to pay the bills, how rude I was, etc. She didn't even care that my roommate had moved her bf in without telling anyone.

So I had everyone ticked off at me for doing such a bad thing and leaving them struggling. Why? Because I work my tail off to pay my way only to have to pay for her bf to leech off us? They were both capable of working full time, but chose not to. And I got the cold shoulder for YEARS. After 13 years they STILL hold it against me.

ALl I can think is that's what I get for being responsible and asking that if we have a 3rd roommate he should chip in.

Why me? Why do these things happen to me? Know what happened to her? Nothing. She's had the easiest life with everyone helping her out along the way. And she's the freaking victim and hero.
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