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Old 07-17-2012, 10:27 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
2,727 posts, read 5,500,677 times
Reputation: 1980

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Just to clarify, my ex wasn't absuive at first and NO ONE had any idea, even my dad's girlfriend who was in an abusive relationship herself and knew the signs. My ex played nice, charming guy til we got married. Then he changed pratically overnight.

I am doing fine now, despite the trouble I went through trying to leave him. I hid from him for years, had a restraining order. Then I found he had passed away 2 years after I left him. I've felt quite safe ever since.

 
Old 07-17-2012, 10:50 AM
 
7,300 posts, read 5,765,449 times
Reputation: 2863
That (the being very nice, then suddenly changing overnight when you marry him, or move in with him, or stop working, or some specific event) has a NAME, and I forgot it. I'll ask my sister and post it.

I'm glad you're well.

Oh my goodness, he passed away? From what?





Quote:
Originally Posted by CTGirlNoMore View Post
Just to clarify, my ex wasn't absuive at first and NO ONE had any idea, even my dad's girlfriend who was in an abusive relationship herself and knew the signs. My ex played nice, charming guy til we got married. Then he changed pratically overnight.

I am doing fine now, despite the trouble I went through trying to leave him. I hid from him for years, had a restraining order. Then I found he had passed away 2 years after I left him. I've felt quite safe ever since.
 
Old 07-17-2012, 11:02 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
2,727 posts, read 5,500,677 times
Reputation: 1980
I have no idea how he passed away. I can only imagine the drinking and drugs that he was involved in when I left him played a part.
 
Old 07-20-2012, 06:04 AM
 
Location: Nebraska
4,178 posts, read 9,634,493 times
Reputation: 9592
Quote:
Originally Posted by CTGirlNoMore View Post
Just to clarify, my ex wasn't absuive at first and NO ONE had any idea, even my dad's girlfriend who was in an abusive relationship herself and knew the signs. My ex played nice, charming guy til we got married. Then he changed pratically overnight.

I am doing fine now, despite the trouble I went through trying to leave him. I hid from him for years, had a restraining order. Then I found he had passed away 2 years after I left him. I've felt quite safe ever since.
My sympathies; I went thru the same thing. NO ONE in our church or families believed my ex was a violent wife and child abuser - except my dad. I spent several years hiding/running/protecting my children from my ex, too - until I met and married a man who told him bluntly to back off. Even then, the church told me to divorce my second husband and remarry my first, or I would not be 'saved'! Well, I'll go to hell with this one (30 years happily married) before I remarry my ex!

BTW, my ex introduced me to his fiancee the year after I got remarried. He was trying to make me jealous! She was really scared to meet me (can't even imagine what the church and the ex had told her!). So I took her aside, gave her my business card, and told her - "When he starts beating you, and no one will help you or believe you, call me and I'll come and help you." She went wide-eyed and gasped, but took the card. Six weeks later she cancelled the engagement. Smart girl.
 
Old 07-20-2012, 06:40 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
2,727 posts, read 5,500,677 times
Reputation: 1980
(((SCGranny)))

I know all too well about the running. I don't have children, but I remember moving into my new apartment and I wouldn't even open the window shades that faced the street, for quite a while. When I finally did, I didn't allow my cats to sit in those windows. I had a fear that he may drive by and recognize them, and find out where I lived.

And it turned out his mother KNEW of his behavior, and when I left him and she admitted she knew, she was mad at ME for leaving him. Okay, I know it was her son, but really. Should you be shocked that his wife leaves him under those circumstances?
 
Old 07-20-2012, 10:14 AM
 
Location: North Texas
24,577 posts, read 34,233,458 times
Reputation: 28402
Checking in to say...everything still sucks. Nobody cares, so why should I.
 
Old 07-20-2012, 07:46 PM
 
Location: in a pond with the other human scum
1,887 posts, read 1,966,913 times
Reputation: 2199
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigDGeek View Post
Checking in to say...everything still sucks. Nobody cares, so why should I.
I'm sorry to hear that. I've always thought, reading what you had to say (on this thread at least), that you sounded like an interesting person. But that don't feed the bulldog, does it?

I'm stuck in ennui-land myself, kind of wishing I would be going to work tomorrow just so I could be around some people I like (and who like me) and I'd have work to fill the day. Oh, wait...the people would be gone, because they have, you know, lives, and aren't coming into the office on Saturday for much of anything.

It's funny-- even with people who know me and (I think) like me, I don't like to talk about what's inside this bile-soaked heart of mine. It's like I can see their eyes glaze over and they start looking for the exit. I can't say that I blame them.

I know I should care, that that might jump-start something to make the rest of this life better, but it's so hard, not to get started, but to keep at it. It's like there's no dream compelling enough to take me through the dips.

But tonight I won't solve anything, so I'll try and put the whip down and have a margarita chased down with just enough chocolate.
 
Old 07-21-2012, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,495 posts, read 24,224,830 times
Reputation: 8847
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
None of you are taking responsibility for creating your own realities. It can be difficult to change your thinking, but it is possible . . .being hopeless will just lead to more of that which you complain about . . .since that is clearly not working for you, what is the resistance to trying something different?

How about today every time a negative thought comes up, you say, "stop" and think of something positive? How about you completely change your routine? How about you TRY to find something to be grateful for? Or how about you think about someone else for a change? Just for today.


unsolicited pollyanna advice.
 
Old 07-21-2012, 01:31 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
15,423 posts, read 22,649,300 times
Reputation: 23525
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamofmonterey View Post

unsolicited pollyanna advice.
LOL. Just got notice that I am probably losing my job. My world is crashing around me. When my husband got home he couldn't understand why I had suddenly become depressed, filled with anxiety and can barely function.

Things like this, I just can't cope. I don't care anymore. Life is so hard the older you get. I know this is very small and trivial compared to what everyone else is going through, but my head lives in a glass house. One small crack and I break into pieces. I hate it, hate it, hate it.

Last edited by veuvegirl; 07-21-2012 at 01:40 PM.. Reason: spelling
 
Old 07-21-2012, 01:37 PM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,495 posts, read 24,224,830 times
Reputation: 8847
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyrano View Post
How about today (and even into tomorrow) every time you get the urge to lecture people you don't know about how they should live their lives, you say "stop"?


OP, many can empathize.

The worst is people who are just pollyannas, problems are complicated today, unless its to help I never judge people or act like a know-it-all.
That is simply the worst. Of course, some who do that are also trolls. Many of them frequently on here offer nothing constructive, at all.
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