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Old 07-03-2012, 06:10 PM
 
1,245 posts, read 1,576,083 times
Reputation: 1352

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Quote:
My folks obviously grew up in a different era. And as smart, I mean really smart, as they are, they are absolutely clueless about my life...and the MANY others who share a similar life. They simply can't fathom that things are that different than when they grew up, or that the economy is that much worse than the 70's, or that networking doesn't pay off...oh, I could rattle off many examples of where their thinking is and how it doesn't align with reality.
I hear ya! My parent's are the same way. All I have to do is be positive[even thought they are NOT in anyway] and go out and meet the "right" people and all will "fall into place." What a freakin joke!

Quote:
I guess what is so awful is that they compare me to their friends' kids and actually treat me worse b/c I don't measure up. They freaking live in a retirement community for rich, retired Californians (think near Palm Springs) and I'm pretty sure our circumstances are different. Hey, I'm happy for the people who got something grander out of their life.
Mine compare me to others, and let me tell you that "others" are all VERY successful! And then they hint that I could have it all too! "You just have to go out there and get it"! Um, I've tried. Those people have been successful since day one and now they have 40 years of good crap built up and a house and a family. I'm middle aged and still at the starting mark!


Quote:
And I'm not completely miserable myself...I mean, if they could stop reminding me, that would be ok...but I do have a lot of anxiety thinking about how crazy things are. People ARE rude. People ARE indifferent. People are so status conscious, that yes, being unemployed is worse than being in prison (or so it seems). My family actually thinks I'd be better off without my husband...they don't come right out and say it but his being unemployed really chaps their behind. As if my only need for him is the financial support he could bring...wow! JUST PLAIN WOW...
Being unemployed is worse in society's eyes than being in prison because people generally look at prisoners and feel sorry for them. People look at the unemployed and say "you lazy sob! Get off you a** and get a job. Today! Like right now! Just barge into the hiring manager's office of some company and FORCE him to give you a job! Worked for me back in 1955!"



Quote:
I guess people who've had things fall in line, with even a few bumps along the way, just can't grasp that not everyone's reality is the same, so they like to make generalized comments about positivity and all that nonsense. And when I am positive, just FYI, it's because I feel better...not b/c I think it will change any outcome.
These are the people who make me the angriest. You find out that they just fell into their success. Maybe had a little struggle and maybe even a little loss but then they had this great opportunity fall into their lap and all was well again. And they can't understand why you can't live the same way but life doesn't give the good stuff to everybody. I think it does give good stuff to most though. They can't understand what it is to work hard for something only to have it crumble to pieces or to have a door close in your face and not have another one open.


Quote:
I say, hang in there. Do exactly what you want on our holi-DAY. Perhaps we can think of new "positive" (hehe) comments to shoot back at all those folks who don't get what we're going through...
I don't really care about holidays at all anymore. Not a one. Just another day to me.

 
Old 07-04-2012, 12:11 PM
 
Location: in a pond with the other human scum
1,888 posts, read 1,970,358 times
Reputation: 2200
Can I join in? I'm even a native Texan in exile if that'll help. I'm rapidly getting to the "not caring" stage. Like you guys sound, I've reached an age where human nature makes more sense than it did when I was younger-- and it's not pretty. At work, being competent at my job is far less important than sucking up to my (significantly younger) (and terribly insecure) boss. But I need to hold on to the job for at least 22 more months in order to qualify for a halfway decent pension that might keep dog food out of my diet.

I've lost all interest in politics-- no, it's worse than that. It's depressing, and hopeless, a lowest common denominator race to the bottom. And I'm pretty convinced that there's no super-daddy in the sky who's going to answer my prayers and make everything all right. There is no life after this one and, based on how this one's turning out, that's ok by me. There is also no karmic justice and everything doesn't come out ok in the end.

While I'm grateful for the recent quiet backlash against the conventional wisdom that happiness demands that you be an outgoing extravert, I'm still depressed at how superficiality seems to advance people farther in life than intelligence and planning. It's just as well, since I tried being more of an extravert and it was repellent to me. I'm also sure to not win more friends among those types because like some of you, I'm increasingly unable or unwilling to hide my feelings.

And I don't want to change. Even if I could be guaranteed that changing would make my life better, at 60 I've come to accept who I am, and if people don't like me, $%#@ 'em. I think the worst thing is that I understand how things work a lot better than I used to-- and it ain't pretty. Our fellow human beings are superficial, frightened, insecure, and lazy. I'm all of those things too.

I loved the movie "Idiocracy" when it came out. I just didn't think it would come to pass 490 years early.
 
Old 07-04-2012, 12:24 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 11,247,642 times
Reputation: 8956
None of you are taking responsibility for creating your own realities. It can be difficult to change your thinking, but it is possible . . .being hopeless will just lead to more of that which you complain about . . .since that is clearly not working for you, what is the resistance to trying something different?

How about today every time a negative thought comes up, you say, "stop" and think of something positive? How about you completely change your routine? How about you TRY to find something to be grateful for? Or how about you think about someone else for a change? Just for today.


 
Old 07-04-2012, 09:16 PM
 
1,245 posts, read 1,576,083 times
Reputation: 1352
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
None of you are taking responsibility for creating your own realities. It can be difficult to change your thinking, but it is possible . . .being hopeless will just lead to more of that which you complain about . . .since that is clearly not working for you, what is the resistance to trying something different?

How about today every time a negative thought comes up, you say, "stop" and think of something positive? How about you completely change your routine? How about you TRY to find something to be grateful for? Or how about you think about someone else for a change? Just for today.



OK, "Queen of everything"
By the way, are those rose colored glasses prescription?
 
Old 07-04-2012, 09:32 PM
 
1,245 posts, read 1,576,083 times
Reputation: 1352
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyrano View Post
Can I join in? I'm even a native Texan in exile if that'll help. I'm rapidly getting to the "not caring" stage. Like you guys sound, I've reached an age where human nature makes more sense than it did when I was younger-- and it's not pretty. At work, being competent at my job is far less important than sucking up to my (significantly younger) (and terribly insecure) boss. But I need to hold on to the job for at least 22 more months in order to qualify for a halfway decent pension that might keep dog food out of my diet.

I've lost all interest in politics-- no, it's worse than that. It's depressing, and hopeless, a lowest common denominator race to the bottom. And I'm pretty convinced that there's no super-daddy in the sky who's going to answer my prayers and make everything all right. There is no life after this one and, based on how this one's turning out, that's ok by me. There is also no karmic justice and everything doesn't come out ok in the end.

While I'm grateful for the recent quiet backlash against the conventional wisdom that happiness demands that you be an outgoing extravert, I'm still depressed at how superficiality seems to advance people farther in life than intelligence and planning. It's just as well, since I tried being more of an extravert and it was repellent to me. I'm also sure to not win more friends among those types because like some of you, I'm increasingly unable or unwilling to hide my feelings.

And I don't want to change. Even if I could be guaranteed that changing would make my life better, at 60 I've come to accept who I am, and if people don't like me, $%#@ 'em. I think the worst thing is that I understand how things work a lot better than I used to-- and it ain't pretty. Our fellow human beings are superficial, frightened, insecure, and lazy. I'm all of those things too.

I loved the movie "Idiocracy" when it came out. I just didn't think it would come to pass 490 years early.
Very good post!
I can live with the fact that life is pointless, I can live with the fact that there is no life after death, I can also live with the fact that there is no God[if that is indeed the case], the thing that really depresses me are the fake and superficial demands of this soulless society, of the whole world really. People have lost a certain essence of being human. BUT, this society still works very well for many people so I guess this is where we stay. No art, no beauty, no philosophy, no poetry. Just consumerism, materialism, high n' mighty attitudes, data, pointless "busy work," and more butt-kissing to earn a few coins to buy the shiny baubles that seem to keep most people going.
You are right, if one is of such an intellect, then as that person ages he/she is able to see the world in all it's ugly truth. I'll tell you this, for such finite creatures we sure do walk around all smug like we will live forever. I think the majority now believe that they will never die and if they do by some chance die, they will go to a magical land where they can take all their goodies with them. Yes, they believe that their iphone will get full bars in heaven!
Our possessions and "careers" now define us. We are no longer people first.
 
Old 07-04-2012, 11:25 PM
 
Location: Nebraska
4,178 posts, read 9,643,129 times
Reputation: 9592
Shhhh... tell no one (except the 30,000 folks or so who read this).

I point blank just don't give a crap.

Back in the 60's and 70's, I thought life and love would be simple; career, marriage, house with the white picket fence, 2.3 children, a dog and a cat. Then my first husband turned out to be a violent abuser. The church that I had joined and dedicated so much of my young life to (choir, Sunday School teacher, aged-member assistance) told me that I had to stay with him and God would reward me. BAM - no more BS "love", no more religious fervor, no more faith.

Then I met my current DH. The church told us that if we got married we would both go to he -l. We had a practical, not a romantic relationship, based on friendship and pure common sense. We told THEM to go to he-l. (Actually we used the F-bomb). He adopted my two sons and we had a daughter, and we had a great relationship... even though most people who 'knew' us sneered at us and gossiped about us because they thought we were so very different. Eff them.

Then in the 80s I was falsely accused of child abuse. I not only sued the SS and won, but I went on to help hundreds of people, started an organization to help people, lined them up with attorneys to defend them against false accusation, testified for them, even testified in front of judicial committees making laws. From there I got heavily politically involved. I was working to change things, to make the world a better place, or at least my little corner of it. Things happened around me, I was famous (and infamous), praised and applauded - and constantly had to put up with lies, insults, and out-and-out jealousy and cruelty. People expected me to come running to their sides, 24/7, and help them with all of their freaking problems - and rarely did I ever even get a thank you; usually it was a nasty insult. My attorney - whom I kept on retainer - used to shake his head and call me "Dona Quixote".

Then when DH got hurt and I was diagnosed with lupus, I told everyone that I had to step down and step back to take care of my home life and myself. The worthless bustards that I had helped and cared for turned on me like weasels, slashing and snarling - How DARE I think of myself? How DARE I not take care of all of their little helplessnesses and uselessnesses any more? To he-l with me and my DH and MY problems - I even had to deal with reporters coming to my house asking "how could you?", trying to guilt me into staying and being their favorite patsy.

I had a friend I met again many years after we graduated from High school together. He showed me his business card. In big gorgeous bold script on one side it said,"F**K 'EM". On the back it said, "F**K 'EM ALL". (no stars)

-and that is how I feel now. I don't give a crap about anyone else, their problems, their helplessness. Sure I could fix it for them, but why bother? Yes, I have the answers, but - why should I give them to them? Yes, I know which politicians are full of crap and which (less than a handful) are not; why should I tell them? Yes, I know what to do and when to do it - WTF makes anyone think I should share that with them? No I don't want to join your organization, no I don't want to lead your group, no I don't want to keep endlessly trying to save your azzes, no I don't want to play in your toilet that looks and smells like every other toilet. These idiots with their mouths endlessly open and their hands perpetually out are nothing but useless, and I've scraped them all off. I have to be careful, though, because like any sticky, clingy, and gross fungus, they keep trying to grow back. The names and faces change - but the dirt-caked broken fingernails clawing for my soul are all the same.

Now I do what I like, what makes ME happy, what pleases ME on any given day, at any given point... "F**K 'EM ALL". My life and my soul are my own, no one else's.

Last edited by SCGranny; 07-04-2012 at 11:36 PM..
 
Old 07-05-2012, 12:03 AM
ino
 
Location: Way beyond the black stump.
680 posts, read 2,261,452 times
Reputation: 1038
I know this is probly a predominantly female thread, nevertheless the ponderings are not gender exclusive.

Hesitant to interject, but I had a good laugh reading through this thread, and just maybe that's because it's cut close to the bone.

My pondering...It can be difficult when one is of an age whereby one can clearly remember how there seemed to be a bright future and/or meaning to life not so many years ago, and then one looks at the present and wonders immediately how the hell things can continue as they are, and at this pace? I believe we are over the peak on that graph, and things are on a downward trend. Pessimistic...??? Well that may well be, but that's what separates the optimist from the pessimist to me, it depends on whether one is looking up from the bottom of the glass, or from the top looking down - half full, or half empty? I believe mine's half empty, but I'm still holding that glass so I guess that means something <g>.
 
Old 07-05-2012, 08:15 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,364 posts, read 4,736,688 times
Reputation: 6561
For me, this is normal. Same thing since my divorce 3 years ago. I just don't care anymore. Every time I start to care about something or someone, I get disappointed. I made the decision 2 days ago to stop trying to date. As it is, I'm unemployed with no prospects and rarely leave the house. I'm just waiting to die, basically. Stopped therapy, antidepressants, etc. I work out a few times a week and eat alright, but like you said, I don't really care anymore. All the important people in my life have left me and I have no career or family, so why bother? I agree with you 100%.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigDGeek View Post
I've dealt with depression on and off for many years. I used to want to get better...I yearned to live depression-free one day.

Then I got divorced, realized there weren't any decent men my age in Dallas (or if there were, it was such a Herculean effort to find them that I'd have to quit my job and hunt for a spouse full-time), realized I'd likely never have children, and found that the reason I wanted to get better is so I could have that.

Realizing now that I can't have it (why is another thread entirely and yes, I am somewhat bitter about it), I've stopped caring about most things. This has been going on for years and has steadily gotten worse. I don't care about my future health even though I work out and eat healthy. I do this to stay skinny, not because I want to be healthy. I'm actually not healthy at all. I'm weak, tired, and underweight. But I don't care. Long as I'm not fat.

People tell me to save for the future, for my retirement. Why? Instead of spending 40 years toiling in solitude at work, I'll spend 20 sitting on my widening ass watching daytime TV and NOT wondering how come the kids never call, because I don't have any. Retirement for me would be a nightmare; working is what keeps me sane. I figure once I get too old/sick to work, I'll take care of business after a nice relaxing vacation. "But but..." people sputter when they hear about my plan. Then they realize that I'd be so incredibly lonely as a retiree that it's probably for the best. It's not like anyone would miss me.

I used to be religious about recycling and about green issues, but my concern for the long-term future of Earth isn't what it used to be, mostly because I have no stake in that long-term future. It's not like people with kids give a damn about how what THEY do affects me, so why should I give a damn either?

Basically I just don't care. Stuff doesn't upset me like it used to because I've stopped caring. The only thing I've gotten upset about recently was a YouTube video of dog abuse in China.

Just how abnormal is this level of apathy? Are there others out there like me who are just too afraid to speak up?
 
Old 07-05-2012, 08:19 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,364 posts, read 4,736,688 times
Reputation: 6561
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShellNic View Post
People ARE rude. People ARE indifferent. People are so status conscious, that yes, being unemployed is worse than being in prison (or so it seems).
I guess people who've had things fall in line, with even a few bumps along the way, just can't grasp that not everyone's reality is the same, so they like to make generalized comments about positivity and all that nonsense. And when I am positive, just FYI, it's because I feel better...not b/c I think it will change any outcome.
Amen.
 
Old 07-05-2012, 08:36 AM
 
Location: North Texas
24,576 posts, read 34,278,842 times
Reputation: 28402
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
None of you are taking responsibility for creating your own realities. It can be difficult to change your thinking, but it is possible . . .being hopeless will just lead to more of that which you complain about . . .since that is clearly not working for you, what is the resistance to trying something different?

How about today every time a negative thought comes up, you say, "stop" and think of something positive? How about you completely change your routine? How about you TRY to find something to be grateful for? Or how about you think about someone else for a change? Just for today.

Thanks for making my point for me. People who don't understand are insensitive a$$es when it comes to things like this.

Here's some unsolicited advice for you: don't try to 'help' people with your judgmental platitudes. If you genuinely believe what you wrote to us, you lead an extremely charmed and blessed life. Be grateful, and butt out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SCGranny View Post
Shhhh... tell no one (except the 30,000 folks or so who read this).

I point blank just don't give a crap.

Back in the 60's and 70's, I thought life and love would be simple; career, marriage, house with the white picket fence, 2.3 children, a dog and a cat. Then my first husband turned out to be a violent abuser. The church that I had joined and dedicated so much of my young life to (choir, Sunday School teacher, aged-member assistance) told me that I had to stay with him and God would reward me. BAM - no more BS "love", no more religious fervor, no more faith.

Then I met my current DH. The church told us that if we got married we would both go to he -l. We had a practical, not a romantic relationship, based on friendship and pure common sense. We told THEM to go to he-l. (Actually we used the F-bomb). He adopted my two sons and we had a daughter, and we had a great relationship... even though most people who 'knew' us sneered at us and gossiped about us because they thought we were so very different. Eff them.

Then in the 80s I was falsely accused of child abuse. I not only sued the SS and won, but I went on to help hundreds of people, started an organization to help people, lined them up with attorneys to defend them against false accusation, testified for them, even testified in front of judicial committees making laws. From there I got heavily politically involved. I was working to change things, to make the world a better place, or at least my little corner of it. Things happened around me, I was famous (and infamous), praised and applauded - and constantly had to put up with lies, insults, and out-and-out jealousy and cruelty. People expected me to come running to their sides, 24/7, and help them with all of their freaking problems - and rarely did I ever even get a thank you; usually it was a nasty insult. My attorney - whom I kept on retainer - used to shake his head and call me "Dona Quixote".

Then when DH got hurt and I was diagnosed with lupus, I told everyone that I had to step down and step back to take care of my home life and myself. The worthless bustards that I had helped and cared for turned on me like weasels, slashing and snarling - How DARE I think of myself? How DARE I not take care of all of their little helplessnesses and uselessnesses any more? To he-l with me and my DH and MY problems - I even had to deal with reporters coming to my house asking "how could you?", trying to guilt me into staying and being their favorite patsy.

I had a friend I met again many years after we graduated from High school together. He showed me his business card. In big gorgeous bold script on one side it said,"F**K 'EM". On the back it said, "F**K 'EM ALL". (no stars)

-and that is how I feel now. I don't give a crap about anyone else, their problems, their helplessness. Sure I could fix it for them, but why bother? Yes, I have the answers, but - why should I give them to them? Yes, I know which politicians are full of crap and which (less than a handful) are not; why should I tell them? Yes, I know what to do and when to do it - WTF makes anyone think I should share that with them? No I don't want to join your organization, no I don't want to lead your group, no I don't want to keep endlessly trying to save your azzes, no I don't want to play in your toilet that looks and smells like every other toilet. These idiots with their mouths endlessly open and their hands perpetually out are nothing but useless, and I've scraped them all off. I have to be careful, though, because like any sticky, clingy, and gross fungus, they keep trying to grow back. The names and faces change - but the dirt-caked broken fingernails clawing for my soul are all the same.

Now I do what I like, what makes ME happy, what pleases ME on any given day, at any given point... "F**K 'EM ALL". My life and my soul are my own, no one else's.
Wow...those ingrateful little scrotes. I can't say I blame you one bit.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
For me, this is normal. Same thing since my divorce 3 years ago. I just don't care anymore. Every time I start to care about something or someone, I get disappointed. I made the decision 2 days ago to stop trying to date. As it is, I'm unemployed with no prospects and rarely leave the house. I'm just waiting to die, basically. Stopped therapy, antidepressants, etc. I work out a few times a week and eat alright, but like you said, I don't really care anymore. All the important people in my life have left me and I have no career or family, so why bother? I agree with you 100%.
You sound just like me. Exactly. It's kind of scary.
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