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Old 07-05-2012, 08:38 AM
 
Location: Purgatory
2,663 posts, read 4,684,046 times
Reputation: 3054

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I've stopped caring. It's not worth the fight to try to conform to this ever more materialistic, money driven, superficial and soulless society in which people judge you not based on who you are, but your net worth, physical appearance and what you can bring to the table in terms of money.

It gets to the point where you take a long, hard and objective look at the past, present and the future and realise that not only will it not get better, but the chances are that it'll get worse.

I have gone through hell and I look at what options or avenues I have left and none of them are appealing. I can't even pick which is the lesser evil of the maybe 3-4 directions my life will take at this point, regardless of whether I go all out and try my best to survive or not. It's not desperation talking - it's reality and logic. I have no redeeming qualities, nothing to live for and no real prospects. It's like the car that's been in one too many wrecks or has simply never been taken care of: there's just too much to fix, so it's not feasible to try to salvage it.

I've stopped caring.

 
Old 07-05-2012, 08:47 AM
 
Location: North Texas
24,576 posts, read 34,315,234 times
Reputation: 28402
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonborn View Post
I've stopped caring. It's not worth the fight to try to conform to this ever more materialistic, money driven, superficial and soulless society in which people judge you not based on who you are, but your net worth, physical appearance and what you can bring to the table in terms of money.

It gets to the point where you take a long, hard and objective look at the past, present and the future and realise that not only will it not get better, but the chances are that it'll get worse.

I have gone through hell and I look at what options or avenues I have left and none of them are appealing. I can't even pick which is the lesser evil of the maybe 3-4 directions my life will take at this point, regardless of whether I go all out and try my best to survive or not. It's not desperation talking - it's reality and logic. I have no redeeming qualities, nothing to live for and no real prospects. It's like the car that's been in one too many wrecks or has simply never been taken care of: there's just too much to fix, so it's not feasible to try to salvage it.

I've stopped caring.
This is pretty much how I feel.

Plus I feel like I came 'defective' from the 'factory', if that makes any sense. People have treated me like poop on their shoes my entire life. The things that others take for granted...marriage, children, family life, etc. were things I hoped for, yearned for, wished I could have...and didn't get. I think one of the reasons I don't have a whole lot of friends is people my own age are married and wrapped up in raising children; we have nothing in common and they do not understand one bit what I'm going through. They also want everything to revolve around their children. We just don't sync up.

Basically I'm a tax-paying economy stimulator who doesn't use any social services, education included. I'm a treasurer's wet dream. Oh, and parents...those schools I'm paying (more than you) for but not using? You're welcome.
 
Old 07-05-2012, 10:17 AM
 
Location: Purgatory
2,663 posts, read 4,684,046 times
Reputation: 3054
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigDGeek View Post
This is pretty much how I feel.

Plus I feel like I came 'defective' from the 'factory', if that makes any sense. People have treated me like poop on their shoes my entire life. The things that others take for granted...marriage, children, family life, etc. were things I hoped for, yearned for, wished I could have...and didn't get. I think one of the reasons I don't have a whole lot of friends is people my own age are married and wrapped up in raising children; we have nothing in common and they do not understand one bit what I'm going through. They also want everything to revolve around their children. We just don't sync up.

Basically I'm a tax-paying economy stimulator who doesn't use any social services, education included. I'm a treasurer's wet dream. Oh, and parents...those schools I'm paying (more than you) for but not using? You're welcome.
I too was "defective" from birth. From early childhood, people didn't hesitate to remind me of how defective I was and how much I didn't fit in (I'll never forget being told "you're not one of us" by another kid whe I was 9 - that's pretty much summed up my life).

My best friend has kids. He isn't a kid person in the sense of being unable to talk about anything else but his kids, but he is still a parent and I cannot socialise with him that often largely for that reason. Now that I am single again, I also find it excruciatingly painful to be around couples and families.....it's a kind of "in my face" reminder of what I'll never have.

I've been told to have a positive attitude, even though I don't give off a negative one outside of this forum. Most people do not understand that some of us are in pain and cannot experience the joy, love, companionship and the motivation to just live, which they clearly take for granted.

Call me an *******, but I am not grateful for what has been a life of endless emotional pain of various stages and little in the way of happiness or stability, certainly not enough to warrant wanting to continue existing.
 
Old 07-05-2012, 10:54 AM
 
Location: North Texas
24,576 posts, read 34,315,234 times
Reputation: 28402
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonborn View Post
I too was "defective" from birth. From early childhood, people didn't hesitate to remind me of how defective I was and how much I didn't fit in (I'll never forget being told "you're not one of us" by another kid whe I was 9 - that's pretty much summed up my life).

My best friend has kids. He isn't a kid person in the sense of being unable to talk about anything else but his kids, but he is still a parent and I cannot socialise with him that often largely for that reason. Now that I am single again, I also find it excruciatingly painful to be around couples and families.....it's a kind of "in my face" reminder of what I'll never have.

I've been told to have a positive attitude, even though I don't give off a negative one outside of this forum. Most people do not understand that some of us are in pain and cannot experience the joy, love, companionship and the motivation to just live, which they clearly take for granted.

Call me an *******, but I am not grateful for what has been a life of endless emotional pain of various stages and little in the way of happiness or stability, certainly not enough to warrant wanting to continue existing.
I hear you. Joy? What's that? I don't think I've ever experienced it.
 
Old 07-05-2012, 12:53 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 11,257,870 times
Reputation: 8956
If the point is just to commiserate with each other and validate your horrible lives, then that's one thing. Just know that you are creating more of the same . . .

If you view people who try to educate you as "butting in," and you really just want a misery club, then you will have plenty of company (as they say, "misery loves company").

I do know what it is like to be despondent and disappointed but I also know that wallowing in those lower vibrations and negative thought patterns just creates more of the same . . .

Don't take my word for it - there are is a lot of information on this subject "out there."

If you would like to change your mood and outlook, you can go to YouTube and put "raising vibration" into the search function . . . there are lots of ways to get out of a rut.

I think body work is great for changing a negative perspective . . .we can always find justifications for WHY things are the way they are . . .but as Juan Miquel Ruiz says (paraphrasing) we are all in our own little dreams . . .and the thoughts we think have been programmed from an early age . . .we can change our thoughts and change our circumstances. The information is available if you truly want to do something other than wallow in your misery.

And if wallowing is your preference, just know you are choosing it.
 
Old 07-05-2012, 01:08 PM
 
Location: Noblesville, IN
3,764 posts, read 4,255,658 times
Reputation: 6365
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
None of you are taking responsibility for creating your own realities. It can be difficult to change your thinking, but it is possible . . .being hopeless will just lead to more of that which you complain about . . .since that is clearly not working for you, what is the resistance to trying something different?

How about today every time a negative thought comes up, you say, "stop" and think of something positive? How about you completely change your routine? How about you TRY to find something to be grateful for? Or how about you think about someone else for a change? Just for today.
You know, I usually enjoy your comments but I have to speak up on this one. This is EXACTLY what we are all saying we dislike...

Just because I turn "traffic sucks" into "I'd love some lemonade" does not make traffic suck any less or make it disappear. I think you're saying that if we change our negatives into a positive that more POSITIVE things will happen...but news flash...it doesn't work like that. Sure, we can change how we think about things and our "perspective" might improve, but it still does not change reality.

Example: I wanted this AWESOME job in Seattle (my hometown). I bought the perfect outfit, I read every single thing I could to figure out a "situational" interview, I got my hair done, I flew 2900 miles to get there, rented a car, was there early and the entire time KNEW I was going to get the job b/c I had all of the qualifications, the education AND the experience. I thought positive the entire time. Guess what? Didn't get the job.

Now, I'm one to believe that it happened for a reason - although I have no clue what that reason is. Even to this day, I have no idea, but I have this idea that things come and go in our life and realize that usually, it turns out "right" for me. But "right" isn't always positive.

I mean, we can psych ourselves into losing something at the tips of our fingers, but most of the time, we can't control what others do. And if I'm correct, a lot of this apathy comes from not being able to control all the chaos and apathy of others...I can't change that my parents would prefer I make a lot of money and tie my being into their expectation. It feels bad and no amount of positivity is going to make them change...my perspective of not caring what they think changes things but it still sucks. Wouldn't you agree?
 
Old 07-05-2012, 01:19 PM
 
Location: Noblesville, IN
3,764 posts, read 4,255,658 times
Reputation: 6365
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
If the point is just to commiserate with each other and validate your horrible lives, then that's one thing. Just know that you are creating more of the same . . .

If you view people who try to educate you as "butting in," and you really just want a misery club, then you will have plenty of company (as they say, "misery loves company").

I do know what it is like to be despondent and disappointed but I also know that wallowing in those lower vibrations and negative thought patterns just creates more of the same . . .

Don't take my word for it - there are is a lot of information on this subject "out there."

If you would like to change your mood and outlook, you can go to YouTube and put "raising vibration" into the search function . . . there are lots of ways to get out of a rut.

I think body work is great for changing a negative perspective . . .we can always find justifications for WHY things are the way they are . . .but as Juan Miquel Ruiz says (paraphrasing) we are all in our own little dreams . . .and the thoughts we think have been programmed from an early age . . .we can change our thoughts and change our circumstances. The information is available if you truly want to do something other than wallow in your misery.

And if wallowing is your preference, just know you are choosing it.
And I don't think it's a matter of wallowing...not in this case anyway. My sister is very negative and wallows in her own misery. I can't be around that because it's soul sucking. But here, I feel like everyone is saying, it wasn't all a pleasure cruise and SOME people just don't see that life isn't the same for everyone.

Some of it's how you grew up, the parents you had...some of it's NOT...but when you look at all the horror in this world and KNOW there's not a darn thing you can do, it gets discouraging. Sure, I can turn a blind eye and live in my own private world, happy as I can be...but that doesn't make the bad stuff go away.
 
Old 07-05-2012, 01:20 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 11,257,870 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShellNic View Post
You know, I usually enjoy your comments but I have to speak up on this one. This is EXACTLY what we are all saying we dislike...

Just because I turn "traffic sucks" into "I'd love some lemonade" does not make traffic suck any less or make it disappear. I think you're saying that if we change our negatives into a positive that more POSITIVE things will happen...but news flash...it doesn't work like that. Sure, we can change how we think about things and our "perspective" might improve, but it still does not change reality.

Example: I wanted this AWESOME job in Seattle (my hometown). I bought the perfect outfit, I read every single thing I could to figure out a "situational" interview, I got my hair done, I flew 2900 miles to get there, rented a car, was there early and the entire time KNEW I was going to get the job b/c I had all of the qualifications, the education AND the experience. I thought positive the entire time. Guess what? Didn't get the job.

Now, I'm one to believe that it happened for a reason - although I have no clue what that reason is. Even to this day, I have no idea, but I have this idea that things come and go in our life and realize that usually, it turns out "right" for me. But "right" isn't always positive.

I mean, we can psych ourselves into losing something at the tips of our fingers, but most of the time, we can't control what others do. And if I'm correct, a lot of this apathy comes from not being able to control all the chaos and apathy of others...I can't change that my parents would prefer I make a lot of money and tie my being into their expectation. It feels bad and no amount of positivity is going to make them change...my perspective of not caring what they think changes things but it still sucks. Wouldn't you agree?
Honestly, I don't have all of the answers or even many of them . . . things don't turn out as we would like them to sometimes. The trick seems to be acceptance - and also getting to the best feeling/thinking state you can get to. Wayne Dyer says to "think the next best thought."

There are blessings in every day - even when there are disappointments. Many people focus strictly on the disappointments. If you can get yourself to a better feeling state (that was why I suggested body work - massages and pedicures can work wonders and they are affordable) then you can stop the negative thinking so you don't spiral down into that hole . . .if you know there is a hole and you fall in it every time . . .maybe one time you can walk around it and say "there is a hole there, I am not going to fall into it this time."

Just do a few things differently - buy flowers, listen to music, watch inspiring videos on YouTube, bake cookies, do something uplifting to your spirit - take a walk in nature, commune with animals, whatever you enjoy.

Just find a way to distract yourself from what you don't like . . .focusing on what you don't like is the problem. And again, I am learning this - these are not my original ideas.

The club of misery will do nothing but take you down further into the pit of despair.
 
Old 07-05-2012, 01:22 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 11,257,870 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShellNic View Post
And I don't think it's a matter of wallowing...not in this case anyway. My sister is very negative and wallows in her own misery. I can't be around that because it's soul sucking. But here, I feel like everyone is saying, it wasn't all a pleasure cruise and SOME people just don't see that life isn't the same for everyone.

Some of it's how you grew up, the parents you had...some of it's NOT...but when you look at all the horror in this world and KNOW there's not a darn thing you can do, it gets discouraging. Sure, I can turn a blind eye and live in my own private world, happy as I can be...but that doesn't make the bad stuff go away.
If you make yourself as happy as possible, you are contributing to the joy in the world and that is contagious and will actually help the world, as a whole (the butterfly effect).
 
Old 07-05-2012, 01:36 PM
 
Location: Noblesville, IN
3,764 posts, read 4,255,658 times
Reputation: 6365
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
If you make yourself as happy as possible, you are contributing to the joy in the world and that is contagious and will actually help the world, as a whole (the butterfly effect).
I do agree that if I'm around a genuinely positive person (making sure that it's not fake), that does uplift me. I gain much satisfaction in the simple things - it's all these complicated things that bring panic to my life.

But you know...I was just thinking...when I started this new job last year, I came with the "I'm happy as a lark to have a job" attitude. I was pleasant and nice to pretty much everyone here. You know where that got me? I eat alone, I get talked about (I know b/c they don't bother to do it behind my back) and sometimes ostracized from group outings.

So, I go home and bury my face in my cat's tummy, I have a wonderful vanilla latte, and watch some show that will make me think or laugh or hopefully both and I get on with my life. I'm extremely thankful for the things that I've worked hard to have...but I think you get my point...even being a delightful individual will not make people be nice to you. And after a while, it gets old and you stop trying.

I don't know what the answer is but I do know what works for me...and your Butterfly Effect might work if half those people even cared what they put out there themselves...but alas, we live around a lot of dummies who don't give a crap about anything but themselves. You know I'm right!!
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