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Old 07-07-2012, 10:10 AM
Location: Purgatory
2,663 posts, read 4,681,460 times
Reputation: 3054


Why is there a continued assumption by certain people that there's something horribly wrong with how we perceive the world, society and ourselves? Maybe, just maybe there is no right or wrong? Our perceptions and opinions are just as valid as those who are happy or comfortable with the world as it is and who don't feel outcasted and alone. I am actually quite tired of being preached to or told to get help, as if it would actually make any difference. Do I have to be drugged up and spend hundreds (or thousands) of dollars that I don't have on therapy, medications and self help books just to be "content" with this nonsense?

My opinions are just as valid as those of a shiny-happy person who is capable of being blissfully oblivious of all that's wrong, or can turn the other cheek. I honestly believe that takes a certain type of brain chemistry; one which I do not possess.

People who experience depression are treated like children who either do not know any better and who need to be "changed", even though many of us work for a living and are not a burden on anyone, nor do we project negativity, which is what we are often accused of. Why not pick on far more harmful personality traits that our society seems to not only accept, but also glorify, such as narcissism, bullying others, adultery.....such traits are far worse and impact others far more severely. Hell, even people with extreme political or religious beliefs are worse and are also dangerous, yet we always pick on those perceived as "weak" or those who have opinions that counter the conventional.

And finally, this is my life and if it gets to the point that I simply wish to end it, no one is going to guilt me into staying around, just because their view on life and suffering differs widely from mine.

Old 07-07-2012, 10:49 AM
Location: Oklahoma
209 posts, read 117,381 times
Reputation: 85
I am 62 and I totally relate to everything people have been writing about on this thread. I have gone through the ups and downs of life...sometimes elegantly, and sometimes like a real wimp. There are real life-phases that we, as human beings go through, and what I have learned is that we can't avoid the "bad times" that life may create for us. I used to follow a "New Thought - just-think-positive" attitude. But I learned there is more to it than that. Sometimes s*#% happens! The reason "why" is unique to each of us and to each situation. And we'd best find out the meaning and how to move on to "loving Life." Yes! Loving Life is the goal....and that means realizing that "a good life" isn't always what other people tell you it means.

One thing I do believe is, we are meant to do the best we can, whatever that is....NOT the best someone else might do in the same situation, but what WE can do. That is why I believe in using tools to help myself - like making sure my Blood Sugar Level isn't distorting my reactions to my every day life. I also believe in GRABBING hope and a sense of purpose wherever I can, as long as it doesn't hurt any living creature. Yeah, I do believe in phases of life, and that things can change, IF I make them change to a REALISTIC outcome that I can be happy with. That often means changing my own idea of things should be and how events must turn out....I often end up discovering something makes me happy in life, that I would have never thought of before.
Old 07-07-2012, 10:50 AM
657 posts, read 612,084 times
Reputation: 437
Originally Posted by BigDGeek View Post
I've dealt with depression on and off for many years. I used to want to get better...I yearned to live depression-free one day.

Then I got divorced, realized there weren't any decent men my age in Dallas (or if there were, it was such a Herculean effort to find them that I'd have to quit my job and hunt for a spouse full-time), realized I'd likely never have children, and found that the reason I wanted to get better is so I could have that.

Realizing now that I can't have it (why is another thread entirely and yes, I am somewhat bitter about it), I've stopped caring about most things. This has been going on for years and has steadily gotten worse. I don't care about my future health even though I work out and eat healthy. I do this to stay skinny, not because I want to be healthy. I'm actually not healthy at all. I'm weak, tired, and underweight. But I don't care. Long as I'm not fat.

People tell me to save for the future, for my retirement. Why? Instead of spending 40 years toiling in solitude at work, I'll spend 20 sitting on my widening ass watching daytime TV and NOT wondering how come the kids never call, because I don't have any. Retirement for me would be a nightmare; working is what keeps me sane. I figure once I get too old/sick to work, I'll take care of business after a nice relaxing vacation. "But but..." people sputter when they hear about my plan. Then they realize that I'd be so incredibly lonely as a retiree that it's probably for the best. It's not like anyone would miss me.

I used to be religious about recycling and about green issues, but my concern for the long-term future of Earth isn't what it used to be, mostly because I have no stake in that long-term future. It's not like people with kids give a damn about how what THEY do affects me, so why should I give a damn either?

Basically I just don't care. Stuff doesn't upset me like it used to because I've stopped caring. The only thing I've gotten upset about recently was a YouTube video of dog abuse in China.

Just how abnormal is this level of apathy? Are there others out there like me who are just too afraid to speak up?
Adult life sucks big time but don.t let depression rip u down , be strong and find a nice church near u .. Perhaps there u will find love and rekindle yr purpose for a good life. I hate that u feel like this And am sorry for my part as part of the human creature Please be well
Old 07-07-2012, 11:39 AM
1,245 posts, read 1,576,429 times
Reputation: 1352
I spent most of the 00's doing the self-help thing. Someone mentioned Wayne Dyer. I was a disciple of his for a while. Read books and listened to tapes. The guy seems pleasant enough but make no mistake about it he is a business man and he does very well. This really sunk in for me when during one of his lectures he was talking about his nice house in Hawaii and he looked around the audience and said "thank you and thank you and thank you." That was my wake up moment that the main person that Wayne Dyer is helping is Wayne Dyer. It was at that moment that I realized that nobody knows what is better for anybody else and nobody has a right to tell anybody else what is the "right" way to live or think. Now when I see some "expert" on a stage lecturing an audience full of "head nodders" it makes me sick.
There is this strange idea in the world that there is some "right" way to live yet the end is the same for EVERYONE! Sure, eating vegetables *might* be better than not eating vegetables but there is no guarantee and whether you eat a lot of vegetables or not you are still going to die at some point. Same goes for making a lot of money, sleeping with beautiful people, owning beautiful things. It's all pretty much pointless. I could see if we were infinite beings and the stuff just kept on building up but we aren't. There is so much pressure these days to be the perfect person, make lots of money, be as healthy as possible, have the perfect family, be socially popular, have only good thoughts. And for what? In a few decades even the most successful people are worm food. I'm not trying to be morbid here but death sure puts a lot of things in perspective for me. I really think that many people out there today feel that they are going to live forever.
Then there is the whole "think about others who have it worse than you and be thankful for what you have" mantra. I'll tell you this, there would be a lot of miserable people out there if the world ever became a level playing field as there seems to be many people who base their happiness on other's misery!
And what about all the people who have it better than me. That's just about everybody as the average person was able to get a house, a job, a spouse, kids. I basically *am* one of these people who people look at to feel better about their lives! And then those same people look at me and say "be thankful for what you do have." Thanks for yelling that to me from your mansion!
I was complaining to my mother last week of being middle aged and not having a wife and you know what she said to me? "Would you really want the hassle of having a wife"? This is coming from someone who has been married for 45 years! That's like asking someone without their legs "would you really want the hassle of walking"? Gawd!
I'm done fighting! Life is too short to be spent fighting and not getting anything in return. Life is going to have to give me good things if it wants me to have good things. It will have to send opportunities my way, it will have to send a nice woman my way, etc. If not then that's fine too. I quit! I don't care if quitting is not sexy or doesn't look good on a resume. I am absolutely tired of fighting to impress a world that could care less about me. I'm tired of people telling me the "right" way that I should think, eat, drink, talk, hold myself, believe, not believe, work, dress, interact with other people, handle my money, do for a living, etc.
The poet Charles Bukowski has the words "Don't Try" on his tombstone. I think he has the right idea!
Old 07-07-2012, 11:51 AM
Location: Raleigh NC
1,346 posts, read 2,757,235 times
Reputation: 2320
Originally Posted by BigDGeek View Post
Attitudes like yours are a HUGE part of the problem, and contribute to the stigmatization and further alienation of people like me.

One more post and I'm putting you on ignore. Nothing personal, but what you write pisses me off.
have you ever heard about "Bright Sided" by Barbara Eihrenreich? You'd love it.

Barbara Ehrenreich - Bright-Sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America, Oct. 22, 2009 on Vimeo
Old 07-07-2012, 12:01 PM
Location: Raleigh NC
1,346 posts, read 2,757,235 times
Reputation: 2320
Originally Posted by cyrano View Post
Guys, I think we're in a healthier place than the people trying to cure us can perceive. This is not a mass suicide thread-- it's a place where we can share how we feel, recognize the commonalities, and accept each other as we are now. I know I was somewhere between intrigued and thrilled when I first saw the thread title and could so identify with BigDGeek's opening post.

I'll bet many of you are like me and have consumed tons of dead trees in self-help books, spent varying amounts of time with counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists, gurus, LCSWs, and shamans (okay, maybe that was just me), and can discuss the finer points of biochemical reactions to Paxil, Zoloft, Prozac, St. John's Wort, and rattlesnake venom (okay, maybe that was just me). I donated the books to the library and took the meds to the medical recycling place so they wouldn't get into the water supply. I spend the money I used to spend on mental health counseling (ha) on margaritas.

I'm tired of being judged for not living up to my full potential, whatever the ^&%$ that is. That's the judgmental voice of my parents (and many of your parents, too, apparently). "Not caring" can take on different meanings for each of us. For me, it includes not particularly caring whether my insecure boss is in a good place this morning or whether I've stepped on one of the many virtual land mines that constitutes our workplace. It means not worrying about whether the front porch gets painted (again) before summer's end, for fear that the neighbors might disapprove (I know they do). It means not particularly caring about the presidential race, because both parties are branches of the Corporate Party. Heck, I don't care if the US becomes a theocracy, which used to be one of my big bugbears. I won't like it, but then I don't like speed traps, mosquitoes, or people who take it upon themselves to "help" people like me when they aren't invited. (I am kind of amused at the fuss in Louisiana when a Muslim madrassa wanted to take charter school money, as they have a perfect legal right to do under their law)

My sense of outrage over pollution is pretty much gone. My sense of outrage generally is ebbing. I try to spend as much of my day as possible doing things that please me. Not things that are good for me, unless they also make me happier. I will care less and less about the greater world, because 60 years of living has taught me that the world doesn't particularly care about me. I'm not angry about that-- it's just the way it is, and my reaction is perfectly reciprocal.

I need to stop caring about people like imcurious and this latest one, but that's evidently a work in progress. I am jealously protective about my right not to be improved. (edit-- ok, I admit to a degree of schadenfreude when I see people like imcurious who are so evidently upset/annoyed/irate at people like us. One of my small pleasures is annoying people who, in my opinion, need to be annoyed.)
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE write a book. You are amazing.
Old 07-07-2012, 12:04 PM
Location: Raleigh NC
1,346 posts, read 2,757,235 times
Reputation: 2320
I absolutely LOVE this thread. I thought I was the only one. Maybe we should start an online group or something. FINALLY people who think like I do!! (Except the chick with the purple writing, she's part of the problem.)

I too was obsessed with the whole positive thinking, law of attraction nonsense for a while, then I read this and have come to my senses:

Old 07-07-2012, 12:10 PM
Location: Raleigh NC
1,346 posts, read 2,757,235 times
Reputation: 2320
[quote=ShellNic;25045515]I'll turn on the TV and I can't watch the news. I feel things way too deeply and I'll see an image that just won't go away: abuse of animals or children, suffering...I can't handle it so I switch over to something that doesn't remind me of all the cruelty out there. Although it wasn't exactly planned, my husband and I didn't have kids and I'm extremely grateful for that. I don't think I could let go of them for one second in the mad world. ME TOO!!!!!!!

I think of a place where it's quiet and nature is full...I hope one day I can move to this quiet, QUIET place...out of the chaos of traffic, rude, unrelenting people, the more more more attitude...give me a rocking chair on a porch, listening to the birds and hoping my kitties don't trounce them...ME TOO!!!!!

Omg Shell, honestly you've made my day. I thought I was all alone in this world feeling like this.
Old 07-07-2012, 12:28 PM
Location: IN
21,323 posts, read 37,244,230 times
Reputation: 13873
The malaise that has become so common everywhere I look is just energy zapping. It's hard to put in the extra time and energy to do things when it doesn't result in much in the way of imporvement. Perhaps I just need to go back to school as I don't care to be in places where "idiocracy" is too common and analysis of thought provoking topics are brushed aside as not important. I do think that most people are really burned out regarding the dysfunctional Congress the two-party system that is owned by big corporations or various goverenment entities, and the fact that inflation of core items continues to increase without the corresponding rise in real income for the majority. The malaise and dysfunction today is worse than the 1970s.
Old 07-07-2012, 01:23 PM
1,245 posts, read 1,576,429 times
Reputation: 1352
Originally Posted by GraniteStater View Post
The malaise and dysfunction today is worse than the 1970s.
I certainly agree about the malaise. It is worse than the 70s[though I was a bit too young then to remember much of it back then]. The difference now is that we are supposed to put on our "Happy Face" and act like we are doing great! And there are some that are doing great in this current system. But even those of us who aren't are supposed to be HAPPY all the time! Some are even going into debt to put forth the image that they are HAPPY!
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