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Old 07-09-2012, 07:12 PM
 
1,245 posts, read 1,574,027 times
Reputation: 1352

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I would say that at this point I am 80% dead inside. There are still those tiny shoots of hope that spring up occasionally but they get trampled back down pretty quickly.
As far back as I can remember life has been telling me, and showing me, that I don't fit into this world. Every time I have grabbed for something and thought that I had found something good, life has smacked it out of my hands and said "you can't have that"! And then some a**hole comes along and says "you have to fight harder for it"! I'm tired of fighting! I'm also tired of being around mean and critical people who NEVER look at their own faults. It must be nice to be as mean and critical as you please and never think twice about how it affects others.

 
Old 07-09-2012, 07:49 PM
 
Location: in a pond with the other human scum
1,887 posts, read 1,967,242 times
Reputation: 2199
hi guys. It looks like there's at least two ways of not caring that are showing up here-- not caring about your own life, and not caring about the world, what people think, what they want you to do, how they think you're somehow deficient. I've got the virtual scars to prove I've lived the first one (for a long time I had a real scar, but that's another story). I've kind of moved to the second one, i think.

Here's an example. It's not caring that someone feels the need to tailgate me in the slow lane (I mean, the SLOW LANE...the first time it happened, I couldn't wrap my mind around it). I believe that tailgaters believe that there's some sort of magic force field that they can impose on you to make you go faster or pull over. Well, on a 4-lane highway where I'm already in the slow lane. What do they want...for me to pull into the ditch for them? (probably so) There was a time when I was Politeness Man and would do what I could to accommodate any other human being that needed accommodating. And, in this instance, the tailgater made me nervous, so I would do it to ease my own stress level. Now, I take a deep breath-- yeah, there's still stress, but I no longer have to react to it like Pavlov's dog-- and gradually drop my speed, mile her hour by mile per hour. Or, do nothing. Enjoy the music. Watch the cloud formations, or the contrails (this is flyover country, after all).

I also don't care that Mr. Insecure Boss is breathing fire again. Like any bully, he wants reactions from people who work for him, because he's fundamentally insecure. I'm not playing his game. If he fires me, he fires me. I've got some money saved. I spent so many years beating up on myself that I can do a far better job of beating me up than he ever could. He's not even good at it.

I wish peace for all of you. Or freedom. Or both.
 
Old 07-09-2012, 09:35 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,712 posts, read 10,292,862 times
Reputation: 7553
well I can't stand interactions with people. they have everything figured out for themselves and everyone else apparently. so why bother with them. a holes!

most of these humans should fall off the ends of the earth as it's already headed that direction anyways.

the world needs more dogs and less people.
 
Old 07-09-2012, 09:49 PM
 
Location: North Texas
24,577 posts, read 34,238,838 times
Reputation: 28402
Quote:
Originally Posted by VX5650 View Post
I would say that at this point I am 80% dead inside. There are still those tiny shoots of hope that spring up occasionally but they get trampled back down pretty quickly.
As far back as I can remember life has been telling me, and showing me, that I don't fit into this world. Every time I have grabbed for something and thought that I had found something good, life has smacked it out of my hands and said "you can't have that"! And then some a**hole comes along and says "you have to fight harder for it"! I'm tired of fighting! I'm also tired of being around mean and critical people who NEVER look at their own faults. It must be nice to be as mean and critical as you please and never think twice about how it affects others.
I could have written this myself. I completely understand.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post

the world needs more dogs and less people.
Absolutely.
 
Old 07-09-2012, 09:57 PM
 
Location: Eugenius
593 posts, read 1,269,600 times
Reputation: 580
I used to like music, I used to really want to play music, write poetry, write stories, be creative. Life just beat it out of me. I found myself looking at this youtube video of this 6 year old drummer who was really really good. He was SIX YEARS OLD. I'm like, what's the point of trying any more, I can't compete with 6 year old prodigies. I find myself saying that a lot about other things too. What's the point of caring if a 6 yr old can come in and do a better job? At 6, I was playing in my backyard trying to swat as many flies as I could on the sidewalk.
 
Old 07-09-2012, 11:03 PM
 
Location: Sol System
1,494 posts, read 2,943,031 times
Reputation: 1026
I used to care about a great many things when I was younger , but not anymore. In summation , the only things I care about are my relatives' well being(save for the JW's) , maintaining my employment , transport , domicile , and fishing. Even the latter has gotten to the point where it pisses me off because of damn people. They get on my fu^#ing nerves , riding your ass in the slow lane , placing trivialities above logic , talking/typing in text , the list goes on. Now , I go out of my way to avoid them , I work nights , which I find relaxing , and head out of town late at night on weekends to fish and look at the starfield. I was thinking of obtaining a firearm , and still may , for safety reasons. I had alot of BS jobs up to this point , and this one is by far the best. I could give a rat's ass what anyone says , yeah , it's not Goldman Sachs , but I think that s#!t would just make things worse. Emotion is the archenemy of logic , I have a friend who can't control his for s#!t , and who will likely have an aneurism prior to reaching 40. I used to advise everyone , but have adopted a live/let live philosophy , save for certain relatives. Sometimes , I wish I were armed , especially when walking down the street in suburbia only to have some stupid ass teens throw ice on me. I'd have laid them out , or shot the fuel reserve. Alas , I can't , because of repercussions. Truthfully , I don't even get angry anymore , just indifferent , and waiting for an asteroid to excise this area of town from the city.
 
Old 07-10-2012, 09:40 AM
 
Location: N26.03 W80.11
326 posts, read 852,332 times
Reputation: 327
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyrano View Post
hi guys. It looks like there's at least two ways of not caring that are showing up here-- not caring about your own life, and not caring about the world, what people think, what they want you to do, how they think you're somehow deficient. I've got the virtual scars to prove I've lived the first one (for a long time I had a real scar, but that's another story). I've kind of moved to the second one, i think.

Here's an example. It's not caring that someone feels the need to tailgate me in the slow lane (I mean, the SLOW LANE...the first time it happened, I couldn't wrap my mind around it). I believe that tailgaters believe that there's some sort of magic force field that they can impose on you to make you go faster or pull over. Well, on a 4-lane highway where I'm already in the slow lane. What do they want...for me to pull into the ditch for them? (probably so) There was a time when I was Politeness Man and would do what I could to accommodate any other human being that needed accommodating. And, in this instance, the tailgater made me nervous, so I would do it to ease my own stress level. Now, I take a deep breath-- yeah, there's still stress, but I no longer have to react to it like Pavlov's dog-- and gradually drop my speed, mile her hour by mile per hour. Or, do nothing. Enjoy the music. Watch the cloud formations, or the contrails (this is flyover country, after all).

I also don't care that Mr. Insecure Boss is breathing fire again. Like any bully, he wants reactions from people who work for him, because he's fundamentally insecure. I'm not playing his game. If he fires me, he fires me. I've got some money saved. I spent so many years beating up on myself that I can do a far better job of beating me up than he ever could. He's not even good at it.

I wish peace for all of you. Or freedom. Or both.
I hate to hear this story coming out of my home state. I always enjoy going back for a visit to where people are polite and care about one another as opposed to where I live where most everyone is plastic, have absolutely no regard for anyone but themselves and have leased their impossible to achieve in real life lives.
 
Old 07-10-2012, 09:49 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,364 posts, read 4,725,774 times
Reputation: 6561
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post
well I can't stand interactions with people. they have everything figured out for themselves and everyone else apparently. so why bother with them. a holes!

most of these humans should fall off the ends of the earth as it's already headed that direction anyways.

the world needs more dogs and less people.
I kind of feel the same way. I just read a great book (for those of us who are introverts) called "Quiet - The Power of Introverts in a world that can't stop talking". The title alone had me. I can't be successful in my field of financial services because I'm not wired to sell and push product. In other words, I'm not a lying, cheating, annuity pushing (or some other terrible product) extrovert. Hence, permanent unemployment for me because nobody wants analysts who know what the f they're doing, only salespeople. So in my case, when the savings is gone, well, why continue to struggle and be homeless. No thanks. I'll just end it. Yep, I don'tt care anymore. I'll start the car in the garage with the door closed and go to sleep, permanently. No family anyway, so nobody will miss me.
 
Old 07-10-2012, 10:30 AM
 
Location: N26.03 W80.11
326 posts, read 852,332 times
Reputation: 327
Atlguy--As an introvert myself, I understand where you're coming from. I'm going to look up this book this afternoon.
I'm just wondering though, isn't there something between being a salesman and death?
 
Old 07-10-2012, 10:39 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,364 posts, read 4,725,774 times
Reputation: 6561
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2ForTheSea View Post
Atlguy--As an introvert myself, I understand where you're coming from. I'm going to look up this book this afternoon.
I'm just wondering though, isn't there something between being a salesman and death?
Thats a good, though sarcastic question. There's a lot more to it than career, although thats been 90% of my focus. Its more a case of overall hopelessness. When a person doesn't have hope, what else is there to do? So its a combination of depression, low self esteem (and yes, I've worked my a*s off to improve it), joblessness, divorce, no family, etc. I can't tell you how many divorced men I know who tell me if it weren't for their kids, they wouldn't be alive anymore. I certainly can understand that. And guess what? I have no kids and no prospects for having a family. I have an estranged, small family (mother and brother) who wouldn't miss me. Career prospects appear gone, barring a miracle. I've tried over and over and over again to change careers. Not happening without tens of thousands of dollars to go back to college and start over again. Don't have the means to do that, nor do I have an alternate career option I would be passionate about that wouldn't take 4 more years of college. And yes, I've done endless career counseling. I'm a researcher and I have researched all the options. I'm out of options.
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