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Old 07-03-2012, 09:03 AM
 
Location: North Texas
24,577 posts, read 34,233,458 times
Reputation: 28402

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I've dealt with depression on and off for many years. I used to want to get better...I yearned to live depression-free one day.

Then I got divorced, realized there weren't any decent men my age in Dallas (or if there were, it was such a Herculean effort to find them that I'd have to quit my job and hunt for a spouse full-time), realized I'd likely never have children, and found that the reason I wanted to get better is so I could have that.

Realizing now that I can't have it (why is another thread entirely and yes, I am somewhat bitter about it), I've stopped caring about most things. This has been going on for years and has steadily gotten worse. I don't care about my future health even though I work out and eat healthy. I do this to stay skinny, not because I want to be healthy. I'm actually not healthy at all. I'm weak, tired, and underweight. But I don't care. Long as I'm not fat.

People tell me to save for the future, for my retirement. Why? Instead of spending 40 years toiling in solitude at work, I'll spend 20 sitting on my widening ass watching daytime TV and NOT wondering how come the kids never call, because I don't have any. Retirement for me would be a nightmare; working is what keeps me sane. I figure once I get too old/sick to work, I'll take care of business after a nice relaxing vacation. "But but..." people sputter when they hear about my plan. Then they realize that I'd be so incredibly lonely as a retiree that it's probably for the best. It's not like anyone would miss me.

I used to be religious about recycling and about green issues, but my concern for the long-term future of Earth isn't what it used to be, mostly because I have no stake in that long-term future. It's not like people with kids give a damn about how what THEY do affects me, so why should I give a damn either?

Basically I just don't care. Stuff doesn't upset me like it used to because I've stopped caring. The only thing I've gotten upset about recently was a YouTube video of dog abuse in China.

Just how abnormal is this level of apathy? Are there others out there like me who are just too afraid to speak up?

 
Old 07-03-2012, 10:30 AM
 
1,245 posts, read 1,573,878 times
Reputation: 1352
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigDGeek View Post
I've dealt with depression on and off for many years. I used to want to get better...I yearned to live depression-free one day.

Then I got divorced, realized there weren't any decent men my age in Dallas (or if there were, it was such a Herculean effort to find them that I'd have to quit my job and hunt for a spouse full-time), realized I'd likely never have children, and found that the reason I wanted to get better is so I could have that.

Realizing now that I can't have it (why is another thread entirely and yes, I am somewhat bitter about it), I've stopped caring about most things. This has been going on for years and has steadily gotten worse. I don't care about my future health even though I work out and eat healthy. I do this to stay skinny, not because I want to be healthy. I'm actually not healthy at all. I'm weak, tired, and underweight. But I don't care. Long as I'm not fat.

People tell me to save for the future, for my retirement. Why? Instead of spending 40 years toiling in solitude at work, I'll spend 20 sitting on my widening ass watching daytime TV and NOT wondering how come the kids never call, because I don't have any. Retirement for me would be a nightmare; working is what keeps me sane. I figure once I get too old/sick to work, I'll take care of business after a nice relaxing vacation. "But but..." people sputter when they hear about my plan. Then they realize that I'd be so incredibly lonely as a retiree that it's probably for the best. It's not like anyone would miss me.

I used to be religious about recycling and about green issues, but my concern for the long-term future of Earth isn't what it used to be, mostly because I have no stake in that long-term future. It's not like people with kids give a damn about how what THEY do affects me, so why should I give a damn either?

Basically I just don't care. Stuff doesn't upset me like it used to because I've stopped caring. The only thing I've gotten upset about recently was a YouTube video of dog abuse in China.

Just how abnormal is this level of apathy? Are there others out there like me who are just too afraid to speak up?
I'm getting there quickly. I care a bit less each day. Life just seems to nurture some people along and others it leaves them out in the cold. After a few decades of that you become numb.
At least you have your work. I don't even have that as I'm unemployed[gasp!] and my prospects look dim to say the least. I can't see myself ever getting married or having my own home[double gasp!] and having a family of my own[pffft] not going to happen. For whatever reason I am not allowed to have the basic things of life that 99 percent of the population seems to have no problem achieving. It's not even a thought for most people. It all just flows along for them.
As hard as I try I alway end up back at square one. The doors get slammed in my face. I've tried the positive thinking, attitude change thing and it made zero difference. And most of the people I have met with sucessful careers and homes and families don't seem all that positive to me or like they have great attitudes so I'm a bit tired of people telling me to "think positive" and the rainbows and unicorns will magically appear!
So I guess my question is, why care? It doesn't seem to matter if I'm positive or negative, work hard or lazy, friendly or mean, everything just seems to stay the same or get worse.
 
Old 07-03-2012, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Noblesville, IN
3,761 posts, read 4,244,754 times
Reputation: 6350
Oh my gosh, I so agree with both of you. I am married so I'm a little different in that regard, but seriously, only in that regard. I've become numb to the future...since I didn't give my parents any grandkids, I'm practically useless. I keep getting the talk about how they want me to change, because "at 45, you're not getting any younger". I think, what do you want me to aspire to at this age? You NEVER taught me a single thing and now you think I should apply your so-called lessons and then my life will magically transform. Positive thinking, my (blankety-blank).

And my husband is unemployed b/c working hard until the layoff and experience means absolutely nothing if you don't have a specific career and are over 40. By other people's standards, we're not "cool" enough to hang out with - oh how I hate the superficial.

I have a hard time making friends because I have NOTHING in common with most of the people I meet. Dallas may sound like fun, from a visitor's point of view (or a trust fund baby) but from my point of view, it's a very difficult city to live in. I've never fit in...I'm sorry, BigD, that the men are difficult to find. I happened to find an "outsider" like me when I was young...I held on to him and that's a blessing...but sometimes I wonder how hard it would be for me now.

I do hope for a positive future for my life, but I'm worried it won't pan out. I'm discouraged with our country and our leaders; I'm discouraged with how rude everyone seems to be; and maybe this rant is especially discouraging b/c I don't have plans on the 4th b/c the few friends I thought I had only use me when they need something from me.

I think, after a full day off, I'll come back and try to be more positive but don't worry, I'm only doing it for myself - not all those people who had a much smoother time of it than me!!!
 
Old 07-03-2012, 01:54 PM
 
Location: North Texas
24,577 posts, read 34,233,458 times
Reputation: 28402
I feel both of you...I really do.

VX I agree that no matter what you or I do, things still suck. Doesn't matter, we have no control over it, and I bet you get sick of people blowing smoke up your backside saying "Oh just get out there, make friends, volunteer, blah blah blah". Uh yeah. You obviously have no idea.

ShellNic: People in DFW are shallow users.
 
Old 07-03-2012, 02:00 PM
 
Location: Noblesville, IN
3,761 posts, read 4,244,754 times
Reputation: 6350
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigDGeek View Post
I feel both of you...I really do.

VX I agree that no matter what you or I do, things still suck. Doesn't matter, we have no control over it, and I bet you get sick of people blowing smoke up your backside saying "Oh just get out there, make friends, volunteer, blah blah blah". Uh yeah. You obviously have no idea.

ShellNic: People in DFW are shallow users.
RIGHT???? I thought maybe I was just anti-social or something. Truthfully, I feel like I'm very friendly, but my problem is that I let my annoyance show on my face...and when I'm dealing with "shallow users", my look goes from friendly to real fast. People notice this and stay away, I suppose...I've been working on it but guess what? No real change...

I'm learning (and it's a work in progress) to not care so much what "others" say b/c they aren't living my life. But I sure wish it was a little easier -
 
Old 07-03-2012, 02:12 PM
 
1,245 posts, read 1,573,878 times
Reputation: 1352
Quote:
Oh my gosh, I so agree with both of you. I am married so I'm a little different in that regard, but seriously, only in that regard. I've become numb to the future...since I didn't give my parents any grandkids, I'm practically useless. I keep getting the talk about how they want me to change, because "at 45, you're not getting any younger". I think, what do you want me to aspire to at this age? You NEVER taught me a single thing and now you think I should apply your so-called lessons and then my life will magically transform. Positive thinking, my (blankety-blank).
Just today someone told me to "think positive and good things will happen." I told them, "you know what? I've met many successful people in my life and not a single one of them has been positive. Some have even been mean and cruel." What is this magical positive thinking that everyone keeps talking about and why do "bad" people still seem to get good things? BAH! It doesn't matter if I am positive or negative. It all stays the same or get's worse. My parents didn't teach me much about the world either but now they want me to go out and conquer it! Hey, I'm not some super hero. How about the world give me something for a change?

Quote:
And my husband is unemployed b/c working hard until the layoff and experience means absolutely nothing if you don't have a specific career and are over 40. By other people's standards, we're not "cool" enough to hang out with - oh how I hate the superficial.
Same boat. If you haven't done it by 40 this society now says it over. You turn into a pumpkin after 40 if you aren't the "right" kind of person.

Quote:
I have a hard time making friends because I have NOTHING in common with most of the people I meet. Dallas may sound like fun, from a visitor's point of view (or a trust fund baby) but from my point of view, it's a very difficult city to live in. I've never fit in...I'm sorry, BigD, that the men are difficult to find. I happened to find an "outsider" like me when I was young...I held on to him and that's a blessing...but sometimes I wonder how hard it would be for me now.

I do hope for a positive future for my life, but I'm worried it won't pan out. I'm discouraged with our country and our leaders; I'm discouraged with how rude everyone seems to be; and maybe this rant is especially discouraging b/c I don't have plans on the 4th b/c the few friends I thought I had only use me when they need something from me.
Tired of this culture. Tired of the rudeness, the games, and the walls people put up daily.
No plans for the 4th. No friends. They have all moved away and are doing well at their careers and families. Who wants to spend the 4th with some unemployed "loser"?

Quote:
I think, after a full day off, I'll come back and try to be more positive but don't worry, I'm only doing it for myself - not all those people who had a much smoother time of it than me!!!
I would try to be more positive but it doesn't seem to make any difference. The result is the same.
 
Old 07-03-2012, 02:23 PM
 
1,245 posts, read 1,573,878 times
Reputation: 1352
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigDGeek View Post
I feel both of you...I really do.

VX I agree that no matter what you or I do, things still suck. Doesn't matter, we have no control over it, and I bet you get sick of people blowing smoke up your backside saying "Oh just get out there, make friends, volunteer, blah blah blah". Uh yeah. You obviously have no idea.
Oh I get so tired of people's "advice." The salt in the wound is that most of the people giving advice are not positive people themselves, just lucky people who got theirs, and now they think they are experts at life. Really makes me angry. Maybe doing those things are easy for them because life throws them a bone occasionally but I live in a totally different reality.
Most of these people are miserable in a different way and they are very critical. I think they enjoy seeing someone suffer and then telling that person how wrong the are or that they should just have a better attitude.
 
Old 07-03-2012, 02:27 PM
 
Location: North Texas
24,577 posts, read 34,233,458 times
Reputation: 28402
Quote:
Originally Posted by VX5650 View Post
Oh I get so tired of people's "advice." The salt in the wound is that most of the people giving advice are not positive people themselves, just lucky people who got theirs, and now they think they are experts at life. Really makes me angry. Maybe doing those things are easy for them because life throws them a bone occasionally but I live in a totally different reality.
Most of these people are miserable in a different way and they are very critical. I think they enjoy seeing someone suffer and then telling that person how wrong the are or that they should just have a better attitude.
Mostly I think it's because they don't understand, don't care, or both. I think sometimes I was only put on this earth to be a cog in the machine, a sterile soldier ant or worker bee.
 
Old 07-03-2012, 02:51 PM
 
Location: Noblesville, IN
3,761 posts, read 4,244,754 times
Reputation: 6350
My folks obviously grew up in a different era. And as smart, I mean really smart, as they are, they are absolutely clueless about my life...and the MANY others who share a similar life. They simply can't fathom that things are that different than when they grew up, or that the economy is that much worse than the 70's, or that networking doesn't pay off...oh, I could rattle off many examples of where their thinking is and how it doesn't align with reality.

I guess what is so awful is that they compare me to their friends' kids and actually treat me worse b/c I don't measure up. They freaking live in a retirement community for rich, retired Californians (think near Palm Springs) and I'm pretty sure our circumstances are different. Hey, I'm happy for the people who got something grander out of their life.

And I'm not completely miserable myself...I mean, if they could stop reminding me, that would be ok...but I do have a lot of anxiety thinking about how crazy things are. People ARE rude. People ARE indifferent. People are so status conscious, that yes, being unemployed is worse than being in prison (or so it seems). My family actually thinks I'd be better off without my husband...they don't come right out and say it but his being unemployed really chaps their behind. As if my only need for him is the financial support he could bring...wow! JUST PLAIN WOW...

I guess people who've had things fall in line, with even a few bumps along the way, just can't grasp that not everyone's reality is the same, so they like to make generalized comments about positivity and all that nonsense. And when I am positive, just FYI, it's because I feel better...not b/c I think it will change any outcome.

I say, hang in there. Do exactly what you want on our holi-DAY. Perhaps we can think of new "positive" (hehe) comments to shoot back at all those folks who don't get what we're going through...
 
Old 07-03-2012, 05:40 PM
 
Location: West Coast USA
1,577 posts, read 1,912,338 times
Reputation: 3140
I am likely from a different era. I think most of us had hope. I had no hope until second grade, when my second grade teacher stopped the lesson one day in Eureka, California, and lectured us on the idea that some day, people would be equal. Although that has not happened yet, something she said instilled a hope in me that remains. It was during the school year, 1956 - 1957

Three of the spelling words were Man, man and men, along with woman and women. She got a far-away look in her eyes, and she told us that for now, Man was either the plural of man, or it intended all people. She said that the day would come in our lives when Man used this way would be dropped from our vocabularies, and we would say what we really meant: "people," "persons," or "women and men." While she did not use the word sexist, she said that sexist language would no longer be used. All genders of waitpersons would be waiters; all genders of actors would be actors, etc. No more gender-specific words.

Further, that day, she told us that we would be able to get the jobs we chose; jobs would no longer be gender-specific. Women would be able to choose to be stay-at-home moms, working moms, or not moms at all -- not even married unless women wanted to be. And while she did not bring up the obvious color-gaps of the time, because of my situation, my mind went to that within a short time after her lecture.

Well, her predictions have not come true, and, in fact, we have actually gone backwards on the parts about which she lectured us, I remain hopeful.

One hope that sticks always stirs up another.

Now, I have so many reasons to hope for so many great things, and I do. Many of them have come true beyond my imagination.

Still, I remember my disappointment on my high school graduation day, when I learned that some graduating with me could not do simple math. Later, I watched as succeeding generations have lost hope. I watch (specifically) many children who were abused allow parts of themselves -- of their personalities -- to just die, never to revive them again.

My children, when they entered the workforce, would come home and say, "People my age have no work ethic." That means they have lost hope, because if they had hope, they would produce work ethic in order to succeed, to gain.

Way too many people after them could not add or subtract money! They could not spell! They didn't have ordinary manners, did not have social skills.

My children's children are in school now, and I know, by personal experience and by the news, that they are almost hopeless, with no moral direction, no hope of life, no hope of success.

I have mentioned here and there that I am 63. This is a long way for humanity to fall in such a short period. But I really think that people have choices, and they can save themselves, if they stop looking around at others' failures and make their own success without thinking of those who persist in failing and lolling in it. It takes a little determination and one step at a time, followed by their own acknowledgement of their accomplishments.

One accomplishment will lead to another, until success becomes habitual.
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