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Old 07-05-2012, 02:14 PM
 
19 posts, read 32,454 times
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Well I knew from the start that he was Bipolar, and had depression problems he always used to tell me that, it wasn't a secret at all. but well at first it was really hard for me to deal with it, we would fight over anything "when he was having a bipolar attack" but then I learned how to deal with it, and not to take everything he would say to heart, and well it's being working out really good, but lately I had some problems and due to that I had to move to Texas for 3 months, leaving him in Colorado. he is being going from bad to worse, I call him, and talk to him ALL THE TIME but he still gets really depress cause Im not there, I don't know what to do. but whatever I am writing this to see how many people is dealing with someone like this? someone with depression problems!!
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Old 07-06-2012, 10:47 AM
 
1,265 posts, read 1,959,270 times
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Is he on medication? Does he have a therapist he feels works with him? The right meds will do wonders. It's terribly frustrating and sad to see someone you love suffering so. Are you planning on returning to CO?
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Old 07-06-2012, 01:36 PM
 
Location: Kansas
19,184 posts, read 15,749,603 times
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He should have a therapist and be discussing the issue of you being away. Maybe his meds need adjustment. That seems a terrible burden to be away. Maybe there is a control issue in his "need"?
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Old 07-06-2012, 08:01 PM
 
Location: FL
1,727 posts, read 2,243,803 times
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Maybe there are support groups for people who have bi-polar spouses or family members?
I suspect my brother is bi-polar, but I don't think he's been diagnosed. I have probably acted like I was bi-polar at times, but I don't think that I am (I bet most bi-polar people say that).

I do know there have been times in my life, where it must have been really difficult to be in a relationship with me. I can imagine it's difficult for you and I admire your commitment to your husband.

I hope you can find some support and some good suggestions. Good luck.
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Old 07-07-2012, 12:30 PM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,545 posts, read 18,219,558 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by looking4answers12 View Post
Maybe there are support groups for people who have bi-polar spouses or family members?
I suspect my brother is bi-polar, but I don't think he's been diagnosed. I have probably acted like I was bi-polar at times, but I don't think that I am (I bet most bi-polar people say that).

I do know there have been times in my life, where it must have been really difficult to be in a relationship with me. I can imagine it's difficult for you and I admire your commitment to your husband.

I hope you can find some support and some good suggestions. Good luck.
For anyone with family or self who is bp, I reccomend the DBSA Depressive and bipolar support association. It is vaguely based on 12 step but nothing formal, mostly a friendly place to go where people who understand are there to listen. I had some official therapy and too much meds and the thing which helped most were these folks. The rules are that meetings are private. Nobody reports to anyone. Unless someone is sucidal authorities never get involved. If someone really needs someone to call someone will volunteer (each chapter has phone phrends too). It's also social, with lunch after a meeting. If you don't have money to put in the kitty after the meeting, nobody will mind.

Its also a *great* place for family to go when the person won't. It helps a great deal to get help from those who have worked on it a bit at least who can suggest ways to possibly reasch the person. Some spouces and parents come regularly if the patient doesn't feel like it so other family can help.

These folks saved my life. If you are involved with county concerns, and you don't feel comfortable with something being on their record, even if its a curitosity, then you can ask there. There are people associated with chapters with the ability to get answers or already have them. The one bunch I miss after moving are my friends in the group.

http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/Page...rt_findsupport
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Old 07-07-2012, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Moderate conservative for Obama.
831 posts, read 578,467 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Monica Statler View Post
Well I knew from the start that he was Bipolar, and had depression problems he always used to tell me that, it wasn't a secret at all. but well at first it was really hard for me to deal with it, we would fight over anything "when he was having a bipolar attack" but then I learned how to deal with it, and not to take everything he would say to heart, and well it's being working out really good, but lately I had some problems and due to that I had to move to Texas for 3 months, leaving him in Colorado. he is being going from bad to worse, I call him, and talk to him ALL THE TIME but he still gets really depress cause Im not there, I don't know what to do. but whatever I am writing this to see how many people is dealing with someone like this? someone with depression problems!!

How do i say this?

I had someone very close to me who i would classify as bipolar, suffered greatly from depression, highs and happiness came far and few between but the deppression were many, i did all i could to try and help for as long as i could, almost throughout my entire childhood into my teenage and adult life until i had a family of my own, just to clariffy the path i went through.

I can imagine the thought of you being on the edge of your tethers for you to come here and share your thoughts, i am by no means an expert since i never studied it but have lived through it, but one thing i do know, whether you or your husband wants to admit it or not. It's times like these he needs you more than you or him care to admit. I know it's hard to envision. Like dorothy, you dont know how long you want to go into the rabbit hole.

We do know you must still care for your hubby to be here, i applaud you for hanging on, it aint easy.
Do the best you can, everything should be considered, like what people have suggested. (if you want to), so that when you reach your very limit there wont be any regrets on your part.

GL to you and all the best.
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Old 07-07-2012, 01:23 PM
 
2,996 posts, read 5,047,330 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Monica Statler View Post
Well I knew from the start that he was Bipolar, and had depression problems he always used to tell me that, it wasn't a secret at all. but well at first it was really hard for me to deal with it, we would fight over anything "when he was having a bipolar attack" but then I learned how to deal with it, and not to take everything he would say to heart, and well it's being working out really good, but lately I had some problems and due to that I had to move to Texas for 3 months, leaving him in Colorado. he is being going from bad to worse, I call him, and talk to him ALL THE TIME but he still gets really depress cause Im not there, I don't know what to do. but whatever I am writing this to see how many people is dealing with someone like this? someone with depression problems!!
Clinical Depression is a tough one both for the Victim and their loved ones. Approx. 40,000,000 americans at any one time, are clinically depressed so its a national problem and challenge. I havent read thru the entire thread here, but, i hope he is on prescribed meds for his illness and is undergoing professional counselling on how to handle it the best he can. Reducing levels, getting regular excersise , and praying are the things which has helped me in the past when ive had depression in addition to taking the right medication.

As to how YOU can deal with it being the Spouse...it isnt going to be easy but it will require alot of patience on your behalf, letting him know he is still important to you even though he has this, you must set some boundaries with him regarding possible abusive situations, etc..., and until he has regained self control to the point where his is once again livable with..i would stay seperated for your own wellbeing and safety. If you yourself needs some free counselling, then a local Pastor at a church who is trained in marital difficulties would be good along with a ladies support group thru a church or possibly thru the local library . I hope he is willing to seek help for his depression...and depending on how much he is willing to seek help would govern how long i would stay seperated versus terminating the marriage , but everything needs to be tried before resorting to this end.
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Old 07-08-2012, 09:24 AM
 
19 posts, read 32,454 times
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thank you everyone, I realy appreciate this, and well the sad thing is that he is not on med, because he thinks it doesn't help at all. well when I'm there with him he is all fine and perfect, he never gets depressed and if he does I help him you know by loving him and taking him out for a walk or something or just being there and cook something that I know he loves and that makes him feel better, but now that I'm in TX and he is in Colorado, and I haven't being with him for 3 months, but I WILL BE THERE WITH HIM NEXT WEEK, he is being getting really depressed lately and it's kind of hard for me to make him feel better through a phone or computer, and I would like to make him understand that his family loves him and I do too OBVIOUSLY but it just seems so hard for him to understand that when I'm so far away, I just wish there was a way to show him I still love him even if I can't be there with him and to tell him that he has to stay strong when I can't be there with him because when Im not there he gets so sad and depressed and it hurts me alot, it hurts seeing the person you love being like that
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Old 07-08-2012, 09:53 AM
 
1,265 posts, read 1,959,270 times
Reputation: 5987
Quote:
Originally Posted by Monica Statler View Post
thank you everyone, I realy appreciate this, and well the sad thing is that he is not on med, because he thinks it doesn't help at all. well when I'm there with him he is all fine and perfect, he never gets depressed and if he does I help him you know by loving him and taking him out for a walk or something or just being there and cook something that I know he loves and that makes him feel better, but now that I'm in TX and he is in Colorado, and I haven't being with him for 3 months, but I WILL BE THERE WITH HIM NEXT WEEK, he is being getting really depressed lately and it's kind of hard for me to make him feel better through a phone or computer, and I would like to make him understand that his family loves him and I do too OBVIOUSLY but it just seems so hard for him to understand that when I'm so far away, I just wish there was a way to show him I still love him even if I can't be there with him and to tell him that he has to stay strong when I can't be there with him because when Im not there he gets so sad and depressed and it hurts me alot, it hurts seeing the person you love being like that
I'm not sure he's bipolar, if a walk and a good meal makes that much of a difference. Has he actually been diagnosed by a psychiatrist at some point? There are a great variety of medicines available to mitigate his symptoms, but it does take time to find the right mix.

You've got a tremendous responsibility on your shoulders if he/you feels you're the only thing that can make him feel better. Something's not ringing right with that. And I speak as someone who has a close family member with bipolar. She finds people comforting, but it doesn't make her depression any better.
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Old 07-08-2012, 01:17 PM
 
19 posts, read 32,454 times
Reputation: 37
yeah he has been diagnosed by a psychiatrist and is suppose to be on med but he just feels that it just doesn't work, he says that as long as I'm there with him he doesn't need it and that I'm the only one that can calm him down and he feels like dying, you know what I meaa? he could be crying and wanting to die and I would come and hold him tight and take him for a walk and tell him how much I love him and he would be fine for another 3 weeks and then it would happen again and I would have to do everything all over again but he says that it helps him, and that he only needs me no one else not medicine but I don't know if that is just his bipolar disorder talking...
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