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Old 07-09-2012, 07:19 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
61,205 posts, read 58,477,069 times
Reputation: 73392

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
One day I considered it. I know how I would do it if it came down to that but knowing my son would find me, and knowing my parents would have to bury their child, kept it from being more than a thought. Since then I've had a change in attitude towards life. I know I'm going to die at some point and I don't worry about it, but I also don't need to rush it. Unless I'm in horrible phyical pain I doubt it I will ever entertain serious thoughts about it again.

An old coworker and friend of mine, who I hadn't seen in 10 years, took his life last week. He lost his job last year and was making a midlife career change, and his wife was divorcing him, but I have reason to think that he also battled depression most of his adult life. No kids and I suppose the wife found him but I don't know for sure. Apparently he was covering his tracks with people who were closest to him (telling them about an upcoming vacation he was going to take, etc.) while making plans to do this. He left notes and gifts and told people not to feel bad, it's what he wanted, he was just DONE. I'm not sure what to think.
I wrote out a suicide plan once about 3-1/2 years ago. It made me feel better to do so. The future looked completely dark--and often still does--and I was overwhelmed with debt--and I still am. My daughter was about to graduate from high school, and my life insurance would have covered all of her college and living expenses and then some. She is the only thing I have done well in my entire life, I was going to be done raising her, and the dark nothingness of my remaining years being alone and doing nothing but working, working, working, simply to pay off debt stretched ahead. It seemed unbearable. I honestly did not think she would be that upset--of course, I thought she might mourn my death, but she has everything going for her and I figured she'd move on quite nicely.

My suicide plan included leaving a note with all the information my daughter would need to file for my life insurance. I had nothing else, really. I planned to slit my wrists and lie down on the beach and bleed out before dawn so I could die to the sound of the waves. I did get concerned with who might find me--but at that hour, it would likely be a fisherman, who wouldn't be too traumatized at the sight of blood.

Anyway, I cleverly called the Word document Suicide Plan and stored it in my desktop, which my daughter never used...until her printer broke and she needed my desktop and the damn thing showed up in Recent Documents and she read it. I ended up having to sit with her in her therapist's office (she had some OCD issues and so saw a cognitive behavioral therapist in high school) apologizing left and right for thinking about what I was thinking about. I must admit, I was a little shocked at the depth of her horror at my plan, and that sort of made me get up and keep slogging on.

So now here I am three years later, alone, working, working, working to pay off debt, which is exactly what the rest of my life is likely to be. But for now I will continue to live. I don't want to hurt my daughter.

I am sure, therefore, that there are people who plan their suicides well and get their paperwork in order before they go. Perhaps those who do not are so unable to organize their thoughts that such a task would be impossible for them to do.
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Old 07-09-2012, 08:17 PM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,495 posts, read 24,259,052 times
Reputation: 8847
OP sorry for your loss.

I agree with dragonborn re: why some posters have to chime in with nasty comments.

Another reason why I seriously doubt anyone will ever post heartfelt issues here.
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Old 07-14-2012, 08:18 AM
 
833 posts, read 1,517,269 times
Reputation: 765
---" rationally considering suicide "--

sounds like an oxymoron
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Old 07-14-2012, 10:04 AM
 
Location: Purgatory
2,663 posts, read 4,684,046 times
Reputation: 3054
Quote:
Originally Posted by redwolf fan View Post
---" rationally considering suicide "--

sounds like an oxymoron
Actually it's not.
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