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Old 07-09-2012, 11:29 PM
 
Location: West Coast USA
1,577 posts, read 1,913,049 times
Reputation: 3140

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Was in a grocery store today, and there was a male person there, about 6'1", about 240, not fat but built. It was with a woman about 5'6", 125 pounds at the most, pretty, and eyes wide like a frightened deer's. They were likely in their late 20s.

He was whisper-yelling at her (do you know what I intend by that?) telling her that she was a ___ idiot, to ___ get the ___ item she mentioned, and to ____ quit acting like a ___ ___. This idiot-talk went on and on as I stood there in shock, and she just cringed and did what he told her.

I was shaken.

When it was time to check out, they were already at one of the checkstands, and he was up there charming the checker, the bagger, and everyone around him, even two checkstands down. They were all laughing and having a good time. He was charming them all.

And the woman was silent.

I tried to find a time, a way to say somethiing that would not get her beaten up when they left, but the only chance I saw was when he momentarily turned his back. i touched her shoulder. She jumped, turned, and looked. All I could get out was a whispered "G-d bless you." He turned back again, and I pretended to have done nothing. So did she, after a quick, weak smile.

And they left together, with him posturing all the way down to the car, and her still just trying to be invisible.

I have been praying for her since.

A beautiful young lady, and she seemed to be such a sweet person. Why?

Something I see a lot in this town, too, is "couples": men walking ahead of women, walking as though she means nothing, and she! The women are running behind them, trying to stay behind them. Often, the men are spitting out stacatto words, and she is just running to follow, saying little.

Tonight, I feel just sick over this and the fact that I did nothing.

Yes, I know: she is an adult. She has made her choice. But sometimes, it is not that simple.

So I pray.

But I have had time to think this through. Next time, I will try to do something. I don't know what, but something. Something that won't get her hurt more.
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Old 07-10-2012, 12:32 AM
 
Location: Sol System
1,494 posts, read 2,943,495 times
Reputation: 1026
Unfortunately , not many ladies will heed this sage advice. Alot of them are too wrapped up in false promises of 'turning over new leaves' , or for offsprings'sake. Some don't even care anymore , or are old fashioned with 1950's mentalities. I , too dislike seeing ladies in this situation , but this will not end , unless molecular engineering is adopted to eliminate the violent tendencies in humans.
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Old 07-10-2012, 12:41 AM
 
Location: bloomington,illinois
192 posts, read 384,597 times
Reputation: 246
Chumps like that NEED to be throat-punched!
...sad.

t.
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Old 07-10-2012, 01:24 AM
 
Location: Location: Location
6,510 posts, read 8,181,842 times
Reputation: 19397
I blame it on what I call the Noah's Ark Syndrome. The idea that everyone must have a partner so they can board the ark. I'm sorry that women put themselves in that position but until and unless they begin to take charge of their own destinies, this mistreatment will continue.

The undermining of the ego and the loss of self-confidence that ensues ruins any chance the woman has for a happy, productive life. I speak from personal experience and it took me many, many years to recover from it. Recovery is possible, and it means taking a big leap into the unknown. But it's amazing how, once you take the leap, you learn to fly.
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Old 07-10-2012, 09:03 AM
 
1,245 posts, read 1,574,296 times
Reputation: 1352
It's not just women! I left my wife earlier this year because she started treating me like that. Totally critical all the time. If we drove to a store, when we would arrive she would jump out of the car a run ahead of me. She turned into quite the monster-ette! There was no physical abuse from her but when someone is critical 24/7 it wears you down and you don't even know who you are anymore.
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Old 07-10-2012, 09:07 AM
 
10,452 posts, read 10,957,961 times
Reputation: 12543
Honestly I think that you saying something would have probably caused him to take it out on her later when they got home.
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Old 07-10-2012, 11:19 AM
 
Location: West Coast USA
1,577 posts, read 1,913,049 times
Reputation: 3140
Quote:
Originally Posted by VX5650 View Post
It's not just women! I left my wife earlier this year because she started treating me like that. Totally critical all the time. If we drove to a store, when we would arrive she would jump out of the car a run ahead of me. She turned into quite the monster-ette! There was no physical abuse from her but when someone is critical 24/7 it wears you down and you don't even know who you are anymore.
My father was emotionally, verbally, and spiritually abused by Mother. I know what you are writing. If she had hit him, it would have been laguable. But that emotional, verbal, and spiritual stuff is worse, in my opinion, because it sneaks up on the victim, and it is very difficult to define.

The very unfortunate part of phyysical abuse is that is usually includes emotional, verbal, and spiritual abuse.

VX5650, G-d bless you! I am glad you are free from her. I hope you are fully free, anyway....
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Old 07-10-2012, 11:22 AM
 
Location: West Coast USA
1,577 posts, read 1,913,049 times
Reputation: 3140
Quote:
Originally Posted by nimchimpsky View Post
Honestly I think that you saying something would have probably caused him to take it out on her later when they got home.
He didn't know. He didn't see. I was very careful.

I was very upset about this and mentioned it to my husband. He suggested that I make small cards to give to such persons, giving them the phone number for help and some encouraging word.

I once had such a card I carried for children and had one occasion to give it to a child -- very stealthily.

Since I plan to try to vcisit this store at the same time next Monday, perhaps. Perhaps....
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Old 07-10-2012, 12:29 PM
 
Location: Eugenius
593 posts, read 1,269,980 times
Reputation: 580
It's hard to make it in life alone. It's easier and cheaper to rent an apartment with another person, especially if you have kids. And sometimes women are "fixers" who think they can be the one to change that guy from a brute into a nice person. And really it's just hard to go at life alone. I'm alone, utterly alone and I'm that way because I don't put up with BS, I can't deal with it. So I will become the cat lady. But many other women don't want to be the crazy mumu wearing cat lady, so they will put up with a hitter or an abuser.
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Old 07-10-2012, 12:48 PM
 
Location: West Coast USA
1,577 posts, read 1,913,049 times
Reputation: 3140
But there are so many choices....
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