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Old 07-24-2012, 06:14 PM
 
77 posts, read 162,527 times
Reputation: 74

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I've talking to my psychologist and it seems I have some very strong sexual issues. It seems I've lived all my life as if I were a nun. Repressing all kind of sexual thoughts and physicall contact because my subconscious thinks it's something dirty and not good.

I don't know how many people has this problem but, it seems it's the root to all my anxiety and feelings of guilt. It seems I wanted to live my life being some kind of an asexual person but since I didn't do it, the feelings of guilt came up.

It all makes sense, it explains very good the way I feel. I'm almost 25 years old and I try to avoid all kind of physical contact and when I have it, I don't like it. I've never enjoyed even a kiss.

Now there's a lot of things that I have to think of, but, I just feel confussed, I don't know how I'm going to being to think differently. And when I try, my body doesn't respond. I keep finding it unpleasent. I feel overwhelmed around couples or when someone is trying to show he's interested in me.

I react automatically, I don't think what I have to do when I avoid those things, I just do it with no thinking. As if my first priority was stay away of all those 'dirty' things in the world. A part of me wants to be like normal and another part has just taken all of this repressing things as if it was my real personality; so I don't know what to do.

I'm working on this but I really don't think that I can't think differently like a normal person. So, if someone has gone through smoething similar or has a good advice I will appreciate it.
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Old 07-24-2012, 09:31 PM
 
4,762 posts, read 11,671,942 times
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Well most married people I know frequently argue and eventually break-up. Then have all sorts of financial and child care issues. (They call these people "lovers"! )

So if you don't manage to do the dating/marriage thing, perhaps you will be saving yourself a lot of trouble?

On the other hand a good relationship with another person *can* be a wonderful thing.

I think it would be worth trying. Also there are all sorts of different people in this world. There are other people who do not like touching as well.

Anyway you have lots of options - Nun, no-touch relationship with someone, regular touching relationship.

Also being honest with people is a good thing. Just say you don't like to be touched! Talk about it with other people. (I say a true friend is someone who knows all about you and still likes you!)

If you would like to have a "talking only" relationship with someone???? Perhaps you could place an ad in a personals section, say you prefer to not be touched and looking for someone similar. Would that work?
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Old 07-24-2012, 09:54 PM
 
77 posts, read 162,527 times
Reputation: 74
Quote:
So if you don't manage to do the dating/marriage thing, perhaps you will be saving yourself a lot of trouble?
Yes, maybe. The problem is that on the one hand I do want to have a normal relationship with someone. And by normal I mean not to freak out everytime the other person get close. I feel they are invading my persona space. Let's say I do want a man get close to me but when he does I freak out.

Quote:
On the other hand a good relationship with another person *can* be a wonderful thing.

I think it would be worth trying. Also there are all sorts of different people in this world. There are other people who do not like touching as well.

Anyway you have lots of options - Nun, no-touch relationship with someone, regular touching relationship.

Also being honest with people is a good thing. Just say you don't like to be touched! Talk about it with other people. (I say a true friend is someone who knows all about you and still likes you!)
Yes, nothing better than being honest, just I hope people understand me because I dont' want to feel stupid or a weird.

Quote:
If you would like to have a "talking only" relationship with someone???? Perhaps you could place an ad in a personals section, say you prefer to not be touched and looking for someone similar. Would that work?
[/quote]
Yes, maybe, then I would like to find someone like that.
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Old 07-25-2012, 08:44 AM
 
4,762 posts, read 11,671,942 times
Reputation: 7878
Quote:
Originally Posted by CreepyMuse View Post
...Yes, nothing better than being honest, just I hope people understand me because I dont' want to feel stupid or a weird...
So far as being "weird", EVERYBODY is weird in some way. Some people try to hide things they think others will not approve of. Then they are not being themselves - they are acting like someone else. Not good!

But there is nothing better in this world than being honest with another person about your "weirdness" (whatever that may be for a particular person), then that person accepts you for who you are. It is really cool to be able to open up to another person and from then on not have to put up any false fronts.

Many men do want to touch and have a physical relationship. But I do know one guy who was abused as a child and does not like to be touched. And he can go years without any physical relationship with a woman. His girlfriends have left him due to this.

But he does like living with a woman. Talking and doing things together.

Anyway if I know one guy like that, I assume there must be many more out there! And as they say, "There is someone for everyone!"

craigslist.org has free personals for every major city in the U.S. And in their personals section they have a "strictly platonic" area. You might want to check that out.

I would just advise you to be upfront and honest with anyone you meet. And if you post your own personals ad, be sure to say you don't like to be touched. And also say what you do want and do like to do.

Note with craigslist, there are computer "bots" which reply to ads. These are just trying to collect people's email addresses. To weed these out, ask anyone replying to your ad to use a certain word or phrase in the subject line. Like "No Touching". (Different from your posts real subject line.) Then reply to only those emails. Those emails will be from real humans.

And best to meet people in a public place like a restaurant.

Another possibility is that my "no touching" friend above is diagnosed with PTSD. I don't know if you could more easily find people like my friend by attending PTSD groups? And I don't know if that would be a good idea or not? Might want to discuss what I have said with your psychologist. Maybe he/she would have some ideas?

And that is a good step toward being honest with people including your psychologist and friends. Discuss with them the advice other people have given you and see what they think!
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Old 07-26-2012, 01:33 AM
 
77 posts, read 162,527 times
Reputation: 74
Quote:
But there is nothing better in this world than being honest with another person about your "weirdness" (whatever that may be for a particular person), then that person accepts you for who you are. It is really cool to be able to open up to another person and from then on not have to put up any false fronts.
Yes, that's true...
Quote:
Many men do want to touch and have a physical relationship. But I do know one guy who was abused as a child and does not like to be touched. And he can go years without any physical relationship with a woman. His girlfriends have left him due to this.
Sorry to hear that. In my case I'm kind of knowing all of this and it's pretty confussing. I'm on standby. It's like to many things and words and thoughts. On the one hand I can't believe that this is causing me such strong feelings because it's something 'simple'. I never had any traumatic event in my childhood, this is something that I made up in my head and I decided (unconsciously) to live with it, to make it my lifestyle. Now I don't know why I fear what I fear. I do want to live as any other person but I stop myself. It's as if I were two people, and it's very frustrating because the one who wants to live alone because the rest of the world, especially men, are dangerous is winning. It's a freaking mental battle.

Quote:
craigslist.org has free personals for every major city in the U.S. And in their personals section they have a "strictly platonic" area. You might want to check that out.
I just checked the site, I don't unsderstand it well , too but I will keep vissiting it. Thank you!!


Quote:
Note with craigslist, there are computer "bots" which reply to ads. These are just trying to collect people's email addresses. To weed these out, ask anyone replying to your ad to use a certain word or phrase in the subject line. Like "No Touching". (Different from your posts real subject line.) Then reply to only those emails. Those emails will be from real humans.
OK, I will take that into account, thank you for the advice.


Quote:
Another possibility is that my "no touching" friend above is diagnosed with PTSD. I don't know if you could more easily find people like my friend by attending PTSD groups? And I don't know if that would be a good idea or not? Might want to discuss what I have said with your psychologist. Maybe he/she would have some ideas?
Yes, this is a good topic for mty therpist because as far as I know, I had a good normal childhood but I will talk to him about it. Ithink there must be something strong for what I started to make all of this cobweb in my head.

Quote:
And that is a good step toward being honest with people including your psychologist and friends. Discuss with them the advice other people have given you and see what they think!
Sure, I will. Thank you so much!
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