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Old 08-06-2012, 02:13 AM
 
77 posts, read 162,786 times
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I'm in therapy talking about the biggest fear I have (the sexuality thing) and I don't know if it's because I'm in the process that I don't want to talk to this older friend (he's 42 and I'm 24).

To give a little information about this relationship: I met him one and a half year ago, he's a very respectful and funny person, divorced, he said he loved me I said no, we kept being friends.

And suddenly... I find creepy his displays of affection, I find ridiculous the times he says he loves me, I find stressful and repulsive when he wants to tell me something (about him loving me or something) and he gets an anxiety attack and he can't explain himself.

Right now I'm thinking about him like a creepy disgusting old man. He was sending me a lot of msgs and I didn't respond and when I finally did it, I asked if he was upset and he said: "No, I'm not upset, I only respect your silence". Like who on earth responds like that?! He could have said: No, I'm not but you didn't reply any msg! Or something like that, something more credible and normal. I felt I was reading some kind of old play. It makes me sick when I remember the way he looked at me when I said goodbye, like he almost cried, that time I felt sorry for him and I was a little sad to, (NOT because I was going to miss him or smothing, but for seeing him that... vulnerable?)

I don't want to talk to him anymore but I don't know if it's because in therapy I'm finding that I can use my time with someone who I actually like (like a man not like a friend) or maybe I realized that I'm wasting my time with him?

I don't know. I haven't seen him in one month, I'm at my parents on vacation and it was on this vacation when I started therapy so maybe it could be related to that.

About the creepy thing of an old man, I don't think that way about people his age, I'm just feeling this with him.

I feel he's suffocating, like how can I spend almost all day with him? Like what the hell am I thinking?

I don't know if this is because I'm far from him (it has never happened, this is not the first time I'm far from him) and I don't know if everything will be the same, like we are going to keep being close friends as always or I don't know if I will end up not liking him.

I really don't have the right to talk like this about him because he has been really nice to me, but this is how I feel right now. I'm even upset like what am I doing wasting my life with him. (Really sometimes we spend the whole day together). Maybe it could be my comfort zone, I'm afraid of being in a relationship and being with him I know I'm safe because since I don't want him like a man and there are other things that would make it impossible, I accepted to be his friend, I know there's nothing going to happen and at the same time I have no time to meet other guys.

I don't know if it's because of that but, well, that's how I feel.

Last edited by CreepyMuse; 08-06-2012 at 02:18 AM.. Reason: correct information
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Old 08-06-2012, 07:12 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,986 posts, read 17,897,835 times
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Hun I say listen to your inner voice and if it feels creepy, it probably is. The trouble with old men who are totally attracted to women as young as yourself is that they lose interest as you start to age--not always, but often enough. And then if you look younger than your age, it's even creepier b/c it could mean that he likes extra young women and just doesn't want to get into trouble. But again, don't listen to me--listen to you and don't complicate therapy with dating men who creep you out--that's like taking your money and flushing it down the toilet.

Oh yeah, and I forgot to say that from the things you've posted here, I rather imagine that you have a virginal air about you that probably totally turns him on. Run. Fast. Oh yeah, and btw, pervs usually are really nice to their victims.
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Old 08-06-2012, 09:59 PM
 
77 posts, read 162,786 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
Hun I say listen to your inner voice and if it feels creepy, it probably is. The trouble with old men who are totally attracted to women as young as yourself is that they lose interest as you start to age--not always, but often enough. And then if you look younger than your age, it's even creepier b/c it could mean that he likes extra young women and just doesn't want to get into trouble. But again, don't listen to me--listen to you and don't complicate therapy with dating men who creep you out--that's like taking your money and flushing it down the toilet.

Oh yeah, and I forgot to say that from the things you've posted here, I rather imagine that you have a virginal air about you that probably totally turns him on. Run. Fast. Oh yeah, and btw, pervs usually are really nice to their victims.
Hello Stepka, my mind tells me just don't reply his msgs again. And yes, he knows that I've never had a boyfriend and those things but he has been respectful always. Anyway, I just feel he's creepy now.
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Old 08-07-2012, 11:08 AM
 
4,761 posts, read 11,694,379 times
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So far as picking your friends and listening to advice from other people. I always say listen to your feelings...

How do you feel after talking to that other person?

Does the other person make you feel good or bad?

Do you feel good about what the other person said after thinking about it?

That is what I go by. There are some people who I talk to and then feel "down" after talking to them. I don't care to be around those people.

Or with other people, I feel good after talking to them. I look forward to seeing them again and spending more time with them! I like to see them.

Or people may give me advice. It may not be something I particularly want to hear, but might be the best thing for me. But I feel "good" after talking to them. It is for the best.
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Old 08-07-2012, 03:51 PM
 
77 posts, read 162,786 times
Reputation: 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy_J View Post
So far as picking your friends and listening to advice from other people. I always say listen to your feelings...

How do you feel after talking to that other person?

Does the other person make you feel good or bad?

Do you feel good about what the other person said after thinking about it?

That is what I go by. There are some people who I talk to and then feel "down" after talking to them. I don't care to be around those people.

Or with other people, I feel good after talking to them. I look forward to seeing them again and spending more time with them! I like to see them.

Or people may give me advice. It may not be something I particularly want to hear, but might be the best thing for me. But I feel "good" after talking to them. It is for the best.
I think that I've done wrong things, I think I shouldn't talk to him that much. I think, I mean, he has feelings for me and I don't want him to keep thinking that I like him like a man , so . I think it's better just not to keep talking to him that much:s... I hadn't realized what I was doing, it was wrong.
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Old 08-09-2012, 03:52 PM
 
Location: East Coast
2,913 posts, read 4,733,512 times
Reputation: 4344
Quote:
Originally Posted by CreepyMuse View Post
I'm in therapy talking about the biggest fear I have (the sexuality thing) and I don't know if it's because I'm in the process that I don't want to talk to this older friend (he's 42 and I'm 24).
I don't think you should be asking us...I think you should be talking to your therapist about this.
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Old 08-10-2012, 06:14 AM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,986 posts, read 17,897,835 times
Reputation: 14292
Quote:
Originally Posted by CreepyMuse View Post
I think that I've done wrong things, I think I shouldn't talk to him that much. I think, I mean, he has feelings for me and I don't want him to keep thinking that I like him like a man , so . I think it's better just not to keep talking to him that much:s... I hadn't realized what I was doing, it was wrong.
Hun, it's not so much that those things are wrong as much as that they're probably with the wrong man and so it feels wrong. Also, I think the reason he is respectful is b/c he knows that you will run very fast if he's not and he knows that this will take some time. I actually had an older man confide in me about just such a thing once so I have a bit of insight about it. This man was even older and the girl was younger. I think 47 and 19? Yikes. But you're also correct in not leading him on--don't even let him have any hope. I mean really, creepy, your inner voice seems to be pretty wise--listen to you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LibraGirl123 View Post
I don't think you should be asking us...I think you should be talking to your therapist about this.
I do totally agree but maybe the appt isn't for a couple of more weeks.
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