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Old 09-04-2012, 05:36 AM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,966 posts, read 17,876,533 times
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Oh my, I just went and visited that link that I offered up here last night and got caught up in the story of a young man who was badly abused by his JW father and he talked about all the sick family dynamics he had to suffer through. It made for some very sad but fascinating reading. It's here if anyone is interested:Jehovah's Witness Recovery Discussion Forum - JWR • View topic - Dealing with the fallout of Bad Parenting and Indoctrination I warn you though, it's not easy to stop reading. He did make it clear that it wasn't the religion that made his father act that way but the JW philosophy made it easy for him to do so and the church members all turned a blind eye to what was going on and he even got beaten by a church elder once for running away from home! Yikes, I wish the OP the best.
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Old 09-04-2012, 05:49 AM
 
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Meet people from the Kingdom Hall. Don't cut yourself off completely. I know it seems like you are alone, but trust me, you're not the only one "faking it". Think about it this way: if you go because you have to and not cause you want to, I'm sure there are other people in your same situation. I know I was--I was deaf and blind at the time and they were the only people in my rural town that knew how to communicate with me via tactile sign language. I'm also gay and identify with a non-binary gender so putting on a dress and acting like I like guys was about the last thing I wanted to do, but it's what I had to do to learn sign language and have anyone that was willing to talk to me at all for the 2 years I was deaf. I was also in a severely domestically abusive situation (the deafness was caused by the abuse) and they were an excuse to get out of the house. I definitely wasn't there because I believed in the teachings, thought it was all baloney at the time, and still do. But I did meet a lot of very nice people who were good in every sense, one I put aside the fact they believe Armageddon is just around the corner.

I studied with the JW's for about two years and after the initial Bible studies (a few months) to prove that I'm into Jehovah and all that, first they started inviting me to lunch after the Saturday meetings. Then that turned into lots of fun and interesting events, like going to movies, going to a Renaissance fair. We did a lot of going to other people's houses and making food and playing games and music. Even though it wasn't drinking and going clubbing, it really was fun and as someone who is in college now in the "real world" who gets invited to drink and go clubbing, I have to admit the times I had with them were funner cause we could relax around each other without the annoying thumping music and alcohol.

The more devoted you can come across, like inviting people to Bible studies before KH meetings or on non-meeting days, the faster people will feel open to do things with you outside the KH. Another great idea is to join a congregation in another language, saying you want to learn the language to spread the good news to those people. For examples, chances are there is a French, Spanish, and ASL congregation at your same KH. If not, that's even better cause you have the perfect excuse to go to a KH other than the one your parents go to.

Hope that helps you make the most of your current situation.
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Old 09-04-2012, 06:02 AM
 
10,452 posts, read 10,961,712 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
Oh my, I just went and visited that link that I offered up here last night and got caught up in the story of a young man who was badly abused by his JW father and he talked about all the sick family dynamics he had to suffer through. It made for some very sad but fascinating reading. It's here if anyone is interested:Jehovah's Witness Recovery Discussion Forum - JWR • View topic - Dealing with the fallout of Bad Parenting and Indoctrination I warn you though, it's not easy to stop reading. He did make it clear that it wasn't the religion that made his father act that way but the JW philosophy made it easy for him to do so and the church members all turned a blind eye to what was going on and he even got beaten by a church elder once for running away from home! Yikes, I wish the OP the best.
This really makes me sad to hear because the JW's are the ones that got me out of a severely domestic abusive situation. Abuse happens in religious and secular communities alike (I know you already said that but I'm just emphasizing it). JWs can be abusers and they can be the person who gets you away from the abuse. It's not about theology, it's about people.
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Old 09-04-2012, 04:36 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,966 posts, read 17,876,533 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nimchimpsky View Post
This really makes me sad to hear because the JW's are the ones that got me out of a severely domestic abusive situation. Abuse happens in religious and secular communities alike (I know you already said that but I'm just emphasizing it). JWs can be abusers and they can be the person who gets you away from the abuse. It's not about theology, it's about people.
And that's a very good point. I may not believe as the believers do but I respect their sincere belief and I do think most of them mean well. Unfortunately, that sincere belief can sometimes become abuse b/c they do think they're doing what's best for you and don't want their family members left behind when armageddon comes. I guess that what I think they think is that a little (or a lot) of bodily abuse isn't nearly as bad as burning in hell for an eternity so I'll just leave this off with my favorite saying and maybe I even made it up: "There will be a lot of surprises come judgment day!"
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Old 09-04-2012, 04:39 PM
 
2,728 posts, read 4,535,624 times
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Originally Posted by TyTy9 View Post
Ive been living with my parents all my life and I was raised as a jw (jehovahs witness) so I couldnt do anything as a child and in my teens plus me being the youngest I pretty much done whatever I was told too and not really think for myself, and use to my parents telling what to do and I follow them!

I'm 21 years old, I work at a grocery store and going to school to get my Associates degree! So most likely I wont move out of the house until Im 23! : ( I would REALLY REALLY want to move out but I dont want to move out because Im saving money so I can move out of the state and not return back to the house! If I move out right now I would have to move back here into the house because I wont have enough money to support myself!

The thing is, as long as I live with my parents I have to go to church, if not I have to move out, sucks buts that just how they are!


What should I do?
You either go to church with them, or you move out.

Remember: THEIR house, THEIR rules.

When you are in YOUR house, you can abide by YOUR rules.
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Old 09-04-2012, 05:54 PM
 
Location: Kansas
19,184 posts, read 15,752,261 times
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Could you possibly either work part-time or volunteer? That would give you an additional outlet. Or, you could join the military like I did! I saw a lot of young women, some girls at 17, do well by getting away and starting a new life that way and I was one of them. Trust me, if the worst you ever have to survive is living with your parents, you'll be able to consider yourself very lucky. Two years is a very short time. I say though, get busy and the time will fly!
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Old 09-04-2012, 09:21 PM
 
10,452 posts, read 10,961,712 times
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Originally Posted by AnywhereElse View Post
Could you possibly either work part-time or volunteer? That would give you an additional outlet. Or, you could join the military like I did! I saw a lot of young women, some girls at 17, do well by getting away and starting a new life that way and I was one of them. Trust me, if the worst you ever have to survive is living with your parents, you'll be able to consider yourself very lucky. Two years is a very short time. I say though, get busy and the time will fly!
Jehovah's Witnesses = extremely anti-military. It's all about being a soldier for Jehovah (God), not for any man-made countries. How can you be a soldier for two countries? You can't. Therefore you can't fight for America [or insert other country] and Jehovah at the same time. Who's more important, Jehovah who has reigned for all eternity, or the ephemeral human-made empires that are bound to rise and fall? Obviously Jehovah's eternal Kingdom is more important. That's the JW rationale, which makes them not only anti-military, but also against voting and any sort of political affiliation. That's also means you'll never have to worry about seeing a JW Presidential Candidate on the ballot.

That said, the volunteering suggestion is a good one IMO, and the JW's definitely look favorably on volunteer work, so long as it's in alignment with the Bible as interpreted by the Governing Body.
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Old 09-04-2012, 09:24 PM
 
10,452 posts, read 10,961,712 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
And that's a very good point. I may not believe as the believers do but I respect their sincere belief and I do think most of them mean well. Unfortunately, that sincere belief can sometimes become abuse b/c they do think they're doing what's best for you and don't want their family members left behind when armageddon comes. I guess that what I think they think is that a little (or a lot) of bodily abuse isn't nearly as bad as burning in hell for an eternity so I'll just leave this off with my favorite saying and maybe I even made it up: "There will be a lot of surprises come judgment day!"
This is absolutely true in my experience. Straight out of the mouths (or I guess hands cause we were communicating in sign language) of the JW's I studied with: "Adultery is the only reason a married couple can divorce." I asked if any exceptions would be made for severe domestic violence or spousal rape, and their answer was "Nope, the Bible says adultery is the only reason." Talk about enduring abuse in the name of Jehovah.
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Old 09-05-2012, 05:41 AM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,966 posts, read 17,876,533 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nimchimpsky View Post
Jehovah's Witnesses = extremely anti-military. It's all about being a soldier for Jehovah (God), not for any man-made countries. How can you be a soldier for two countries? You can't. Therefore you can't fight for America [or insert other country] and Jehovah at the same time. Who's more important, Jehovah who has reigned for all eternity, or the ephemeral human-made empires that are bound to rise and fall? Obviously Jehovah's eternal Kingdom is more important. That's the JW rationale, which makes them not only anti-military, but also against voting and any sort of political affiliation. That's also means you'll never have to worry about seeing a JW Presidential Candidate on the ballot.

That said, the volunteering suggestion is a good one IMO, and the JW's definitely look favorably on volunteer work, so long as it's in alignment with the Bible as interpreted by the Governing Body.
How do you feel about that though when you no longer want to be a JW?

Oh, and to Anywhereelse: 2 years may be a short time to most but what if there is abuse in the household? 2 years could be an eternity to some people. And I'm 53 but 2 years would be a long time for me to put up with an unhappy situation. The good thing is that the time can be used to plan and dream.
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Old 09-05-2012, 07:29 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
50,336 posts, read 39,903,893 times
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When you live in someone else's house, you follow their rules (as long as those rules are legal). When you make your own home, you will set your own rules.

It's convenient to you to live with your parents, but it's a trade off. Consider their rules "the price of doing business with them."

My advice would be to find a roommate and move out if you can't tolerate your parents. It will probably be a big relief to them as well.

It is generous of them to let an adult child continue to live with them. Don't forget that fact. Maybe you should temper your frustration with gratitude. Their generosity is allowing you to significantly cut your living expenses. That's not an entitlement - it's a gift from them to you.
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