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Old 09-05-2012, 08:19 AM
 
Location: Seymour TN
1,945 posts, read 5,825,878 times
Reputation: 1289

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I wouldn't assume generosity as every parent's motivation. I'm NOT saying the OP shouldn't be grateful for EVERYTHING his/her parents have done and continue to do, but people who force an adult to do something(s) they don't want to do are not "generous" in my book. I also know it can be extremely hard for parents to let go and let their child be different. But everything is done out of love or fear. Everything the OP's parents are doing is out of fear. Like most religious zealots they are afraid of the outside world and spiritual freedom.

So TyTy, you cannot go to a different church? Your parents wouldn't be OK with that - as long as you are attending somewhere? Do they have any good reasons to worry about your future? Have they seen you go "off-track" before and negative things happened? The best post I've seen here is nimchimp's first one....please think about that deeply and I think you will get some ideas on how to feel better.
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Old 09-05-2012, 11:01 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,344 posts, read 21,763,360 times
Reputation: 27162
My sister had the same issue. Different religion, but same issue. (I didn't have that issue because I moved out when I turned 18.) She wanted to live in my parents' house but doesn't believe in their faith. I told her it would cost her at least a thousand bucks to live on her own every month. So one hour of church, four times a month, that works out to $250/hour. Most of us spend a lot of time being just as bored for a lot less. I know the JW's go to church a lot longer than my family did and it would work out to more than an hour a week, but the same principal applies. Just think of it as your part-time job, the one that pays for your room and board.
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Old 09-05-2012, 03:33 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
50,337 posts, read 39,903,893 times
Reputation: 71400
Quote:
Originally Posted by NJDevil View Post
I wouldn't assume generosity as every parent's motivation. I'm NOT saying the OP shouldn't be grateful for EVERYTHING his/her parents have done and continue to do, but people who force an adult to do something(s) they don't want to do are not "generous" in my book. I also know it can be extremely hard for parents to let go and let their child be different. But everything is done out of love or fear. Everything the OP's parents are doing is out of fear. Like most religious zealots they are afraid of the outside world and spiritual freedom.
You have no way of knowing this - and it's a harsh judgment.

Like I said, if the ADULT living in the house that she doesn't own doesn't like the standards that the ADULT homeowners have in place, she can go get her own place and make her own rules.

Sure, it would be nice if her parents were more flexible - but they're not, so there you have it. She may not like it, but frankly, she's not in the power seat. They're not being breaking any laws and they own the home. It's their call.

My adult children don't like that I don't allow them to bring significant others to my house and sleep in the same bed with them. So - they can go to a hotel, or they can sleep in separate rooms. It really doesn't matter to me, because they are adults and can make up their own mind about it. I'm not responsible for their moral values, but I am responsible for what goes on in my house.
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Old 09-05-2012, 07:46 PM
 
285 posts, read 1,059,759 times
Reputation: 188
At this point Im just going to be fighting fire with fire if they start to say something "smart" about me and what I believe in or anything of that nature Im going to fight back (verbally) ten fold! Hit them below the belt of their past and personalities! For example my dad is just the elder mostly because he likes to be in control of everything and he is VERY noisy its disgusting! Now he wants to be a secretary, why would you want to climb up to the top to gain control! You have people (men) who arent elders or minsterial servants and love "jehovah" without all that stuff and do whatever they are told to do! And they are happy!

My dad is only doing it to boost his ego, thats what it all is my dad is turning 50 this year hes been an elder since his 20s!

I know one thing if I had children (God forbid) I would never tell them what religion they need to be in, I think its wrong and evil to go against to tell them what to say and how to think! For me thats why to this day I LOATHE the word "encourage" thats just a nice way of manipulation to get through to a person of what you want them to do! Ive heard it numerous of times! Mind you I was raised as one from birth! I know what Im talking about! But anyways I would want the children to explore their own spirituality that way at least they have some type of faith!

Rather being like me going up and down in and out I didnt believe in God then I started to be agnostic again and now I believe in God but not religion!

Plus sad but true I really believe my parents they say things that they will do but never do it! At times they let me down! So I really dont trust them at all to be honest!
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Old 09-05-2012, 08:06 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,344 posts, read 21,763,360 times
Reputation: 27162
Quote:
Originally Posted by TyTy9 View Post
At this point Im just going to be fighting fire with fire if they start to say something "smart" about me and what I believe in or anything of that nature Im going to fight back (verbally) ten fold! Hit them below the belt of their past and personalities! For example my dad is just the elder mostly because he likes to be in control of everything and he is VERY noisy its disgusting! Now he wants to be a secretary, why would you want to climb up to the top to gain control! You have people (men) who arent elders or minsterial servants and love "jehovah" without all that stuff and do whatever they are told to do! And they are happy!

My dad is only doing it to boost his ego, thats what it all is my dad is turning 50 this year hes been an elder since his 20s!

I know one thing if I had children (God forbid) I would never tell them what religion they need to be in, I think its wrong and evil to go against to tell them what to say and how to think! For me thats why to this day I LOATHE the word "encourage" thats just a nice way of manipulation to get through to a person of what you want them to do! Ive heard it numerous of times! Mind you I was raised as one from birth! I know what Im talking about! But anyways I would want the children to explore their own spirituality that way at least they have some type of faith!

Rather being like me going up and down in and out I didnt believe in God then I started to be agnostic again and now I believe in God but not religion!

Plus sad but true I really believe my parents they say things that they will do but never do it! At times they let me down! So I really dont trust them at all to be honest!
You should really just move out. Find a roommate if you have to, but move out. It's so much more peaceful and it forces your parents (after a few years anyhow) to treat you like an adult. I was dirt poor the first year I didn't live in my parents' house, and that was before craigslist so I barely had any furniture...but the peace and quiet was wonderful. I lived on rice and beans and took the bus to work, didn't have cable, but I didn't miss it.
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Old 09-05-2012, 08:41 PM
 
2,728 posts, read 4,535,624 times
Reputation: 1785
Quote:
Originally Posted by NJDevil View Post
I wouldn't assume generosity as every parent's motivation. I'm NOT saying the OP shouldn't be grateful for EVERYTHING his/her parents have done and continue to do, but people who force an adult to do something(s) they don't want to do are not "generous" in my book. I also know it can be extremely hard for parents to let go and let their child be different. But everything is done out of love or fear. Everything the OP's parents are doing is out of fear. Like most religious zealots they are afraid of the outside world and spiritual freedom.
The irony of anti-religious judgmental people...
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Old 09-05-2012, 08:42 PM
 
2,728 posts, read 4,535,624 times
Reputation: 1785
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
You should really just move out. Find a roommate if you have to, but move out. It's so much more peaceful and it forces your parents (after a few years anyhow) to treat you like an adult. I was dirt poor the first year I didn't live in my parents' house, and that was before craigslist so I barely had any furniture...but the peace and quiet was wonderful. I lived on rice and beans and took the bus to work, didn't have cable, but I didn't miss it.
I agree. If, at his age, he is that conflicted about living in his parents' home, with their rules, he needs to move out. Period.

Frankly, spending time being poor is GOOD for young people.
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Old 09-06-2012, 05:05 PM
 
76 posts, read 122,611 times
Reputation: 39
Hang in there! This must be a hard situation, but you can survive. If I were you, I'd stay and follow the rules, knowing that it is only temporary. I would take extra classes, maybe 20 credits a semester and stay focused on school, until you can move out. Perhaps you can join some clubs at the college or do some volunteer work. Maybe start a group for young people who are also from JW families. Use that roof over your head to your advantage. All your life people will be telling you what to do, if not your parents, it will be your boss or your clients. Even if you have your own business, your clients will tell you what to do. It is good practice. Keep your head up and try to plan some fun things to do. Maybe even some activities you can enjoy with your family or extended family. Two years is a brief time period. you can do it! Good luck
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Old 09-11-2012, 11:25 PM
 
16,482 posts, read 21,700,180 times
Reputation: 16201
Telling your dad off is just a sign of immaturity. It is their home you are living in and because of that you must go by their rules. Move out, get a roomate, whatever.
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Old 04-27-2014, 06:48 AM
 
1,280 posts, read 1,615,118 times
Reputation: 3874
I would focus all of my energy on finishing a degree that would earn me enough to live independently. I'm not sure what your associate's degree is in. If it's something that will earn you a livable salary, continue on this path. Take extra courses every semester and during the summer. Devote your time to studying. When you're not studying, join some meet-up groups for things like exercising and playing board games, or whatever. Focus your energy on getting out of the house and having the means to support yourself on your own. Arguing with your parents is counterproductive and will only get more attention on you. That's not what you want. You want to get out.
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