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Old 12-04-2012, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Florida
746 posts, read 1,439,320 times
Reputation: 1179

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Ah yes, me too. I know well the feeling of being alone in a crowd. Strangely, I also seem to be invisible to them, even when the crowd is people that I know.

I've always thought that it might be because my early years till age 7, were spent in the "boonies", 2 miles from a very small town. I had no friends other than family, mom, dad, grandma & grandpa (who lived across the street), the dog, the cat, the horses, the cows, the birds, the hills, the trees, and grandma's flower garden.

Presently I live on a wooded acre, but am ageing and may not be able to stay here forever. I get very depressed at the thought of having to live in town near family.

Currently both kids are with me, but I feel so much better when they have both left for work.
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Old 12-10-2012, 08:48 PM
 
Location: between here and there
1,030 posts, read 2,822,266 times
Reputation: 936
This "want to be alone" syndrome lives in me too and I adore being home alone, phone silent and doing anything and nothing as long as I want......

Raised four kids and their lives revolved around schedules and time frames and deadlines........

ughhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

So now, I just want my peace and quiet and aloneness....

Drives the hubbie crazy!

But a walk down a country path embracing nature beats a gathering full of chitchat and small talk any day.

Yet I feel so odd .....
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Old 02-25-2013, 06:36 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 10,335,157 times
Reputation: 19477
I too, love my alone time. My job entails being around people, and I too, raised 4 children. My very soul needs time alone, sometimes. It's not because I dislike people, it's just that things can be so busy and chaotic. The older I get, the more I cherish the time I get to spend by myself. My daughter and I do "re-supply" trips once or twice per month. That entails going to "the city". The stress and chaos is absolutely overwhelming, to the point of causing us both anxiety. I know that some people thrive in that atmosphere, but we are NOT those people.

Most of my children, myself, and my husband are small town, country-type people. We hate being surrounded by people and chaos. We are much happier in very small groups of people and are absolutely miserable when we have to go to places where there are crowds. We are the type of people who NEED our alone time.
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Old 04-09-2013, 06:39 AM
 
7,493 posts, read 10,131,326 times
Reputation: 7394
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trewq View Post
I live in a large city and have always struggled with needing to be outdoors in some capacity, but away from other pelple. This has got much more severe with age and I have become more antisocial and withdrawn than ever before.

Not only do I fear people, but they also irritate me. I would love to be able to go to a park or area of wilderness and just be truly alone. I find that socializing wears me out, in the same way that being at work wears me out. I am generally miserable and feel alone and inadequate when among others, but I am fine in my own world and alone. The feelings range from mild to moderate anxiety to feeling suffocated at times.

Does anyone else feel the same way? I am thinking about relocating somewhere that I can be far away from others. Just not sure how to make that work yet.
I can't stand other people either. It doesn't help that my job is dealing with people, either coworkers or customers on a constant basis who have the manners of a pig. When I go home I don't want to socialize, and hanging out with other people makes me feel worse, not better. It infuriates me that people don't understand that, insist I'm wrong, don't respect my boundaries at all, and that society keeps shoving down my throat that my only way to happiness is with other people. Don't get me wrong, I'd like people to connect with, but it hasn't happened yet. Most people in my life, acquaintances, family and coworkers are the kind of people I would not seek out in real life.
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Old 05-01-2013, 09:04 PM
'M'
 
Location: Glendale Country Club
1,818 posts, read 2,687,861 times
Reputation: 2548
I can relate to every single one of you in some way. Recently I discovered that I very likely am a high functioning Aspie...or someone with Asperger's Syndrome. Aspies need a lot of alone time. Don't do well in group interactions. And, they also do like to occasionally socialize with people they trust. Lately I've been feeling the effects of being alone so much...experience a deep longing to connect with someone...either a friend or a partner. I'm 65...and noticed this seems to be getting much worse as I age. My job required tons of interactions with other people...and it wears me down. Sometimes I want to run away...literally. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin. What a dichotomy...to need to much 'space' and yet feel a strong need to connect in a meaningful way.
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Old 05-02-2013, 03:40 PM
 
2,014 posts, read 2,844,358 times
Reputation: 3647
I can identify with all of you. And I sympathize with all of you.

I used to think I was somewhat of a freak until I read Lionel Fisher's Celebrating Time Alone. I've kept it by my bedside for two years now. When I start to feel lonely in my solitude and silence, I read the book again. Even one chapter does me a world of good. (It could have been better written -- but it's still good -- and let's face it -- there aren't a lot of books about how great solitude and silence are.

I live in a relatively small city. I have a nearby park. And when I want to 'get away' [outside of my quiet apartment] for a while, I can be out of town in 10-15 minutes. I think I have the best situation.

None of you are crazy. The world has become insane. I'm not so sure it wasn't always insane. I think that spending a lot of time in solitude is very healthy.

And, yes, I'm 65 and I would love to really connect with another person. But I am accepting that it doesn't seem likely anymore.
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Old 05-02-2013, 07:52 PM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,545 posts, read 18,207,281 times
Reputation: 16829
I moved to this town since while it calls itself a city, by socal standards its a neighborhood. People here will leave you alone. The worse was the apartment where you couldn't shut out the noise. And when I didn't come into the office once a week someone came to 'check'. I'd go and throw away all the junk mail (all I ever got except for something I ordered) and escaped.

My relative lives here and always has a house full of neightors. I don't know how she can stand it. I have the critters and my hobbies and if it will ever warm up and quit being January in May I can do some gardening. I am not lonely at all.

What I do want is an occasional visit to society in the form of some life folk music or fannish stuff like a convention or maybe even sca. That's fun to me. Most 'conventional' stuff is blah. I do wish I lived out of town but then didn't think past finding my house and falling in love. Its still a works in progress, of course. But that's part of the fun.

I'm like mom too. She wasn't real 'social' except for her friends. Soon to be 61 and I am happy with furry kids as companions who never compain about things which aren't important.
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Old 01-10-2018, 02:05 PM
 
292 posts, read 361,123 times
Reputation: 461
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trewq View Post
I live in a large city and have always struggled with needing to be outdoors in some capacity, but away from other pelple. This has got much more severe with age and I have become more antisocial and withdrawn than ever before.

Not only do I fear people, but they also irritate me. I would love to be able to go to a park or area of wilderness and just be truly alone. I find that socializing wears me out, in the same way that being at work wears me out. I am generally miserable and feel alone and inadequate when among others, but I am fine in my own world and alone. The feelings range from mild to moderate anxiety to feeling suffocated at times.

Does anyone else feel the same way? I am thinking about relocating somewhere that I can be far away from others. Just not sure how to make that work yet.
Most definitely, and yes, as I get older, the more I just want to be left alone and not have to deal with
people and their laundry list* of crap. I am not ready to be a hermit, but I find that I need more and more time alone as time goes on, and the more BS
I see.


Laundry list (short version)
* Judgmental eyes, and talking about you behind your back
* fakeness
* ulterior motives
* using you for their own gain, and worse, discarding you after they've 'used you up'
* being a busybody, and worse trying to be a "do-gooder" and making things much worse for you
* abusive/controlling behavior including trying to "train", "teach", "make you a better person", and other such rot because they don't like themselves, and they need to take it out on someone else.

- don't get me started on the creepy and downright dangerous behavior I personally had to deal with from others, some of it which nearly got *me* killed.
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Old 01-10-2018, 02:36 PM
 
406 posts, read 148,426 times
Reputation: 242
The need to to get away from others should indeed be only temporary. As we can never find true peace by avoiding the world.

Besides, when we turn our back to walk away from the world, we are at our most vulnerable. So many bad, albeit avoidable, situations occur when our backs are exposed to others around us. In very real terms, we have a target on our backs from then on in. We can never ignore the primal need of human beings to capitalize on an other's perceived weakness or injury for their own gain.
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Old 01-10-2018, 02:48 PM
 
Location: planet earth
6,391 posts, read 2,574,259 times
Reputation: 14241
Introverts need time alone to recharge.

Highly Sensitive People (HSP's) need to take extra care.

Many people are irritating.

In the study of Law of Attraction, you might want to be alone to purify/raise your vibration. There is nothing "wrong" with that.

Most people are extraverts and those people might shame you into thinking there is something wrong with you, when there is not.
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