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Old 09-02-2012, 12:59 PM
 
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I live in a large city and have always struggled with needing to be outdoors in some capacity, but away from other pelple. This has got much more severe with age and I have become more antisocial and withdrawn than ever before.

Not only do I fear people, but they also irritate me. I would love to be able to go to a park or area of wilderness and just be truly alone. I find that socializing wears me out, in the same way that being at work wears me out. I am generally miserable and feel alone and inadequate when among others, but I am fine in my own world and alone. The feelings range from mild to moderate anxiety to feeling suffocated at times.

Does anyone else feel the same way? I am thinking about relocating somewhere that I can be far away from others. Just not sure how to make that work yet.
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Old 09-02-2012, 03:09 PM
 
Location: SC Foothills
8,831 posts, read 10,238,278 times
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I was just thinking a little while ago how I could never live in a big city because of my phobias of other people and needing my alone time. I don't know how you do it if you're like you say you are. I do enjoy my time alone, but right now I've been so alone for so long that it's become unbearable. You are definitely not the only one like this, but I don't know what the answer is for you. Moving to an unfamiliar place can be terrifying if there isn't at least someone around like a friend or family member to associate with once in a while.

I'm fortunate to live kind of out in the country in a neighborhood where I rarely see my neighbors and no one bothers anyone else. Ideally, I would like to be even more out in the country where my dog could run around and have privacy on my porch or outside, I don't have that here. But it's way better than living in apartments or a subdivision where the houses are too close. I don't care what other people are doing, but it's been my experience over the years that other people do and they are very nosy and all in your business if you open the door even just a little bit.

So, I just deal with days like today where I cry and feel unloved and unwanted because I know I can't stand the alternative, which is having to deal with people on an everyday basis. There just doesn't seem to be a happy medium so I deal with the loneliness by having pets, tv and the internet. I have 2 people I can talk to on the phone if need be, and a wonderful Mother who lives about 15 min. away so I do have options when I can't stand the loneliness. But today I didn't want to bring anyone else down too so I'm just dealing with it. You don't want to be alone but yet you don't want to leave the house, ya know?

If you're ok being alone all the time then a move to the country might be just what you need. But I would hold out for at least 2 acres, and research your neighbors too. Country folk can be really strange and backward, so beware. Right now I'm watching "Hoarders" to feel normal lol and typing this so it's all good. I would just start researching places to live on the internet, which aren't too terribly isolated but offer the room you're looking for. I live in the upstate of SC and it's actually not bad. There are lots of rednecks, but you're going to get that anywhere you go in the South. But they tend to be like me and stay in their neck of the woods mostly so while out and about you won't run into too many of them, except at maybe Wal-Mart. LOL

I'm only about 45 minutes away from the Blue Ridge Parkway, and Asheville, NC, which used to be on the top 10 list of places to live, don't know if it still is. This is what I know so that's why I'm talking about it but I know there are tons of other places to live that offer as much or more. Maybe just some long (or short) vacations to places that you are interested in would be a good way to start and go from there. Good luck, and just know that you are not alone....well....as far as being like you are.
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Old 09-02-2012, 04:21 PM
 
20 posts, read 45,853 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ilene Wright View Post
I was just thinking a little while ago how I could never live in a big city because of my phobias of other people and needing my alone time. I don't know how you do it if you're like you say you are. I do enjoy my time alone, but right now I've been so alone for so long that it's become unbearable. You are definitely not the only one like this, but I don't know what the answer is for you. Moving to an unfamiliar place can be terrifying if there isn't at least someone around like a friend or family member to associate with once in a while.

I'm fortunate to live kind of out in the country in a neighborhood where I rarely see my neighbors and no one bothers anyone else. Ideally, I would like to be even more out in the country where my dog could run around and have privacy on my porch or outside, I don't have that here. But it's way better than living in apartments or a subdivision where the houses are too close. I don't care what other people are doing, but it's been my experience over the years that other people do and they are very nosy and all in your business if you open the door even just a little bit.

So, I just deal with days like today where I cry and feel unloved and unwanted because I know I can't stand the alternative, which is having to deal with people on an everyday basis. There just doesn't seem to be a happy medium so I deal with the loneliness by having pets, tv and the internet. I have 2 people I can talk to on the phone if need be, and a wonderful Mother who lives about 15 min. away so I do have options when I can't stand the loneliness. But today I didn't want to bring anyone else down too so I'm just dealing with it. You don't want to be alone but yet you don't want to leave the house, ya know?

If you're ok being alone all the time then a move to the country might be just what you need. But I would hold out for at least 2 acres, and research your neighbors too. Country folk can be really strange and backward, so beware. Right now I'm watching "Hoarders" to feel normal lol and typing this so it's all good. I would just start researching places to live on the internet, which aren't too terribly isolated but offer the room you're looking for. I live in the upstate of SC and it's actually not bad. There are lots of rednecks, but you're going to get that anywhere you go in the South. But they tend to be like me and stay in their neck of the woods mostly so while out and about you won't run into too many of them, except at maybe Wal-Mart. LOL

I'm only about 45 minutes away from the Blue Ridge Parkway, and Asheville, NC, which used to be on the top 10 list of places to live, don't know if it still is. This is what I know so that's why I'm talking about it but I know there are tons of other places to live that offer as much or more. Maybe just some long (or short) vacations to places that you are interested in would be a good way to start and go from there. Good luck, and just know that you are not alone....well....as far as being like you are.
Hello kindred spirit.

I could probably live where you are, despite the rednecks and country people. As long as they left me alone and weren't literally everywhere, it wouldn't be an issue. Since I don't fit in anywhere, fitting in would not be an issue.

I have mulled over the same issues as you. I do think it's worse to be alone among people who aren't alone, if that makes sense? I feel insanely lonely and ostracized in the city. I'm also starting to really feel suffocated by never being able to get away from people, noise, traffic, buildings and concrete and the lack of nature.

I would rather be in your shoes. At least you have mother nature. When all else has failed, nature will always be there no matter how much mankind tries to destroy it. All the plants and animals will most likely be here long after we've annihilated ourselves.
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Old 09-03-2012, 01:46 AM
 
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There have been times where I've genuinely taken comfort by reminding myself that I have as much right to be here as rocks and trees.
I fear for people and communities with that "nature deficit."
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Old 09-03-2012, 08:58 AM
 
Location: SC Foothills
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trewq View Post
Hello kindred spirit.

I could probably live where you are, despite the rednecks and country people. As long as they left me alone and weren't literally everywhere, it wouldn't be an issue. Since I don't fit in anywhere, fitting in would not be an issue.

I have mulled over the same issues as you. I do think it's worse to be alone among people who aren't alone, if that makes sense? I feel insanely lonely and ostracized in the city. I'm also starting to really feel suffocated by never being able to get away from people, noise, traffic, buildings and concrete and the lack of nature.

I would rather be in your shoes. At least you have mother nature. When all else has failed, nature will always be there no matter how much mankind tries to destroy it. All the plants and animals will most likely be here long after we've annihilated ourselves.
Yeah being among millions of people and still being alone must be torture, plus all the noise and lack of nature. At least when you're in nature you feel a part of something, not like everything and everyone is passing you by at the speed of light. Things move much slower in the country, and life is the way it was meant to be....quiet and manageable.

Do you have any family where you live? I'm just wondering what would be holding you back from making a move to a place where you would be happier, besides the job thing. I mean, it's really none of my business and you don't have to say if you don't want to but I can tell you for a fact that I would have moved back to the coast of NC (where I was born) or to FL where my only friend lives a long time ago if it wasn't for my Mother. I stay here solely because of her, even though my brother lives literally through the woods across from me. I haven't spoken to him in 7 years so that wouldn't keep me here either.

I will probably have to stay here for 20 more years or so, because my Mother is only 72 and in good health. I will be her sole caretaker, my brother won't do a thing so I'm it. And there is a chance that my friend from FL will move here again eventually, so I hold onto the hope of that happening in the future. If she does move here again, I won't be going anywhere. Just having someone to hang with once in a while, see a movie or go to dinner with would be enough to curb the extreme loneliness and keep me here. At least I know that where I'm at right now no one bothers me, I'm not sure what I would be getting myself into by moving to NC or FL. Probably family drama in NC, and too many old, nosy people in FL!!

So, once again I wish you the best, I still think that visiting/vacationing at different locations to start with would be your best bet. If family or someone else is holding you back, take them with you!!
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Old 12-01-2012, 04:03 PM
 
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thats me 100%. tho i like my alone time here in NY City (tho i live up at the city border so things are fairly peaceful and serene up here)
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Old 12-02-2012, 11:12 AM
 
Location: Inception
962 posts, read 2,315,268 times
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I'm a loner that lives in a large city. I enjoy many activities within my own company: sightseeing, dining, outdoor activities, etc... That said, I have seen the looks and heard the comments of how depressing that sounds. Over time, I actually became depressed by those comments and it simultaneously got embedded in my conscious. Sucks for me because I lived a life that felt comfortable and I gave others the power of making me feel uncomfortable.

I say this to say, I think is possible to be a loner and reside in a large city. Sure, I go through anguishes of how "they" all get on my nerves but it goes away as quickly as I absorb an amusing moment: people sharing nature's space in a respectable way.

To the OP I wonder if your feelings are more driven by things that might have occurred in the past that still have a hold on you. It's hold seems to be controlling how you live today. Rethink this and see if you can find away to control the balance in your life. Certainly, there is nothing wrong be a loner in the countryside but one can certainly survive as a loner most anywhere. It's the self confidence, balance, and flexibility that makes it work! Not everyday is perfect, but I get by.
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Old 12-02-2012, 04:33 PM
 
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I am a loner as well
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Old 12-03-2012, 02:39 PM
 
Location: FL
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I feel that to some degree. Not as much as you. I wish I had some advice for you.
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Old 12-04-2012, 02:03 AM
 
156 posts, read 282,197 times
Reputation: 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trewq View Post
I live in a large city and have always struggled with needing to be outdoors in some capacity, but away from other pelple. This has got much more severe with age and I have become more antisocial and withdrawn than ever before.

Not only do I fear people, but they also irritate me. I would love to be able to go to a park or area of wilderness and just be truly alone. I find that socializing wears me out, in the same way that being at work wears me out. I am generally miserable and feel alone and inadequate when among others, but I am fine in my own world and alone. The feelings range from mild to moderate anxiety to feeling suffocated at times.

Does anyone else feel the same way? I am thinking about relocating somewhere that I can be far away from others. Just not sure how to make that work yet.
I could have written this except that I don't live in a large city. I live in a medium sized town that in the summer is turning into my own little hell on earth but in the other months I get along quite well. I live near a hiking area on the lake and going there is my salvation. There are people from time to time on the trails but I can always find a quiet place to be alone when the mood strikes me.

I have thought about living in the country again (I grew up a few miles out of a small town) but there are just too many drawbacks. There are plenty of parks, trails, and back country outside of town where I can go to get away if need be.

My advice is do something about your situation right now. Life is too short to be wasted feeling the way you do. Go for it!
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