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What total nonsense. I guess the OP doesn't understand that alcoholism is a disease (insert collective exclamation of "Duh!") So if someone is a diabetic, they are are "the most selfish person in the world?"
Why not learn some something about diseases before posting such nonsense?
We would all thank you.
What B.S.
Alcohol is a "disease" for insurance purposes.
Do you know a swarm of diabetics who are dangerous, irresponsible, destructive, belligerent family-destroyers?
Getting drunk then hung over on a steady basis is the most selfish behavior you can have. There are persons I know who's main concern is their own pleasure and retracting themselves from other people so they do not have to give them anything...they are cheap with their love- cheap with their money...cheap in every respect...The drink because they do not want to give of themselves. It is utter selfishness...everything is supposed to flow to them- mean while they send nothing back.
Respect is the giving of power..a transfer of power from one person to the next- mutual respect is the flow of power back and forth...drunks are energy vampires....Not talking about the occasional bingers..but those that expect a constant flow of attention ....others do not exist when they drink.
Sad posts. Alcoholism effects everyone. My ex is married to one and she has completely changed him. Yes my assumption is he is beyond weak in Personality and inner strength but it doesn't stop the fact that my "grown" children ache for their "lost" father. So give the op a bit of a break. How can she or her children reason with the unreasonable. A drunk is just that - a drunk. Call it what you will - its an emotionally self medicating nightmare.
Do you know a swarm of diabetics who are dangerous, irresponsible, destructive, belligerent family-destroyers?
Lifestyle-induced diabetes is often the result of irresponsible, dangerous, and destructive eating habits. I have several members of my family who suffer from diabetes and they are all obese and completely disregarded the impact of the kind of food and drink they consumed - even though their doctors have been telling them for YEARS that their eating habits are deadly. And it hurts me personally because I hate to see them suffering. I know not every diabetic fits this definition - especially Type 1 diabetics but also many Type 2 diabetics as well. But even for those who do, do I think they are necessarily selfish? No. I feel the same way about alcoholics..you cannot just lump all alcoholics into the "selfish" category. Are there selfish diabetics? Yes. Are there selfish alcoholics? Yes. But the opposite is true in both those cases as well.
It's a certain personality. They behave as selfish, entitled and exempt from the social norms we all live by. AND they expect family and friends to cater to them, believe them and allow them to do and take what they want. It is total destruction of self, soul and interpersonal relationships.
Those who have posted to bash me...spouting about compassion...
why do I get no compassion? I am a victim of this woman, have been for years, and as her alcoholism increases so does her nastiness.
as far as "being her friend", I asked her years ago not to call when drunk.
Simple enough you would think...
The basic fact is she is NEVER sober (she drinks in her sleep, literally), LIES about it, and I ended up having to change my phone number to get away from her.
Years and years of listening to her drunken ramblings...now focused on ME because I had the life she was supposed to have (marriage, kids) and in her opinion, I do not deserve it.
You are right, not all alcoholics are selfish...or at least, INTENTIONALLY so. This individual has been selfish all her life and now has no one left to whine to except my ex husband and a freakin tv reporter.
She goes "the public has to know what happens"....why? Why do we NEED TO KNOW she drinks 5 bottles of wine a day?
Attention, pure and simple. She has literally NO ONE left to perform for...except the "public" via a tv show.
The comments on the tv site...all sympathetic, all offering help and prayers. All supporting her.
Yes I am angry, and bitter, and aghast that some posters seem to think I am cruel. I am not cruel, it hurts me to see her this way...as I said she had everything going for her, once upon a time.
I'm not cruel, but I am DONE.
Btw if you think this needs to be on the relationship thread, tell the mods, not me.
I am sorry you have had such negative experiences with this person and that she is in your life because of your children.
It's almost as if you need an exorcism . . .a ritual, maybe to let go of any association with her . . .
If she is drinking that much, she will not be around long . . .I think they say in AA something about jail, sickness or death being choices if you go down that road (don't know exact quote or if that's even close, but the point is that it is obviously not a healthy lifestyle and won't result in anything good . . .I would pray for yourself that you can be free of her once and for all, regardless of circumstances).
Those who have posted to bash me...spouting about compassion...
why do I get no compassion? I am a victim of this woman, have been for years, and as her alcoholism increases so does her nastiness.
as far as "being her friend", I asked her years ago not to call when drunk.
Simple enough you would think...
The basic fact is she is NEVER sober (she drinks in her sleep, literally), LIES about it, and I ended up having to change my phone number to get away from her.
Years and years of listening to her drunken ramblings...now focused on ME because I had the life she was supposed to have (marriage, kids) and in her opinion, I do not deserve it.
You are right, not all alcoholics are selfish...or at least, INTENTIONALLY so. This individual has been selfish all her life and now has no one left to whine to except my ex husband and a freakin tv reporter.
She goes "the public has to know what happens"....why? Why do we NEED TO KNOW she drinks 5 bottles of wine a day?
Attention, pure and simple. She has literally NO ONE left to perform for...except the "public" via a tv show.
The comments on the tv site...all sympathetic, all offering help and prayers. All supporting her.
Yes I am angry, and bitter, and aghast that some posters seem to think I am cruel. I am not cruel, it hurts me to see her this way...as I said she had everything going for her, once upon a time.
I'm not cruel, but I am DONE.
Btw if you think this needs to be on the relationship thread, tell the mods, not me.
I can relate to what you bolded. I know the AA/Disease Model rhetoric inside and out. Yes, I do believe there is a predisposition to alcoholism, but I don't buy the "it's just a little old disease so you have to put up with the drunk because he can't help the nasty evil things he does and says" schtick. Remember--that $#!+ was in their head in the first place--maybe they wouldn't have SAID or DONE those things if they weren't drunk, but alcohol didn't make the meanness appear. It was already there, and the drinking just brought it out.
In my observation of truly dedicated alkies--siblings, a woman who was once a good friend, a husband--one characteristic is a constant. Whether drunk or sober, none of them could ever see things from another's point of view or understand that their words and behavior affects others. It might very well be that the same gene or whatever that prevents them from being able to stop drinking also carries this personality flaw, and that's why "selfish" is so often used to describe them.
Alcoholics are people. If they were jerks/selfish/friendly/loving/mean (pick one) while they were drinking, they will be jerks/selfish/friendly/loving/mean after they have stopped drinking unless they have done something to change that behavior.
IMO, you allow this woman to consume too much of your emotional energy. Your choice to do so, but you shouldn't expect sympathy on this forum. Your OP was a question about alcoholics, but it is clear from your subsequent posts that it is about a personal grudge and jealousy on your part.
I think it is your attempt to deceive us that is causing judgement to fall on you and not the woman that scorn.
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