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Old 09-15-2012, 05:50 AM
 
Location: zone 5
7,329 posts, read 13,807,606 times
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A little trip is a good idea, but you also need some space on a more regular basis. He probably feels dependent on you and doesn't like you taking too much time away from him. If you find someplace you can volunteer at, you'll have something rewarding to do, and it's "for a good cause" so he may be more understanding about you going out.
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Old 09-15-2012, 05:50 AM
 
154 posts, read 331,909 times
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I will let you all know how it goes when I "take a break". I didn't know there were other people in the same boat so to speak. This is an outlet I haven't had and I love it. Someone keep talking, PLEASE ;-))
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Old 09-15-2012, 06:19 AM
 
Location: Florida
20,967 posts, read 21,047,475 times
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Some time away isnt a bad thing but more important is some time every day or at least a frequent basis.
Depending on what you like to do, a couple of hours at the library....an excercise or yoga group which might even lead to coffee after with person or people you meet there....... coffee or lunch dates with a friend.....just a 'me-time' to sit and read or sew or paint or even uninteruptable time on the computer.....a daily long walk.
Few couples find that one person can be everything to one another and live in one anothers pocket 24/7.
Little aggravations can become big ones if you can't 'get away' sometimes.
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Old 09-15-2012, 09:33 AM
 
Location: Location: Location
6,506 posts, read 8,175,421 times
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I can remember my mother saying, "For better or worse - but not for lunch". It's common (although not always talked about) to hit a point in your life where it seems you're never alone.

I had a friend (now deceased) who told me that she never wanted to work. Was content to be a SAH mom. Until her husband retired. She said she finally got a job when he began talking to her through the bathroom door!

Forty years ago, you saw something in him that was just what you wanted. Through the years, you've changed and so has he. See if you can find that elusive "something" again. In the meantime, enjoy your vacation and map a plan for when you return. Think about hobbies or volunteering or a club. I became involved in local theater and turns out I had a talent - who knew? - and I appeared in over 60 plays, a couple of indie films and even did some advertising work. Opportunity often turns up when you aren't even looking.
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Old 09-15-2012, 10:01 AM
 
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Another way to look at all this is to "recharge your batteries"!

I currently have a very good friend who has been hit with a WHOLE bunch of problems all at once. And that is life. Things will go good for a while, then other times problems crop up. But in my friend's case, he has been hit with about 10 years worth of problems all at once! (Not fair!)

He comes over and talks to me about these things. We discuss various solutions. But after talking with him for a few hours, I feel emotionally drained - need a break! And he gets to where he can't discuss these things anymore either - he says let's not talk about it anymore (that lasts 3 minutes, then he starts talking about it again ).

Anyway he goes home, then after about a day away from him, my "batteries" are recharged. I then am ready for another 2 hour discussion.

Time away from problems also helps me with my own "self-inflicted" problems. I may be working on a project and hit a stumbling block with no apparent solution. After many hours, I am "drained". It is a big help to stop working and go do something else. Go for a walk or a drive - whatever. Get away from it for a while.
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Old 09-15-2012, 10:25 AM
 
Location: Kirkwood, DE and beautiful SXM!
12,054 posts, read 20,746,545 times
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Most of us who have been married a long time feel the same way that you do from time to time~~it is normal. Visiting family is a great idea. You should try to do something either every day or a few times a week that is just for you. That might be taking up a hobby, going to the gym, volunteering, or just meeting friends for lunch. Just make some plans for yourself, and if DH wants to do it with you, that opens up another way of looking at him. He may feel the same way. All of us need to change our routines during our lifetime. Make the most of it now.
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Old 09-15-2012, 05:59 PM
 
13,049 posts, read 16,087,687 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tazymae2010 View Post
I will let you all know how it goes when I "take a break". I didn't know there were other people in the same boat so to speak. This is an outlet I haven't had and I love it. Someone keep talking, PLEASE ;-))
Tazymae2010....it's sooooo amazing that you rarely been away from your hubby...truly...believe me, you deserve to go away for a few days to see family, whatever.....wait'll you get back!!..It's true when they say "absence makes the heart grow fonder" or "you don't know what you've got till it's gone"....you'll definitely FEEL the love when you get back...
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Old 09-15-2012, 10:09 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,234 posts, read 18,815,911 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tazymae2010 View Post
I have been married 40 years to a really good man. Without writing a book, things have happened and I find myself not liking him as much as I used to. I still love him and would give him my last breath BUT I sometimes really don't like him and wish I could spend some "my time" away from him. I have no interest in other men OR women so don't go there. He has a lot of health issues but that's not why I don't like him so don't go there.....Is there anyone out there that has or has had the same feelings ??


Short answer: Yes

Longer answer: Yes. I met my husband 43 years ago when we were both 17 years old. We have been married for 35 years. He now has some serious health problems which make him very emotionally and physically draining to be around, but I still love him very much. I haven't been able to spend very much time away from him due to his health problems but I try to take short breaks whenever I can.
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Old 09-16-2012, 07:07 AM
 
154 posts, read 331,909 times
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Germaine
That's exactly where I am now...DH has had 4 heart attacks, last year a pacemaker and a quad bypass..Depression (of course) on pain meds due to broken bones throughout the years. I would give him my last breath but that doesn't mean sometimes I don't "like" him. There is a thin line between love and hate and sometims I cross that line. He IS very draining to be around but if he didn't have me he would have nobody.....Thanks for the post.
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Old 09-17-2012, 04:15 PM
 
150 posts, read 291,678 times
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tazymae - I am in your situation. DH has been disabled for 3 years and had to officially retire a few months ago. I still work full time, and we have been together over 30 years. I love him and can't imagine my life without him, but sometimes you just need a little "me" time. Because he is at home a lot, when I get home after a full day, he wants my undivided attention. Sometimes I just need to be quiet.

There are have small shifts lately because he is finally partially recovered enough to do some things. Join a group of people doing something you love - books, gardening, whatever it is. On my end we joined a group together, made wonderful new friends and we both have different interests in the club, so we are not always together.

You sound like me, we probably have spent 5 nights apart in our married life by choice - meaning visiting family or such. I swear joining the group made me really appreciate him more. Now we can be together at a function, but talking to different people. Start small. I've been exactly where you are and can tell you a small change can make all the difference.

And it is okay to not always like him, but I can tell your love for him is there.
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