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Old 09-12-2012, 07:14 AM
 
154 posts, read 331,909 times
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I have been married 40 years to a really good man. Without writing a book, things have happened and I find myself not liking him as much as I used to. I still love him and would give him my last breath BUT I sometimes really don't like him and wish I could spend some "my time" away from him. I have no interest in other men OR women so don't go there. He has a lot of health issues but that's not why I don't like him so don't go there.....Is there anyone out there that has or has had the same feelings ??
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Old 09-12-2012, 07:22 AM
 
Location: AZ
741 posts, read 1,444,733 times
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I worry quite often of what is to come in my future with my husband when the kids all move out. I do not enjoy spending time with him very much. We have been married for 15 years and we love eachother. He likes spending time with me but I almost can't stand to be around him for very long before I get mad. For one thing he never shuts up. I like some quiet lulls. For another thing, he isn't concerned about making healthy choices like I am. He constantly pesters me for sex too. I'm almost 43 years old and I am not interested in sex every single day. There are lots of things that really annoy me that he does. I told him that when all of the kids move out I expect to be hiking every day so if he wants to be with me then he had better get in shape..lol
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Old 09-12-2012, 10:58 AM
 
4,762 posts, read 11,671,942 times
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I would say listen to your instincts. If you have been married for 40 years, then you certainly know a LOT more about relationships than myself or anyone I know!

I do know about my dad as he grew older (87). He became a very nasty person. And he was stubborn and independent. So would not listen to any suggestions or advice. And was hard of hearing, so didn't understand what people were saying.

I was able to "get through to him" by writing him letters. And when he did nasty things, I just said to myself that it was not "he" who was doing that - let it go in one ear and out the other. There would be no point in arguing with him or trying to discuss it. And I spent time with him and tried my best to make him happy in his last days. But I needed time away, the more the better.

There are other people on this forum who are quite familiar with what happens to people as they grow older. If you care to give a little more information about what changes your husband is going through, maybe they could offer some suggestions?
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Old 09-12-2012, 04:31 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
15,424 posts, read 22,649,300 times
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I think everyone has been there who has been married for a significant time. Go for a weekend away with your friends, just to enjoy yourself!
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Old 09-12-2012, 04:57 PM
 
Location: Location: Location
6,506 posts, read 8,175,421 times
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Yes, I've been there. Hubs is deceased so I have lots of time to myself now.

tazy, without being too specific, couldn't you just tell him that you really need a little time to yourself to regroup? Explain that while you love him, you just would like to have a day off now and then.
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Old 09-12-2012, 05:24 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic east coast
5,518 posts, read 10,214,821 times
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We cannot change others--we can only change ourselves. If spouse becomes annoying, create a life that gives you space. No apologies needed, you're the captain of your own ship.

Create a life that delights YOU...see if he wants to cruise with you or if your new voyage is best done solo.

Sometimes you just need a marriage "sabbatical" to refresh your union--too much together time can be cloying, yes?
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Old 09-12-2012, 09:30 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,947 posts, read 17,861,267 times
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Chiming in with the others and guessing you two are retired now so you're seeing each other a lot more than you used to so you probably do need a break. Also, health issues may be coming up and worrying you as to how that's all going to play out. If you can't get away for a bit, which I highly recommend, at least change things up some and get out of the rut--your feelings of dissatisfaction with yourself could be transferring onto him. (If that's the problem--I'm just guessing here.)
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Old 09-14-2012, 09:21 AM
 
154 posts, read 331,909 times
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Default Spouse

Thank you all. Everyone seems so on target. I love him but at times I feel smothered. I am making plans to take a small break. I may go visit my sister but I have NEVER been away from my husband overnight...That may seem odd but that's the truth. I have known him since I was 13. I am 61 now. Wehave been married for 40 years. No children..Maybe that makes a difference in our relationship. But I do need a break. Oh, backup I was away from him overnight at times when he had heart problems and was in the hospital.
Thanks to all of you...This helps
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Old 09-14-2012, 09:30 AM
 
2,382 posts, read 4,664,872 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tazymae2010 View Post
Thank you all. Everyone seems so on target. I love him but at times I feel smothered. I am making plans to take a small break. I may go visit my sister but I have NEVER been away from my husband overnight...That may seem odd but that's the truth. I have known him since I was 13. I am 61 now. Wehave been married for 40 years. No children..Maybe that makes a difference in our relationship. But I do need a break. Oh, backup I was away from him overnight at times when he had heart problems and was in the hospital.
Thanks to all of you...This helps
I think my mom feels the way you do... she hadn't planned on retiring for a couple years but was let go. She's now home with Dad (who retired a couple years ago). Dad has always been more needy, I think. Thankfully - they both have their won hobbies. Dad isn't up for travel much, he hates an interuption in his routine so mom has started coming out to see both my sister and me (we're in differnt states).

I think it's totally reasonable for you to try and carve out time for yourself!
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Old 09-14-2012, 08:04 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic east coast
5,518 posts, read 10,214,821 times
Reputation: 10727
Quote:
Originally Posted by tazymae2010 View Post
Thank you all. Everyone seems so on target. I love him but at times I feel smothered. I am making plans to take a small break. I may go visit my sister but I have NEVER been away from my husband overnight...That may seem odd but that's the truth. I have known him since I was 13. I am 61 now. Wehave been married for 40 years. No children..Maybe that makes a difference in our relationship. But I do need a break. Oh, backup I was away from him overnight at times when he had heart problems and was in the hospital.
Thanks to all of you...This helps
So glad you're doing this...just might be the break you need. Even a day away in a another city can be refreshing, too. Hope you'll report back after you visit with your sister to see if you've found your relationship with spouse refreshed!
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