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Old 09-29-2012, 07:01 AM
Status: "Disoriented" (set 15 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
60,973 posts, read 58,222,584 times
Reputation: 72995

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlantis View Post
I do a lot of things alone that people typically do with others. I see movies alone, I travel alone. There was a church I used to go to alone also.

For me it's the desire not to miss out on things. I was tired of not seeing certain movies in the theater and waiting for the DVD just because no one I knew wanted to see them in the theater. I'm not comfortable going to see a movie alone on a Friday night or Saturday night though, when it's crowded.

I started traveling alone because of my interest in places that others I knew weren't interested in.

The church service that I used to go to alone was Benediction at a Catholic church (I'm not Catholic but I like the service) on Sunday afternoons. There weren't many people in there for that service - maybe 20. There are some other churches that I visited alone once also.

When I travel I eat at sit-down restaurants alone, but I don't do that when I'm at home. When I'm at home I'll eat at a coffee shop or a deli/cafeteria-style place alone. I'm still kind of uncomfortable eating at sit-down restaurants alone.

And I do things alone that people typically do alone - grocery shopping, going to the library and so on.
This is a good post. I haven't gone to the movies alone because I'm not a big movie head in the first place, but a few times there was something I wanted to see. I will try that next.

I would not mind traveling alone. My money for travel is limited right now because I have a daughter in college and I was a single mom and therefore had no money to save for school when she was growing up, so I've got a lot of expenses and can't take a big trip where I fly somewhere for another year or so. But I do things alone locally, such as visit the county historical sites when they have special events. Very few people, and even fewer women, are interested in history the way I am and I don't know a soul I could ask to accompany me without putting them in the awkward position of trying to figure out how to tell me no, lol. There is a specific historical site about five hours away that I plan to visit and stay overnight one of these days.

I have gone to Atlantic City alone. I like to gamble a little, especially the game of Let It Ride, and I go once or twice a year (it's about an hour and a half drive for me). I went on a Sunday afternoon, played the game a little with the money I allowed myself for that, had lunch, walked the boardwalk, and went home again.
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Old 09-29-2012, 07:11 AM
 
16,053 posts, read 20,624,357 times
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Perhaps if you went to the church and spoke to the Pastor during the week it might make you feel like you know someone there. I think then having someone to acknowledge your presence might make you feel less alone. I also think going to visit nursing homes, where there are folks who have very little ability to interact or go places might make you feel like your doing something beneficial and helping others often is the best way to help ourselves. Or, volunteer to read w/ children who need help at your local school. I worked w/ seniors, and I believe that they along w/ young school children are very accepting.

Also, there are specific support groups in many cities, usually these are listed in a Sunday paper, or online at the local Hospital website, or social service agency. Look for a support groups that you are comfortable in....sometimes there are very supportive people and you can help each other, go for walks, etc.

As far as going to have a beer...perhaps pick out a comfortable safe looking upscale place and go during an afternoon and sit at the bar near the hopefully friendly bartender. I would encourage the volunteering and support group over the beer drinking...Who needs more problems. Good luck to you.
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Old 09-29-2012, 12:07 PM
 
1,245 posts, read 1,573,878 times
Reputation: 1352
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
One more idea is to browse through Meetup.com. They have groups for everything. I like to write, and I found a writers group. We meet once a month. That is something I enjoy, and only a few of the group have actually published books (I've had a couple of articles and short stories in obscure literary magazines over the years--definitely can't quit my day job.) But we all like to write and exchange ideas and read one another's work. Meetup has groups for all interests, and most people who show up are there on their own.

Good luck.

Thanks for mentioning this site! I checked and sure enough there is a group in my area that looks interesting. I am a bit concerned, however, that the group has a $5 annual membership fee. I'm not concerned about the money but is this normal to have to pay to be part of a group on this site? The leader of this group claims that this fee is for upkeep of the group's "site" on meetup.com. Does this sound legit or is someone just trying to make some extra cash? There does seem to be a lot of activity in the group, however, most events only have a handful of RSVPs at the moment.
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Old 09-29-2012, 02:25 PM
 
Location: Western NY
559 posts, read 1,230,319 times
Reputation: 556
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
This is a good post. I haven't gone to the movies alone because I'm not a big movie head in the first place, but a few times there was something I wanted to see. I will try that next.

I would not mind traveling alone. My money for travel is limited right now because I have a daughter in college and I was a single mom and therefore had no money to save for school when she was growing up, so I've got a lot of expenses and can't take a big trip where I fly somewhere for another year or so. But I do things alone locally, such as visit the county historical sites when they have special events. Very few people, and even fewer women, are interested in history the way I am and I don't know a soul I could ask to accompany me without putting them in the awkward position of trying to figure out how to tell me no, lol. There is a specific historical site about five hours away that I plan to visit and stay overnight one of these days.

I have gone to Atlantic City alone. I like to gamble a little, especially the game of Let It Ride, and I go once or twice a year (it's about an hour and a half drive for me). I went on a Sunday afternoon, played the game a little with the money I allowed myself for that, had lunch, walked the boardwalk, and went home again.
I know what you mean about not wanting to put someone in that awkward position. It would be no fun going somewhere with someone who you know isn't interested and isn't having fun.

I almost went to Atlantic City alone! I had driven to Philadelphia alone, and after I got there I found out that Atlantic City is very close. I was figuring out if I could fit AC into my trip. I ended up not having enough time to go there after all of the sightseeing I did in Philly though.

I've also driven to Montreal and Quebec City alone, and I've flown to Chicago and L.A. alone.
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Old 09-29-2012, 02:29 PM
 
35,107 posts, read 42,149,571 times
Reputation: 62192
Quote:
Originally Posted by VX5650 View Post
Does anybody else struggle with leaving the house alone and going places alone? For instance, I would love to go get a beer at a nice, local bar but I have no one to go with and I can't seem to make myself go alone. While there I think it would be nice to talk to some people but I have no idea how to talk to strangers any more!
Then there is a church that looks interesting and I tell myself that I'll go but when the time comes I can't seem to do it.
How do you make yourself go out in public alone and do things with people when you haven't done it in so long or haven't even done it at all? How do you get over the overwhelming internal resistance?

You take baby steps, one thing at a time. Get yourself up, showered, dressed and walk out of the door for church, if you start getting uncomfortable go back inside and the next Sunday see if you can make it to the car and so on. Just keep adding an additional step to your attempt until you get there. It can take a long time and you can convince yourself you really don't need to go but you do need to go, you do need to take that first step, by yourself, no one but you can do this for yourself.
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Old 09-29-2012, 03:02 PM
Status: "Disoriented" (set 15 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
60,973 posts, read 58,222,584 times
Reputation: 72995
Quote:
Originally Posted by VX5650 View Post
Thanks for mentioning this site! I checked and sure enough there is a group in my area that looks interesting. I am a bit concerned, however, that the group has a $5 annual membership fee. I'm not concerned about the money but is this normal to have to pay to be part of a group on this site? The leader of this group claims that this fee is for upkeep of the group's "site" on meetup.com. Does this sound legit or is someone just trying to make some extra cash? There does seem to be a lot of activity in the group, however, most events only have a handful of RSVPs at the moment.
No, it's legit. There is a fee to post your group on Meetup. That's how they make their money. The organizer of our Writers Group is currently unemployed, and she asked us to chip in for the fee--we did last year, too. Of course, that doesn't mean someone won't try to take advantage. I think I gave my organizer ten bucks last year and recently she asked for 15 or so. We've been having around a dozen people turn up, so she was asking for it from the regulars.

I forget what it is, but for some reason I think she said it cost her $180 a year to keep the group on Meetup. It might be something like $20 a month but you get a discount for paying for six months at a time. Something like that.
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Old 09-29-2012, 03:04 PM
Status: "Disoriented" (set 15 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
60,973 posts, read 58,222,584 times
Reputation: 72995
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlantis View Post
I know what you mean about not wanting to put someone in that awkward position. It would be no fun going somewhere with someone who you know isn't interested and isn't having fun.

I almost went to Atlantic City alone! I had driven to Philadelphia alone, and after I got there I found out that Atlantic City is very close. I was figuring out if I could fit AC into my trip. I ended up not having enough time to go there after all of the sightseeing I did in Philly though.

I've also driven to Montreal and Quebec City alone, and I've flown to Chicago and L.A. alone.
Once my daughter is done with college and I pay some of that off I will be able to do a little traveling. I want to see some of the US cities I've never been to (Chicago is at the top of the list) and I would definitely do that alone.
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Old 09-29-2012, 03:06 PM
Status: "Disoriented" (set 15 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
60,973 posts, read 58,222,584 times
Reputation: 72995
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
Perhaps if you went to the church and spoke to the Pastor during the week it might make you feel like you know someone there. I think then having someone to acknowledge your presence might make you feel less alone. I also think going to visit nursing homes, where there are folks who have very little ability to interact or go places might make you feel like your doing something beneficial and helping others often is the best way to help ourselves. Or, volunteer to read w/ children who need help at your local school. I worked w/ seniors, and I believe that they along w/ young school children are very accepting.

Also, there are specific support groups in many cities, usually these are listed in a Sunday paper, or online at the local Hospital website, or social service agency. Look for a support groups that you are comfortable in....sometimes there are very supportive people and you can help each other, go for walks, etc.

As far as going to have a beer...perhaps pick out a comfortable safe looking upscale place and go during an afternoon and sit at the bar near the hopefully friendly bartender. I would encourage the volunteering and support group over the beer drinking...Who needs more problems. Good luck to you.
Ha, I laughed when I read that. I was once married to an alcoholic. Although once in a while I would like to go have a drink after work, there's a little part of my brain that sets off an alarm bell at the thought that says, "but you'll have to be careful of not being too friendly to another alkie leach..."

But seriously, while I am all for volunteering, too often that is casually tossed at the lonely person by a not-so-lonely person as a dismissive suggestion, and it doesn't really help. Just because a person is alone in life doesn't mean that they aren't entitled to a shot at enjoying some of the pleasurable activities that the rest of the world enjoys, such as dinners out, theater, hobbies. Too many people first tell the lonely person just to volunteer, as if their lives are obviously so worthless that the best they can do is be assigned to take care of society's demented and drooling and then those with families and friends won't have to worry about them and all will be well.

Volunteering and helping others can be very rewarding, but a lonely person also needs to be able to have some fulfillment other than that gained by taking care of someone else. They need to take care of themselves, too.
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Old 09-30-2012, 02:49 PM
 
8 posts, read 12,563 times
Reputation: 20
deal and do it.

you spend 90% of your life alone.
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Old 09-30-2012, 05:44 PM
 
1,245 posts, read 1,573,878 times
Reputation: 1352
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
No, it's legit. There is a fee to post your group on Meetup. That's how they make their money. The organizer of our Writers Group is currently unemployed, and she asked us to chip in for the fee--we did last year, too. Of course, that doesn't mean someone won't try to take advantage. I think I gave my organizer ten bucks last year and recently she asked for 15 or so. We've been having around a dozen people turn up, so she was asking for it from the regulars.

I forget what it is, but for some reason I think she said it cost her $180 a year to keep the group on Meetup. It might be something like $20 a month but you get a discount for paying for six months at a time. Something like that.


Thanks for clearing that up! It's a shame that Meetup charges the organizers so much. We get used to websites being free.
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