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Old 09-29-2012, 03:02 PM
 
12,120 posts, read 29,306,804 times
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no matter what others tell me i cannot shake off these bad feelings concerning with others (like on the job primarily) are thinking about me. do you think this warrants medication or not? and the thing is i just claimed on another board that i didn't care what anyone thinks about me on the job then i posted this, to the contrary
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Old 09-29-2012, 05:54 PM
 
Location: Kansas
19,184 posts, read 15,737,395 times
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I was concerned about that when I was in high school but then, I learned to accept myself and had no desire to be like anyone other than me so for the last 40 years, I just haven't really gave a darn what others were thinking of me. What do you think that other people are thinking? Life is too short and I don't think you need medication to deal with this as it is common and usually as you age, you become more secure about who you are. Funny how a person generally thinks that everyone is thinking about them and they just aren't because people are so busy and have so many other things to handle. Maybe a passing thought but I doubt they spend a lot of time thinking about others. So, what is making you uncomfortable about you that you think they are thinking about?
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Old 09-29-2012, 06:13 PM
 
Location: AZ
741 posts, read 1,444,733 times
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wow! I swear that this is exactly what really bothers me and causes 99% of my problems in life!!

For example: today was my daughter's babyshower..I was EXTREMELY anxious about what the other people would think of me at the bayshower..I am not very social..I know that most of my kids are the same way..
NO, I don't believe in medication though and that is my own opinion.. I feel that one is the way they are and they deserve to be respected for who they are..
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Old 09-29-2012, 06:19 PM
 
12,120 posts, read 29,306,804 times
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ive been on my job for 22 years(I am now 50) i have a good job but i am not a socializer or schmoozer on the job(save for a few good people i know) and have had my share of ego busting experiences that make me wanna hide all the time. obviously those who make less $$ than i do consider me a success but i have had bad experiences for example with young 20 somethings making comments to me like "how could you wanna stay on this job forever" which goes right to my gut.

for example we got 2 new workers who share my credentials and i never ever go into their office to talk to them because i think they are thinking of me as a dull non risk taker who has done the same job forever (dull is debateable and done the same job is also debateable but non risk taker and non scmoozer is not debateable). the slightest smile on their part if i cross their office i assume is about me

some of this might be biochemical. i have noticed a big increase in anxiety and panic attacks since last year as my mom passed last year(dad in 2008) and i just had surgery for cancer. i am doing fine and the results were negative but i still am concerned and have to for tests every 3 months

but that's besides the point. i still am convinced that other people think of me as being on the job for so long and not working my way up or getting passed over for promotions and i avoid them like the plague

also i don't have friends and spend much of my time alone and i suppose i feel bad about it but is this the reason i avoid others? there must be a way around this? like becoming a compulsive liar like the rest of the world? ?
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Old 09-30-2012, 09:38 AM
 
Location: Toronto
21 posts, read 27,260 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rlrl View Post
ive been on my job for 22 years(I am now 50) i have a good job but i am not a socializer or schmoozer on the job(save for a few good people i know) and have had my share of ego busting experiences that make me wanna hide all the time. obviously those who make less $$ than i do consider me a success but i have had bad experiences for example with young 20 somethings making comments to me like "how could you wanna stay on this job forever" which goes right to my gut.

for example we got 2 new workers who share my credentials and i never ever go into their office to talk to them because i think they are thinking of me as a dull non risk taker who has done the same job forever (dull is debateable and done the same job is also debateable but non risk taker and non scmoozer is not debateable). the slightest smile on their part if i cross their office i assume is about me

some of this might be biochemical. i have noticed a big increase in anxiety and panic attacks since last year as my mom passed last year(dad in 2008) and i just had surgery for cancer. i am doing fine and the results were negative but i still am concerned and have to for tests every 3 months

but that's besides the point. i still am convinced that other people think of me as being on the job for so long and not working my way up or getting passed over for promotions and i avoid them like the plague

also i don't have friends and spend much of my time alone and i suppose i feel bad about it but is this the reason i avoid others? there must be a way around this? like becoming a compulsive liar like the rest of the world? ?
Only your doctor or a psychiatrist can determine whether or not your anxiety warrants medication. As such, I would highly recommend discussing this with your doctor and/or a psychiatrist as soon as possible. Based on what I've read, it does sound concerning, especially if you are having panic attacks. This is always a sign that something is off and it must be addressed or it can get progressively worse. In other words, high anxiety and panic attacks generally don't disappear on their own until addressed with some form of therapy such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and/or medication. Now personally I will leave it up to your doctor to decide whether or not you need medication, but I would definitely recommend CBT to help deal with your concerns about what other employee's may or may not be thinking, as well as any potential struggles you may still have in the wake of your parents passing and your recent surgery. It sounds like you've been coping with a lot of stressful events and I think that talking with a professional about the impact this has had on your well being will be a great help. Of course, it's up to you, but I think it would do you a lot of good
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Old 09-30-2012, 05:18 PM
 
Location: Kansas
19,184 posts, read 15,737,395 times
Reputation: 18313
When I worked in Federal Civil Service, we had a lady who was probably at least 60 years old and still at the entry level or darn near it after many, many years and each time a promotion came up, everyone encouraged her to try for it. She would just smile and say she loved what she was doing at that level. I am still wondering though if it doesn't trouble you much more than it troubles others. You should probably at least talk it out with a counselor. Do you have, and I can't remember the name of it, I think, an employee assistance program where you can go see a counselor to talk about problems at work? You just need a way to build your confidence, I think. It does get difficult as you age and you start to compare yourself to others and where you are and where they are. I had career and gave it up to be my son with disabilities caretaker and now, I watch everyone else retiring with a nice income and they are traveling and I am still caring for my son. Sometimes I feel like a failure and really don't want to tell people about my life. This is the hand I was dealt. Gosh,, they take cruises and everything and I'll not probably ever be able to stop working. It is hard to work with 20 somethings as I did that once! You need to talk this through with someone who can give you some strategies for dealing with it and I would say that if that fails to work than you would look to medication. Getting older is not a picnic but I am more stable at 58 than I was at 50. I truly hope you get to feeling better about things. People have become so cruel though these days that I could see how you could feel that people behaving badly would be a real possibility.
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Old 09-30-2012, 06:09 PM
 
12,120 posts, read 29,306,804 times
Reputation: 3799
thanks for your concern. there is no EAP at my place. its not that those who are being hired are doing better tasks than i am, it's just that they are younger and i feel like i am losing my luster and mystique after all these years. i had it rough when i was a young adult--i dropped out of college twice before finally finishing up and then had my heart set on being a social worker which i have been for the past 22 years. trouble is, there are probably a helluva other jobs id do good at but since i put all my eggs in one basket i have little to no other experience with anything else. its like this is my life and i feel trapped. i can't turn to my folks cause theyve both passed on and my brother is 900 miles away from here and our relationship has its ups and downs

you were right it does cause me more trouble than it does the others and the 20 somethings born in the late 80's and early 90's are much nicer than those i used to deal with--born in the 70's, but ive insulated myself so much from others that it's still tough to even make conversation with the nicer 20 somethings

my panic attacks and cancer followups make it tough for me to relax and i shudder to think what would become of me if i lost my job, but thank god i'm not suicidal and never have been and i just keep getting up again when i fall

i would love to be married but i am realistic as to the kind of man i am and believe me i have my limitations and i just can't picture any woman accepting me for what i am (or am not)

i could go on and on but thanks for the concern
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Old 09-30-2012, 06:11 PM
 
12,120 posts, read 29,306,804 times
Reputation: 3799
is it possible that a certain % of these folks would not even entertain any negative thoughts about me, and see my longevity as a positive?

ive been with this company forever but people do not see me as a slouch or lazy
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Old 09-30-2012, 06:19 PM
 
12,120 posts, read 29,306,804 times
Reputation: 3799
i think what embarrasses me most is what do the young girls think of me. i mean yes they're too young for me and all but its just a lousy thought that they might see me as a non risk taker who is not a job jumper and to them that is not attractive or sexual enough to them. it's like i gotta have the approval and admiration of people and women who i am not even in a relationship with

sometimes i get to thinking would they rather be with the other guys who make over $100 g a year and do they ever say sexually degrading things about me compared to the other guys

I know I know i need sleep...
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