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Old 10-06-2012, 06:19 AM
 
14,016 posts, read 14,476,581 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rlarson21 View Post
Yeah but a therapist might not help. I knew my views were different than others but I didn't realize that I was that bad off in the eyes of others. I will consider going.
Dude, your post got automatically transferred to the mental health board. That should be telling you something.

Going to a therapist doesn't mean you're crazy or disturbed, just that you have some stuff to work through. Shop around - the first one might not help, but the next one might be perfect.
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Old 10-06-2012, 07:42 AM
 
842 posts, read 1,135,655 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
He's spent his entire life up to now, the age of 35, being disgusted by the idea of being in a meaningful sexual relationship. I REALLY don't think the therapist is going to be "extending" anything.
He'll need to see a therapist every week for the rest of his life...according to therapists.
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Old 10-06-2012, 08:25 AM
 
4,762 posts, read 11,675,660 times
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You don't have to have sex if you don't want to! And if you are happy with the way you are (not having sex), then that is fine and you do not need counseling.

There are other people out there who prefer to not have sex either. Some men have a low sex drive. Whatever!

Anyway craigslist.org has a "Strictly Platonic" link in the personals section. Click on that, then m4m. These are men who want to do things other than sex with other men. Some are gay, others straight. But if you are not having sex with them, don't limit yourself to just gay men (unless you would feel more comfortable with gay men).

FYI - I know a straight guy who did not have sex for 2 years. He just has a low sex drive and can live without it. Just the way some people are...
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Old 10-06-2012, 02:59 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 90,419,350 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
He's spent his entire life up to now, the age of 35, being disgusted by the idea of being in a meaningful sexual relationship. I REALLY don't think the therapist is going to be "extending" anything.
EXACTLY.

Some people are so clueless about what a good therapist can do to turn a suffering persons life around
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Old 10-06-2012, 03:29 PM
 
Location: Canada
4,717 posts, read 8,793,126 times
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It might also help to move to a larger centre, if possible financially. You'd have a larger dating pool and could perhaps look at serious gay dating websites to meet people looking for love, not just sex. I can understand being disgusted by meaningless sex with strangers and people who don't love you when your heart is crying out for something else entirely. But your feelings are a bit extreme, and while you're not crazy at all, they might be right in that a therapist could put you on the path towards becoming someone who could handle a serious relationship and make it work once you're in one.
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Old 10-06-2012, 03:56 PM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,545 posts, read 18,213,296 times
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Something that strike me are two statements. That the OP was badly bullied for a long time. That he hates it when someone looks at him as a sex object since he's considered 'hot', like he's a thing.... When a bully goes after someone to them he or she is just a thing too, not a person. Things like this can contintue to taint your life after they're over.

Maybe the porn is to sipnon off those energies but maybe its porn since porn is also impersonal.

And yes, its true some have a low sex drive but generally don't engage in porn to relieve it.

I say yes to a therapist. If its something which doesn't bother the OP, then maybe it would be different. But clearly it does. What a good therapist does is start things off, find and nurture a connection and the client does the real work of rewiring the thoughts.

And if there has been abuse, sexual or not, its not unusual to not want to take the risk of getting personal and avoiding that which is. This applies to men or women, of any sexual preference.

Go for it, and figure out why so other doors which were closed are open again.
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Old 10-06-2012, 10:28 PM
 
Location: FL
1,727 posts, read 2,243,316 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rlarson21 View Post
I'm a 35 year old gay guy. I have only been with one guy and that was five years ago. I didn't even come out until age 28 and before this i dated nobody.

I feel uncomfortable with sexuality in general. The gays in my small town are all about hooking up right away and having sex.

Part of me finds sexuality in general to be demeaning and sick. what's weird though is that i like the fact that other guys here think i'm hot but i feel uncomfortable with the idea of actually having sex. I feel better just staying home and looking at porn online and not actually doing it.

but i feel so lonely and i want a romantic/friendship relationship. If sex was a part of that then i would do it. but I just feel so demeaned by the whole process.

I look at porn online but I think it feels demeaning and disgusting that others look at me this way in the raw sense and i have a hard time feeling comfortable with the idea of sex when it actually comes to doing it in real life.

Is there something wrong with me?
Watching porn may not be the best place to get your information on what sex between two adults who love eachother or care about eachother is like.

The relationship comes first, then the sex. There is nothing wrong with you. Some folks are only interested in sex. Some are interested in relationships. You just happen to be one of the people who are more focused on the relationship. When you find the right person, the sex will take care of itself.
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Old 10-07-2012, 07:46 AM
 
396 posts, read 748,795 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
Dude, your post got automatically transferred to the mental health board. That should be telling you something.

Going to a therapist doesn't mean you're crazy or disturbed, just that you have some stuff to work through. Shop around - the first one might not help, but the next one might be perfect.
That there are some rather insensitive *******s out there. MY aspergers thread was moved too. Neither being gay or autistic is a mental health issue unless directly references as so.


Anyhow dude I'm in the same boat as you for the most part. I'm straight 25, and also disgusted by sex. My is based on a inability connect emotionally, but were both probably using excuses.

If you've had nothing but bad sex, your not gonna be pleased with the concept. All I can tell you is your gonna have to reexamine how you feel about this, and try to find a way for some positive experiences before you can pass judgement.
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Old 10-07-2012, 03:34 PM
 
Location: USA
1,899 posts, read 4,241,049 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rlarson21 View Post
Thanks for your input. I am completely gay and I have never experienced being a heterosexual because I was born gay. You don't turn straight if you are gay or vice versa. Since I've always only been attracted to men I don't understand what you mean by me being not as gay as I thought. Do you mean that im part asexual? I don't think I am because I hai thve sexual thoughts but I think actually doing it is demeaning and gross
IMHO, you actually sound like you're more asexual than "gay," because I'm sure everyone "has sexual thoughts," but if you are repelled by actually doing it, then I would say that is more asexual than anything.

If that is the only "unusual" thing in your personality and/or life, I would just consider myself a bachelor and not worry about it.
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Old 10-07-2012, 07:36 PM
 
14,016 posts, read 14,476,581 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikmaq32 View Post
That there are some rather insensitive *******s out there. MY aspergers thread was moved too. Neither being gay or autistic is a mental health issue unless directly references as so.


Anyhow dude I'm in the same boat as you for the most part. I'm straight 25, and also disgusted by sex. My is based on a inability connect emotionally, but were both probably using excuses.

If you've had nothing but bad sex, your not gonna be pleased with the concept. All I can tell you is your gonna have to reexamine how you feel about this, and try to find a way for some positive experiences before you can pass judgement.
His post wasn't moved because he was gay. It was moved because he has a deep-seated aversion to something that most people find pleasant, and that aversion is making him sad and frustrated. That's a mental health issue.

And Asperger's IS a mental health condition - your brain is just wired differently from the rest of the general population, and that no doubt comes with its share of issues (and advantages). I have severe ADD - I know what that's like to a certain extent. I'd expect any post I made that centered around my issues related to ADD to end up on the mental health board.

Would I want my ADD to disappear? Do I view it as a disease? HELL NO. It causes me some difficulties, but it also enables me to tackle projects and problems from entirely different angles. In my hometown, I was the first person that my family and friends called whenever there was a crisis. Now that I know what is actually wrong with my brain (wasn't diagnosed until I was almost 30), I know how to manage it properly and exploit the advantages it provides. I expect that's how you deal with your Aspberger's too.

But only a small percentage of the population has what I have, for all the media attention it gets. And it's the same with Aspberger's. And when either disorder/syndrome goes unrecognized, it almost always creates major problems in the life of the individual who has it. That makes it a mental health issue.
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