U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Covid-19 Information Page
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness > Mental Health
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-08-2012, 04:52 PM
 
Location: Kansas
19,184 posts, read 15,771,487 times
Reputation: 18313

Advertisements

That's the way I saw, that sexuality was causing him some mental anguish so it makes sense for it to be moved. I think anyone that is different in any way has a hard time where there is a lower population. It is just harder to fit in such a limited group. I guess the OP needs to spell out his needs, what he is looking for. A therapist might be helpful to just talk it through but too often that ends up in a forever rather than being helpful, seriously, I read where people are in therapy for years and I think that if they had a close friend to talk to..............you know where I am going with that. Some counselors are good though and just help someone figure out what they want and how to get it rather than reshape them into a "norm". Too much emphasis is put on "sexual" these days and porn, think it does not harm, look around.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-08-2012, 06:27 PM
 
1,615 posts, read 2,288,493 times
Reputation: 803
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnywhereElse View Post
That's the way I saw, that sexuality was causing him some mental anguish so it makes sense for it to be moved. I think anyone that is different in any way has a hard time where there is a lower population. It is just harder to fit in such a limited group. I guess the OP needs to spell out his needs, what he is looking for. A therapist might be helpful to just talk it through but too often that ends up in a forever rather than being helpful, seriously, I read where people are in therapy for years and I think that if they had a close friend to talk to..............you know where I am going with that. Some counselors are good though and just help someone figure out what they want and how to get it rather than reshape them into a "norm". Too much emphasis is put on "sexual" these days and porn, think it does not harm, look around.
I think moving to a bigger city might help. the biggest city in our state is an hour away. Fargo (population 250,000). That's pretty big compared to the city i live in now population (60,000). Part of it is that i grew up in such a conservative family oriented environment and i am a rule follower but i think what i really want deep down is both someone to have great sex with but whom i love and am close to at the same time. Just having sex with a random stranger for only lust seems a big 'wrong' to me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-08-2012, 07:30 PM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,570 posts, read 11,153,292 times
Reputation: 9331
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
He's spent his entire life up to now, the age of 35, being disgusted by the idea of being in a meaningful sexual relationship. I REALLY don't think the therapist is going to be "extending" anything.
"meaningful sexual relationship"? You have to be kidding...any relationship based strictly on achieving personal pleasure and that is only about sensuality is NOT a real relationship... Maybe this person is just an angel in human form...who really does not need sex- straight or gay. In ancient scripture there are beautiful angels that come to earth and the primitives assume they are gay...and they wanted to "know them" - in other words have sexual relations...Gay may not be based on sex or attraction- There are many gays the adore beautiful men and woman...They are attracted to human beauty...I am not sure when beauty got sexaulized....but it may just be some strange fixation..that manifests it self in the genitals..who knows..This whole gay thing will be studied for a few decades and maybe we will know what it really is- at this point is a strange phenomena.


Human beings are not BORN THAT WAY...young children are gender neutral...a 1 year old boy or girl does not even know what sex they are....It is conditioning.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-09-2012, 10:03 AM
 
4,761 posts, read 11,696,510 times
Reputation: 7878
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rlarson21 View Post
I think moving to a bigger city might help. the biggest city in our state is an hour away. Fargo (population 250,000). That's pretty big compared to the city i live in now population (60,000). Part of it is that i grew up in such a conservative family oriented environment and i am a rule follower but i think what i really want deep down is both someone to have great sex with but whom i love and am close to at the same time. Just having sex with a random stranger for only lust seems a big 'wrong' to me.
Yes that would help to move. It is a "numbers game". Gay men are a minority. Gay men who want to have a relationship (and not just sex) are a small minority of that minority. So if you live in a small town, then those numbers can be quite small. A larger city would have larger numbers of gay men who wanted to have a relationship.

Also with much larger cities like 2 million or more, there are gay areas where it is not uncommon to see two men walking down the street holding hands.

Actually I just searched google.com for the words...

gay friendly cities

...and there were many web site pages which came up in that search. One mentioned Washington, DC. That is interesting!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-09-2012, 05:04 PM
 
Location: Kansas
19,184 posts, read 15,771,487 times
Reputation: 18313
Maybe it doesn't have to be a really large city but a different city. You've seen what your city has and are not attracted to any of those and this happens to a lot of people so that isn't unusual. And, two thumbs up for wanting more than casual sex. There were two guys, a couple, in our old neighborhood and they would sit on the porch together and work outside together and because of being a long term couple, they existed among everyone else in the community and had a life together. We also had an elderly couple in the RV park when we lived near Tucson. I think you just want to settle down the way most do and as you age, it is like the clock is ticking and you get kind of anxious about being alone, growing old alone. So, you'll figure it out and just like for most of us, when you least expect it, that person enters your life. Anyone can have a casual sexual relationship but finding someone special to share your life with takes a little more time and work. I feel your frustration.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-14-2012, 04:57 AM
 
Location: Toronto
21 posts, read 27,284 times
Reputation: 54
I definitely understand your situation. I feel the same way myself. Actually, this is the first time I've read a post from someone who's described a situation so similar to mine, so it's nice to know that I'm not alone in feeling this way. Most gay men where I live are also all about hooking up, especially with apps like grindr. That being said, I don't think this is just a gay issue, because I think we're all aware that there's lots of straight people who have one night stands as well. I admit to doing the hook up thing for a while, and I would always regret it the next day. Sure, it feels good while it's happening, but then I would just feel dirty when it was over. And being the eternal pessimist that I am, I would immediately start thinking oh no, what if I've contracted something, leading to terrible anxiety until I went to get tested. I don't want to put myself through that anymore, so now I actively seek a long-term relationship instead.

So no, I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I think lots of people, gay or straight, would feel the same way. The solution I think is to seek a long-term relationship with someone you feel safe with. It's healthier, safer, cleaner. I think that once you find a LTR and you genuinely trust the other person, then the sex won't feel demeaning or disgusting at all.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-07-2012, 06:54 AM
 
Location: Quincy, Mass. (near Boston)
2,266 posts, read 3,859,525 times
Reputation: 1814
I second that poster who said to check your area's Craigslist "platonic" personals. Even in the large cities, you'll find very, very few of these postings. You will find overwhelming ads from gays to just hook up on that site.

But just by looking at those few ads, and the ads from larger cities, even if far away, you will find that a few people do wish for more than just hookup.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-07-2012, 07:30 AM
 
Location: Tucson/Nogales
18,607 posts, read 22,430,511 times
Reputation: 25895
It all sounds like, to me, a fear of intimacy, surrendering, or just not having found the right person to push your buttons!

When I came out, my first few sexual experiences were so ho-hum, so boring, I didn't care if I ever had sex again with another man!

But, I stumbled across someone, who knew every button to push, swept me out to a sexual ocean that I've never returned from!

Finally it clicked: Sex is the greatest joy available to mankind!

A suggestion: Look up someone who's skilled at giving one-hour tantric massages! Or try two hours! If that doesn't do it, what will!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-07-2012, 08:46 AM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,570 posts, read 11,153,292 times
Reputation: 9331
The classic gay life style in urban centers is very unsavory. My daughter walks her dog in a very large inter city park. There are hundreds of condoms strewn everywhere in the wooded areas..at first she thought hetero teenagers were getting it on in the darkened wooded area..She google the name of the park and it came up as a primary gay cruising spot.

This "hooking up" by gays who do not even know each other is disgraceful..there is nothing nice or decent about it...I could see how some intelligent gays might also be disgusted in this behavior. It is as debauched and unpleasant to say the least. Propaganda regarding gay rights and freedoms and how they are a persecuted minority leads most liberals to believe they are all sweet decent gentle creatures....some are just plain horrid and morally depraved.

I know this one mature gay couple who are friends of one of my daughters..they are respectful and I like the fact that they enjoy and buy my art. They are pretty straight as far as the way they live. The are not interested in "gay pride" - nor do they respect the gay urban culture...In fact they loath most gays...Not because they are homosexuals but because they are nasty idiot..who are self centered - self absorbed and are part of a scene that is NOT cool... I don't have a problem with conservative gays..at least they think for themselves..the ones that do not think and resent hetero sexual men and woman - I have use for..gays can be haters too.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-12-2012, 12:59 PM
 
Location: Valley of the Sun
219 posts, read 451,730 times
Reputation: 294
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rlarson21 View Post
Part of me finds sexuality in general to be demeaning and sick.
I dont know if I'd use the words "demeaning" and "sick" but it's definitely weird, stinky. She leaves a big wet spot on the bed, he's got some sort of strange sticky fluid coming from his penis, her poop hole is less than an inch from my tongue.......it's all just kinda gross. That being said I'm going bang the crap out of my wife when I get home while my daughters are at soccer practice.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness > Mental Health
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top