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Old 10-05-2012, 04:45 PM
 
1,615 posts, read 2,287,240 times
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I'm a 35 year old gay guy. I have only been with one guy and that was five years ago. I didn't even come out until age 28 and before this i dated nobody.

I feel uncomfortable with sexuality in general. The gays in my small town are all about hooking up right away and having sex.

Part of me finds sexuality in general to be demeaning and sick. what's weird though is that i like the fact that other guys here think i'm hot but i feel uncomfortable with the idea of actually having sex. I feel better just staying home and looking at porn online and not actually doing it.

but i feel so lonely and i want a romantic/friendship relationship. If sex was a part of that then i would do it. but I just feel so demeaned by the whole process.

I look at porn online but I think it feels demeaning and disgusting that others look at me this way in the raw sense and i have a hard time feeling comfortable with the idea of sex when it actually comes to doing it in real life.

Is there something wrong with me?
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Old 10-05-2012, 05:18 PM
 
14,020 posts, read 14,498,930 times
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Um, not for nothing, but you're overthinking. I really think a good therapist could help you straighten things out.

There is nothing wrong with sexuality. It feels good. So it's a little messy? That's what makes it fun. Why not engage in sex in a safe and consensual way?

I find it very telling that you use porn and find it demeaning, to the point that you are sickened by the idea of having sex with someone else. Sex isn't porn, buddy. Sex is - at its best - an expression of passion and affection between two people (or three or four or whatever, if you're into that, I guess). Your partner, in a loving and committed relationship, is not going to be thinking "Hey, look at that guy who's gonna get me off." He's thinking, "Damn, my guy looks hot and I can't wait to do naughty things WITH him."

You've got a really messed up view of sex, and you're unhappy with your life. It's time to get some help - from somewhere that isn't on your computer.
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Old 10-05-2012, 06:20 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 30,303,905 times
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I am not trying to be rude or mean, but were you ever abused as a child or anything of that nature?
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Old 10-05-2012, 06:25 PM
 
Location: Atlanta & NYC
6,616 posts, read 12,066,391 times
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How are you gay if you find sexuality "sick"?
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Old 10-05-2012, 06:33 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
I am not trying to be rude or mean, but were you ever abused as a child or anything of that nature?
Not sexually but I was bullied to an extremes level for many years.
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Old 10-05-2012, 06:38 PM
 
1,615 posts, read 2,287,240 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ja1myn View Post
How are you gay if you find sexuality "sick"?
Because im romantically and sexually attracted to guy and not girls. But actual sex and sexuality in real life seems disturbing to me and I get irritated when someone looks at me with lust. It feels demeaning like im just a body to be used not a soul or anything spiritual
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Old 10-05-2012, 06:39 PM
 
Location: Atlanta & NYC
6,616 posts, read 12,066,391 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rlarson21 View Post
Because im romantically and sexually attracted to guy and not girls. But actual sex and sexuality in real life seems disturbing to me and I get irritated when someone looks at me with lust. It feels demeaning like im just a body to be used not a soul or anything spiritual
Then I guess you'll have to stick to your hand then. Why's it such a big deal?
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Old 10-05-2012, 06:43 PM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,570 posts, read 11,146,149 times
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My theory is in a state of evolution at present- I am getting to believe and understand that "gay" may have little to do with sex. I would not worry about sexuality at this point- be yourself..and just love people- sex is the drive to reproduce whether you are gay or straight- it is the same life force. It is a powerful force..and becomes manifest in many ways..Your body is saying BREED...the fact that you are attracted to men and your sexuality seems to be diverting away from them might be in the idea you are not as gay as you might want or need to believe..?

I as a very experienced older straight male have matured...I kept one wife for 27 years..had kids..had affairs with other woman...but now...I am experiencing something different..I will not climb into bed with a woman I do not love or find fully attractive- I used to have sex for sex sake...I can't do it anymore...Yes I love the thrill of sex- but I want quality- I want and need love...If I fall in love and the woman falls in love there will be sex...in the mean time I will wait- if it never happens- so be it.
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Old 10-05-2012, 06:53 PM
 
1,615 posts, read 2,287,240 times
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Thanks for your input. I am completely gay and I have never experienced being a heterosexual because I was born gay. You don't turn straight if you are gay or vice versa. Since I've always only been attracted to men I don't understand what you mean by me being not as gay as I thought. Do you mean that im part asexual? I don't think I am because I hai thve sexual thoughts but I think actually doing it is demeaning and gross
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Old 10-05-2012, 06:58 PM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,570 posts, read 11,146,149 times
Reputation: 9331
Quote:
Originally Posted by ja1myn View Post
How are you gay if you find sexuality "sick"?
Maybe that the abuse of sexuality is making this person ill at ease? He watches gay porn as a sexual release..I have seen abusive straight porn- I can imagine that gay porn must be pretty nasty at it's most extreme - this guy sound like he might be bordering on entering the realm of reason. Some forms of sexuality as presented these days is not very pleasant...as he mentioned - In his small town gays hook up and have relations instantly...who would want to live like that- How long could a human being endure such mutual usery for a prolonged period....Maybe there is a thing called gay burn out?
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