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Old 10-08-2012, 01:45 PM
 
396 posts, read 748,730 times
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Thanks for the response, I can tell by the way you talk that your at my end of the game. Most of the groups for this stuff seem to be people at the lower end, or atleast view it as a mental health problem, and not simply a trait.

I`m proud to be what I am, my big conclusion is not that I won`t be like regular people. It`s that regular people will never be like me.

This ability to see things logically and instantly is what I have so much trouble with. Most people even very intelligent people don`t naturally do this.

I can be social in the sense I like to work with people, and can be rather easy to get along with. However I can`t exchange emotions and feelings, I`m very factual when I talk. Even though I can talk about anything, I can never apply emotion to it.

I also have a gift for certain social things as well. I am able to see the big picture, although horrible with the details, can often cut through the feelings and get to the real issues. Why a boss isn`t liked yet is able to keep their job etc. I pic up on narcisstic traits, able to see how people don`t get along etc. Problem is I`m unable to convey this information in a way that people wanna take it.

I treat people fairly, loyal, always nice, accommodating, professional, consistent, tend not to hold bias`s or grudges, value cooperation, and am very honest. All things one should consider as highly sociable traits. And in certain instances they are. So I don`t like the idea I`m socially inept. I am however very poor at conveying feelings, I cannot perceive differences in desires, and am unable to adjust to other peoples needs unable to manipulate and cannot lead people into things that they don`t want.

In short I think I need to re market myself. As a neutral party and be very careful to get this image right.
I wish there was some more info on this, type of stuff.

I think in short I`m highly sociable and not in the least bit charismatic. I`m studying industrial engineering, because I love how it`s about making social activity predictable. You need a great deal of foresight into human behavior which I have.

Anyhow to a address some of your questions.
My family life is great, it`s just I`ve been burdening them with my issues, and have been trying to force them to get me. My brother is AS to, as well as one of my cousins, and the three of us come across as totally different personalities.

My brother is nice and easy to get along but is very much on another planet.
MY cousin is narcisstic and nice, however very much internal.
I`m expressive, dynamic, however I tend to be very opinionated and aggressive at times with family.

My religion story is well I believe in god, but have more of a stoic buddhist way of looking at things. Self control, self regulation and acting morally is the name of the game. However I don`t really get much out of the bible.
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Old 10-08-2012, 09:04 PM
 
Location: I live wherever I am.
1,935 posts, read 3,922,928 times
Reputation: 3263
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikmaq32 View Post
Thanks for the response, I can tell by the way you talk that your at my end of the game. Most of the groups for this stuff seem to be people at the lower end, or atleast view it as a mental health problem, and not simply a trait.
I believe that everyone's condition is simply that... a condition... the way they are.

Today I read an obituary for a teenager from a church I once played for, who had some serious mental "issue" like cerebral palsy or who knows what... either way, he was like a 5'6" toddler.

I don't know why he died, but his obituary was full of positive stuff about how he never developed the cynicism toward life that so many people did... that he remained a joyful "little kid" for all of his 17 years, always finding joy and happiness in the little things such as waking up and discovering that his stuffed Winnie the Pooh was still in bed with him.

From what I saw, his parents believed that he was a joy to live with, and that he was better off than most people by being the way he was... despite how most people would look at him and wonder what his "problem" was.

In high school, I had a friend who was mentally retarded... that was an interesting friendship, for sure... but she wouldn't have traded her brain for mine any day. She used to get on my case frequently for "thinking too much". So, I might look at her and think "thank God I'm not retarded" but she would look at me and think "thank God I'm not really smart". Every "condition" has its positives... so it can't be called a disorder.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mikmaq32 View Post
I`m proud to be what I am, my big conclusion is not that I won`t be like regular people. It`s that regular people will never be like me.
Sad, isn't it? I often say that if everyone else were like me, there'd be a lot less trouble in the world. However, it's not categorically true that "normal" people won't be like you. My wife has often said that, after knowing me, she wishes she had Asperger's. People with Asperger's think so rationally and logically that it can be beautifully simple to other people... almost like "Why didn't I think about that?"

My most recent example of this was how I silenced a teenage student of mine who seems always to get going about how women should wear makeup... three questions later, she was like "uh....... well.... then WHY are guys like this?!" And she's no dummy, either.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mikmaq32 View Post
This ability to see things logically and instantly is what I have so much trouble with. Most people even very intelligent people don`t naturally do this.
YOU don't have trouble with this. OTHER PEOPLE have trouble with this.

You're right. Most other people don't naturally do this. Before I married my wife, I was married for three years to a woman who was very intelligent in a book-smarts way... she graduated magna *** laude from college, so she had to have some brains... but she could never "get" the logical way of thinking and she ultimately rejected all of it. So, yes, raw intelligence has absolutely nothing to do with it.

So, it is upon the shoulders of those of us who CAN think logically, to educate others in that way... by example if not directly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mikmaq32 View Post
I can be social in the sense I like to work with people, and can be rather easy to get along with. However I can`t exchange emotions and feelings, I`m very factual when I talk. Even though I can talk about anything, I can never apply emotion to it.
Not true, my friend. Your initial post, and the subsequent posts, were full of frustration... an emotion if ever there was one. You may not operate, emotionally, the same way most people do... but that doesn't mean you're void of emotion.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mikmaq32 View Post
I also have a gift for certain social things as well. I am able to see the big picture, although horrible with the details, can often cut through the feelings and get to the real issues.
That's exactly like me. Which is why it's a very good thing that I married a woman who is awesome with details. It blows my mind, what she sees. After a gig, she'll be like "Did you notice the woman at the third table from the left in the second row, who was wearing the pink sweater and black slacks? She had blue sparkly shoes, and one of them was missing a buckle!" I'd be like "Well, I remember that there were tables, with people sitting at them....!!"

The ability to cut through the feelings and get to the real issues would make you an AWESOME psychological counselor. You ever thought about that, as a profession?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mikmaq32 View Post
Why a boss isn`t liked yet is able to keep their job etc. I pic up on narcisstic traits, able to see how people don`t get along etc. Problem is I`m unable to convey this information in a way that people wanna take it.
That's because nobody ever wants to take it. That has nothing to do with Asperger's, but for the fact that we feel more strongly about things being "wrong" or "illogical" than normal people do. Normal people are more likely to let things like that "roll off", because they believe there's nothing they'll be able to do about it... and they can get on with their lives like nothing is wrong. People with Asperger's can't do that because.... it's..... just...... WRONG!!!!!!!! We CAN'T live like nothing is wrong when SOMETHING IS WRONG!!!! UGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by mikmaq32 View Post
I treat people fairly, loyal, always nice, accommodating, professional, consistent, tend not to hold bias`s or grudges, value cooperation, and am very honest. All things one should consider as highly sociable traits. And in certain instances they are. So I don`t like the idea I`m socially inept.
You may not be. People with Asperger's don't always have all of the traits. For example, I am very emotionally aware... and most people with Asperger's are not.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mikmaq32 View Post
I am however very poor at conveying feelings,
Not true. See above.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mikmaq32 View Post
I cannot perceive differences in desires,
What do you mean by this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mikmaq32 View Post
and am unable to adjust to other peoples needs unable to manipulate and cannot lead people into things that they don`t want.
You can't manipulate people because you know it's wrong and doesn't make sense. Nobody can truly lead people into things that they don't want.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mikmaq32 View Post
In short I think I need to re market myself. As a neutral party and be very careful to get this image right.
I wish there was some more info on this, type of stuff.
Why? Why not "market" yourself as exactly who you are?

When I grew my hair long at age 23, my mom thought that it was a death sentence for my ability to get a job and my ability to get a girlfriend. The next job I got was at a music studio run by another long-haired musician. The girls I got, all liked long-haired musicians.

The last job I applied for, was the music director job at my church. I applied for this job just a couple of weeks ago. I printed my cover letter on bright yellow paper and wrote in that cover letter that I did that so my application would stand out among the applications as I believe I stand out among the applicants. If that was off-putting, I did print another copy of it on regular white paper so that it was easier to read in case someone had sensitive eyes. But if they decide not to hire me on that basis, they wouldn't like me if they DID hire me.

Market yourself exactly as you are. You may get rejected quite a bit, but would you rather be accepted for who you aren't? You can't keep up an act forever. Get accepted for who you are, and you're set.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mikmaq32 View Post
I think in short I`m highly sociable and not in the least bit charismatic. I`m studying industrial engineering, because I love how it`s about making social activity predictable. You need a great deal of foresight into human behavior which I have.
Human behavior is fascinating when you're different, isn't it? After all, you never notice it if you aren't different. It's sort of like how the smell of cigarette smoke is appallingly disgusting when you're not a smoker, but you never notice it if you do smoke.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mikmaq32 View Post
Anyhow to a address some of your questions.
My family life is great, it`s just I`ve been burdening them with my issues, and have been trying to force them to get me. My brother is AS to, as well as one of my cousins, and the three of us come across as totally different personalities.
What's so bad about your family understanding you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mikmaq32 View Post
My brother is nice and easy to get along but is very much on another planet.
MY cousin is narcisstic and nice, however very much internal.
I`m expressive, dynamic, however I tend to be very opinionated and aggressive at times with family.
So? You're opinionated because you know what does, and does not, make sense. Sounds all right to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mikmaq32 View Post
My religion story is well I believe in god, but have more of a stoic buddhist way of looking at things. Self control, self regulation and acting morally is the name of the game. However I don`t really get much out of the bible.
The Bible is the standard which contains, for example, what self-control means, what to regulate yourself against, and what morals really are. America is going down the tubes because we are no longer of one mind on moral issues... we have devolved into a morally relativistic culture where what's right for one may be wrong for another and we're expected to accept the fact that someone else thinks it's right when we don't... again, extremely illogical.

Feel free to DM me about issues you've had with the Bible. I didn't "get it" in the beginning either and I'd be happy to answer any questions you have.
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Old 10-14-2012, 02:54 PM
 
13,049 posts, read 16,091,162 times
Reputation: 15244
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikmaq32 View Post
Alright real simple, I've decided in the last few days to come to terms with having aspergers. It's a very mild form of autism(atleast for me). Anyhow I'm just trying to come to terms with it, but having a real hard time seeing where I fit in to in this world. My biggest issue is the fact that many of the support groups are for people suffering from severe forms of it, or atleast are overly fixated on the negative side of things.


For me I just want a new sense of direction in my life. I've felt lost lately with no direction, as the idea of being like everyone else has stopped making sense.

In short I want to be inspired.
Hi micmaq32... we are all unique in our own way....The idea of "being like everyone else" never did make sense to me, and I'm glad for that...you have to pick the direction, or path you want to go on in life micmaq, that's the beauty of having a mind of your own.
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Old 01-08-2013, 12:59 AM
 
1 posts, read 795 times
Reputation: 10
Smile Mom of young adult with aspergers

Great hope if you can still reach out. From what I'm learning, my son hasgradually withdrawn but doesn't realize it. Gets kind of verbally confrontational, says we only speak to him when we want him to do something. Spend must of his time in."social"gaming on the computer-usually all night. Has stopped attending his chosen faith (LDS), left college after a couple tries....all these things I have read in other forums...If you are seeking solutions including religious options then you can rejoice. It seems you have not suffered from a paralyzing pathological loss of motivation. I bless you on your journey.
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Old 01-13-2013, 10:53 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,017 posts, read 18,340,268 times
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I have a female cousin who I am convinced has Asperger's but she denies it vehemently. I became convinced of this after reading a description of Asperger's by a Yale psychiatrist; my cousin fit the description uncannily. All her siblings and all my fellow cousins agree with me that the description fits her to a T. She is obsessive (about religion in her case) and is unable to read other people's social and emotional cues. She dresses oddly. She has a bad relationship with all her siblings and all her cousins, but she cannot see that she has a role in this - it is always the other person's fault.

I have long held the opinion that she would be better off admitting to the traits which make it so hard for her to get along with others and to hold a normal job and that such admission would help her understand what is going on in human interactions with neuro-typicals so she would be able to make adjustments and stop being so frustrated by the negative reactions of others. But no, she is just never at fault for anything. She has the absolute certainty of being right at all times about all other people and their motivations, but actually she is wrong about all that because she doesn't understand what is going on. Ah, denial! How strong thou canst be at times! This cousin is now 67 and I don't think she will ever change or develop any insight into herself.

By contrast, I see some posters here who have great insight about themselves and their traits related to Asperger's. Congratulations!
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Old 09-08-2016, 10:26 AM
 
Location: I live wherever I am.
1,935 posts, read 3,922,928 times
Reputation: 3263
This is in response to the cowardly person who left me the following ANONYMOUS reputation comment on a post I had added to this thread almost four years ago (#18):

"I feel sorry for you. Your problems so way past being autistic."

I went back to read the referenced post and discovered that it does not accurately represent the way I am now. I posted that in 2012. A lot can happen in four years.

For me, the past four years have seen me renounce Christianity completely. The guy who talked so much about God in post #18 now believes that this god cannot possibly exist. Furthermore, I have discovered through reasoning that homosexuality cannot possibly be a choice. When I was a Christian, I said that homosexuality was a choice because the Christian bible said it was sin and therefore, logically, it had to be a choice. But the truth is, deep down, I always thought it was crazy to say homosexuality was a choice, because - who would choose it if it were? My taste in big women was never a choice - I tried to change it for a long time and couldn't - so it goes with homosexuals. I actually queried a bunch of them in late 2012 about their history and they all said the same thing - "I tried really hard to be straight, it never worked, eventually I decided to date people in my own gender and I'm so much happier for it" - sounded like me with fat women.

I apologize to anyone who was misled by the information I disseminated in 2012. I have learned since then that I held a mistaken worldview in those days. Remember, the true evidence of intelligence is not sticking obstinately to your beliefs, no matter how well-formed you think they are - it is willingness and ability to change your mind in the face of superior information and evidence regardless of how you feel about that information and evidence.

I didn't WANT to renounce Christianity. I HAD to. The evidence against it eventually proved overwhelming.

That's part of what it's like to have Asperger's. You just can't disavow logic.

Another thing I have discovered in the past four years is that the main reason why people like us end up suffering is because of the system in which we live. Put simply, people with Asperger's are dangerous to the "powers that be". We're unusually intelligent and unusually logical - and there's no place for that in today's system because it would expose the sham that the system really is. Our condition is called a "disorder" because the people who own this country want everyone to be ignorant drones who work for them and don't raise a ruckus about much of anything. The normal people are "disabled" compared to us, but we're the ones marked "disabled" because the owners of this country want all of the people of lesser ability and intellectual propensity to remain in that state of being. Put simply, if we all "got smart", we'd overthrow and bankrupt the owners of this country and take it back, changing the system to one that serves everyone instead of just the rich and powerful.
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Old 09-08-2016, 12:02 PM
 
Location: not normal, IL
776 posts, read 424,015 times
Reputation: 917
First, you may be educated but get tested, or if you can't afford it talk to some more people who are. I am HF autist and there is a very big difference from that and Asperger's. We have a lot in common but very different behaviors and idea's of happiness. If you want in a support groups many require you to get a diagnosis first to protect those in the group, there are some sick people out there. Second, I traveled more than half the country looking for a "Autistic Utopia" and haven't found one. The sad truth is either many people are diagnosis wrong or autistic people are more similar to NT's than I thought. My thoughts are that you should travel to get some outside experience and from that you will get your education and find out what you like. As for that feeling of being lost, I have felt it too. Like many other autistics I went to college, got a degree, went out in the work force only to find out that our issues either "give us away" or we simply can't deal with the issues we are confronted with. This, and making friends, are a major reason to go to support groups.

Last edited by Nothere1; 09-08-2016 at 12:27 PM..
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Old 09-08-2016, 12:10 PM
 
Location: not normal, IL
776 posts, read 424,015 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
This is an unpopular perspective (especially with parents whose children have been diagnosed with "Asperger's." but I believe it is a totally made up malady, as are most non-contagious "diseases" in the DSM. It's just a bunch of random symptoms that now has an "official" label, so drugs can be prescribed and doctors and drug companies can get rich.

I think American people, in general, are just super naive in the respect that they don't seem to question authority.

Since your diagnosis is self-prescribed, I can't even imagine your motive.

Wouldn't it be more fun to think of yourself as something positive, like an artist or something? Why MUST you BE a "disease?"
I think too many people are self diagnosed an that is why this is confusing. The simple fact is many of these traits all hinge from the same pivot point. We stress the spectrum side of this to show the severity of this IMPARMENT. I often get angry as a high functioning autistic to see other high functioning autistics get funding and aid over the ones lower on the spectrum.
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Old 09-08-2016, 12:26 PM
 
Location: not normal, IL
776 posts, read 424,015 times
Reputation: 917
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neemy View Post
Here we go, again... Big Pharm conspiracy theory in another thread.

There are no drugs to "cure" Asperger's or any spectrum disorders. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

As of the DSM V, "Aspergers Syndrome" will no longer be a disorder in and of itself, and will instead fall under the umbrella of "autism spectrum disorders". I'm very interested to see how many people will self-diagnose themselves "(High Functioning) Autistic", because the name "Autism" is unfortunately still very much stigmatized, while "Aspergers" is glorified. Ignorance abounds. Aspergers IS Autism, and, personally, I'm glad to see the change in the DSM. Right now, everybody and his brother claims to have Aspergers, and it's getting ridiculous. Almost anyone can identify with at least a few of the defining traits of Aspergers. I know I can. I hold no claim to having Aspergers, because I can also relate to any other "disorder" in the DSM. Just open the book to any page, and *boom* there you go. I'll fit the some of the criteria of "x" disorder, whatever page is open. We all will.

My son has Aspergers, but that's just one form of the Spectrum. He is AUTISTIC.
It is caused by the same issues but is not the same. This was confusing me for the longest time but I was finally set straight and it made so much sense. Aspies are more geared to language and musical stuff. Autistics are geared toward math and mechanical things. Aspies can sing and dance in front of people where autistics are much more reserved. I like that they placed them in the same category, because people can be anywhere on the specrum but I believe there are two different spectrums. By the way, this is not my own opinion but the opinion of 50 other autistic adults.
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Old 09-15-2016, 01:32 AM
 
Location: Seattle,WA
1,819 posts, read 2,183,321 times
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Here in Seattle we have great support groups for people with high functioning aspergers. I attend 2 great aspergers support groups.
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