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Old 10-28-2012, 03:40 PM
 
Location: Washington D.C.
555 posts, read 996,208 times
Reputation: 774

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I just want other people's opinions on what exactly they consider information a secret. To me, there are so many different things that can and cannot constitute exactly what a secret is, if withholding this information is only through shame and fear or is it that people can just have information that no one does not necessarily need to know.
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Old 10-29-2012, 10:03 AM
 
4,762 posts, read 11,673,603 times
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Something interesting... I like to read non-fiction books about anything and everything. Some of those books are on history and discuss government secrets. In quite a few cases, the U.S. had "secrets" and EVERY other government in the world knew all about these secrets, yet the U.S. government continued to keep these things secret. The only ones they were keeping the secret from was the people in the U.S.!

So far as people and relationships go...

Many people hide things or keep things secret they consider to be embarrassing. Or maybe something they did which could get them in trouble with a loved one. Like I have a friend who can't read or write very well. He hides this from people. Someone else may have cheated on his wife and keeps that a secret. If someone went to jail, they might keep that a secret.

And other times someone may be modest - not want to advertise all their successes and accomplishments. Or that they have a lot of money. Doing so might make other people who are less fortunate feel bad.

Or keeping certain things secret might be done to protect someone else. Like with parents and kids. A parent may have nasty financial, legal, or medical problems and does not want to burden the kids with these worries.

Then the small town / "grapevine" thing. With some groups of people, if you tell one person something, then the whole town knows all about it with a quickness. That could be anything they don't want the whole town to know about. Even good things - maybe they don't want a bunch of attention?

Back to government things... The idea of "Need to know" limits the number of people who know about something. Then that better assures protection of the secret. Or you could easily find out who "leaked" a secret like if only two or three people knew about something. With personal things, if you only tell one person something, then later find that the whole town knows, well easy to determine that the other person is a blabber mouth!
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Old 10-29-2012, 11:00 AM
 
Location: Washington D.C.
555 posts, read 996,208 times
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I love u for that explanation! OK that is putting things in perspective for me. I have consistently had a problem with distinguishing between privacy and secrets. We are all entitled to out own personal privacy even from family and lovers. But you helped me a lot with your explanation.
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Old 10-29-2012, 11:12 AM
 
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Ok, so now with that said, so far as relationships with a lover (and close friends) go, I feel it is best to NOT have any secrets or few secrets.

"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still likes you!"

Anyway it is best for relationships to tell the other person your likes, dislikes, and feelings about various things. Say "I don't like it when you do this", "I like it when you do that", etc.

Communication between people in a relationship makes for a LONG lasting relationship.

And this winds up making "little things" go smoother. Like if you tell the other person you don't like a certain food, then they can avoid cooking that. Etc. It is little things like that which will break up a relationship. Listen to what some married people fight about for example!
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Old 10-29-2012, 05:12 PM
 
Location: Washington D.C.
555 posts, read 996,208 times
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ok ok. I had problems with the little things
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Old 10-29-2012, 05:21 PM
 
Location: Windham County, VT
10,704 posts, read 5,184,646 times
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Recent thread (in Non-romantic relationships section) on similar issue-
//www.city-data.com/forum/non-r...ng-secret.html
My comment-
//www.city-data.com/forum/26400290-post5.html
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Old 10-30-2012, 11:43 AM
 
Location: Fredericksburg, Va
5,226 posts, read 13,853,379 times
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If someone tells you, "This is a secret"...that means, DON'T TELL ANYONE! Because...it's a SECRET!
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Old 10-30-2012, 01:27 PM
 
Location: USA
1,589 posts, read 1,798,062 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sbyman View Post
I just want other people's opinions on what exactly they consider information a secret. To me, there are so many different things that can and cannot constitute exactly what a secret is, if withholding this information is only through shame and fear or is it that people can just have information that no one does not necessarily need to know.
A secret is something that someone doesn't want someone else to know. So they keep that information to themselves.

There is usually a reason why someone would not someone else to know the information: it usually means that this information (if known by the other party) would cause discomfort to either the speaker or the listener.
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Old 10-30-2012, 03:45 PM
 
Location: FL
1,727 posts, read 2,243,080 times
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I've often pondered where is the line between being secretive and just being private.

Not everything is everyone's business. There are some really nosy people out there who ask some very direct and intrusive questions. Then, you are left with a choice between coming across as rude "sorry, that's really none of your business" or lying or being evasive.

The topic strikes a nerve with me, because I do tend to be a private person surrounded by nosy, opinionated people.

Great topic.
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Old 10-31-2012, 09:51 AM
 
4,762 posts, read 11,673,603 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by looking4answers12 View Post
I've often pondered where is the line between being secretive and just being private.

Not everything is everyone's business. There are some really nosy people out there who ask some very direct and intrusive questions. Then, you are left with a choice between coming across as rude "sorry, that's really none of your business" or lying or being evasive.

The topic strikes a nerve with me, because I do tend to be a private person surrounded by nosy, opinionated people.
There are many times I don't tell other people certain things or "lie". Like in the 1980's, I knew all about computers. If I were to tell people I met I knew about computers, they would ALWAYS want me to fix or install something on their computer. Or would want to talk about it. Well that was work and I wanted to talk about something else!

So I lied and told them I did some other line of work.

Other times there may be things which have no need to be secret or private, but if I tell another person about it, then they want to know all about it. Then I have to go into a LONG story / explanation. So I just don't mention it. (Some other time if I feel like talking and have plenty of time, then I might mention it.)
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