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Old 10-31-2012, 02:32 AM
1,020 posts, read 2,924,341 times
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It seems to me that's whats bothering me and my mom most of the time, long story short she did way too much for her siblings and their kids to a point where they dont appreciate, and talk smack back. she basically spent her life savings on them, while not spending on me or herself while I was growing up, and we lived poorly only for her siblings to just take advantage, and then the siblings wife yelled at me and my mom, when if it wasnt for my mom, they would probably be struggling way worse than now. I just believe helping someone is good, but not to a point where its too much. I wanted a sibling badly when I was small, and because of my mom caring too much for her siblings, she stopped at 1 kid because it was either support her family or her kids. I know, it was stupid of her.

and then I talk to my other friends, it really seems that family problems are a major thing in almost everyone, Im a single child and my best friend in high school had 4 siblings, we spent time sleeping over at my place and his, I wished I had siblings back then, but now when I hear about him, he doesnt talk to any one of his siblings and they wont talk for life, it has gotten that deep to a point where I feel lucky that I am the only child. I guess the grass is greener on the other side

whats your take guys? just dont think about it? I cant sleep pretty much everyday because i think of family issues, the more i get older the more it makes sense about my familys past and what happened. also, what kind of family problems that you guys had that you had to deal with and successfully did so? this stuff is eating me alive, everytime i close my eyes i see my uncles wife yelling at me, but without me and my moms sacrifice she would not even be here.
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Old 10-31-2012, 09:38 AM
4,762 posts, read 11,682,091 times
Reputation: 7878
Well so far as your mom helping others when she could not afford to do so, that is not right. Charity begins at home.

But with myself being a giving person and sometimes helping others I care for, I understand why she would do that. It is difficult to not help someone else when you are in a position to do so.

What I do that helps me is I have a rule... If all my bills are paid, all my credit cards are paid, and I have taken care of all MY needs, THEN I will help others. And only then! But it is not easy to say no sometimes.

Also other people manage their finances poorly. They may go out and buy beer, a new TV, and other non-essential things. Then not have enough money to pay their rent. They get NO help from me! They "made their bed", they can lay in it.

But back to your mom, all YOU can do is suggest she not do that. The next time she thinks about helping them, point out how ungrateful they are, etc. THAT IS ALL YOU CAN DO! If she does not follow your advice, then nothing more you can do about it, so forget about it, go have fun and don't worry about something you can't do anything about. You have done all you can!

And same with anything else. Just do your best, do what you can do, and that is all anyone can expect. Nothing more to be done, so no point in worrying.

So far as having your own brother/sister, just make your friend your "adopted brother" in your mind!

I know lots of people who think of one special friend like a brother or sister. Or someone else like a mom or dad. Quite common!

Anyway don't worry about things you can't change. Go have some fun!
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Old 10-31-2012, 10:25 AM
Location: Kansas
19,184 posts, read 15,752,261 times
Reputation: 18313
OP, are you a minor? That sort of makes a difference. If you are, I would talk with a counselor at school and if not, I would consider talking with a counselor at a mental health clinic in your area. As a minor, your mother should have been meeting your needs before those of her siblings.

Your mother is making a choice to be taken advantage of and unfortunately, it is impacting on you.
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Old 11-03-2012, 08:00 PM
Location: FL
1,727 posts, read 2,244,087 times
Reputation: 1047
Yes, we can be affeced deeply by our family problems. I have been also.
I guess that's why we get to pick our friends! Since we don't get to choose our families.

It's easy to second guess past choices. I'm sure your mother had good intentions. Were her siblings younger? Did they lose a parent and she felt responsible for them? Whatever her reasons, perhaps she should have put her child first, but I am guessing she was trying to balance things as best as she could.

You are right about the grass always being greener. People who are only children wish they had brothers and sisters. People with brothers and sisters often wish for more privacy, among other things.

I love my brothers and sisters, but some of them have also caused me plenty of pain and heartbreak.

I'm sorry that you lose sleep over family. I guess I have too, sometimes. But mostly I try to remind myself that I am doing the best I can. I can't live for other people. I try to be a good person and help where I can, but I am not willing to be a martyr for people who don't appreciate me.

I do what I can, but I have my limits. I recommend you and your mother try to set some limits and start taking care of yourself better, if possible.

You can't control the choices that your mother makes, but you can control yourself and how you choose to do things.

I hope you find some relief from your worries about family.
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Old 11-06-2012, 01:00 PM
13,051 posts, read 16,104,079 times
Reputation: 15249
civic94... be happy that you have a mom that loves you...don't hold it against her for loving her family, and wanting to help out any way she could...You see the injustice in the way they treat her, don't do the same because you feel bitter over her life choices...you should really try not to dwell on the past, she probably did what she thought was right, and just, all the more reason to love her..dwelling on what coulda/shoulda/woulda happened is a waste of thought, and as you've found, just leads to anguish and heartache...more importantly let your mama see by your actions that she has raised a happy and caring individual. That, more than anything else will make her feel proud, and maybe the hurt she feels from her ungrateful relatives will seem less...for her...and for you.
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