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But, this guy made me his entire world and relied on me for constant reassurance, validation, and happiness. That was just one of the reasons we broke up - it was so smothering and stressful for someone to depend on you emotionally like that. And now that I'm gone, he is utterly lost. Not because I'm so special and amazing, but because he is so filled with self-loathing that he can't deal with the rejection and the fact that he no longer has someone to validate him every day. It's actually a really sad thing.
I've experienced this before. When they start looking to you as their only source of daily reassurance, its a slippery slope. It's difficult to break it off with someone you know relies on you to fulfill all their emotional needs.
Loss of a significant other is just another life event, and any such event can act as a trigger for suicide. It may be the trigger or proximal provocation for suicide even though root causes invariably run deeper. I do not agree with those who feel it's rare, at least not as a proximal cause. I think it's probably one of the more common provocations.
Suicide requires a high level of existential pain coupled with no significant hope of ever alleviating it. There are few pains as intense as the loss of someone you've pair-bonded to, and for someone who is already vulnerable because other aspects of their life are not going well, a relationship that's unilaterally terminated, especially abruptly and harshly, is a dangerous thing.
Suicide requires a high level of existential pain coupled with no significant hope of ever alleviating it. There are few pains as intense as the loss of someone you've pair-bonded to, and for someone who is already vulnerable because other aspects of their life are not going well, a relationship that's unilaterally terminated, especially abruptly and harshly, is a dangerous thing.
I agree. It is not one thing. It is a compendium of things which accumulate. Just the other day, my homepage featured the loss of Aaron Swartz at age 26. I had to read up on who he was. He didn't find Stanford challenging enough. That's how smart he was. However, he had his plate full in other ways.
I agree. It is not one thing. It is a compendium of things which accumulate. Just the other day, my homepage featured the loss of Aaron Swartz at age 26. I had to read up on who he was. He didn't find Stanford challenging enough. That's how smart he was. However, he had his plate full in other ways.
Swartz thought he was going to the Big House, or at least that he was going to be in legal entanglements forever. I can tell you as a software developer that what he did, while unwise, was not illegal. It's my understanding that he had been given access to the data, he just used it in ways they didn't expect and he was just young and arrogant enough not to ask ... probably figured it's easier to get forgiveness than permission. In this case he was wrong. He was also betrayed by people whom he thought had his back. So again, his legal problem was proximate, but he probably had deeper issues. I have no idea what they were, but sometimes really brilliant people are used to a smooth ride and don't handle reality checks well.
To the point of the OP, I think relationship failure serves as a trigger for despair as often as anything, if not more so ... but objectively there are few single events that can push people to suicide (other than the "cry for help" kind of attempts that seem so ill thought out they're designed to fail) and I think it's usually pushing someone who is hurting already ... sort of a straw that breaks the camel's back.
...my homepage featured the loss of Aaron Swartz at age 26. I had to read up on who he was. He didn't find Stanford challenging enough. That's how smart he was. However, he had his plate full in other ways.
Schwartz suffered from clinical depression for years. There are many pathways to suicide, but one does not take his or her life without suffering from an underlying clinical depression, whether formally diagnosed or not.
Last edited by CA4Now; 01-14-2013 at 08:07 PM..
Reason: wrong verb
"Normal?" Why knows. I do know it's common.
I think the loss of a significant relationship, to a person already with depression or self-esteem issues, can be a pain so great that the person doesn't have any sense that s/he can get through it, or that it will change, or even if it would change, it's too painful RIGHT NOW. I'll take a chance and say that I think, in general, being dumped is more painful than losing the person to death- after all, being dumped means they didn't want you anymore, whereas dying isn't a choice.
I think there can be a flavor of spite if one kills oneself after a breakup. I had a boyfriend once who said if I broke up with him, he'd kill himself, and I said I hoped he wouldn't do that, but it was up to him. (P.S. He didn't).
Now, a parent losing a child, I have no experience or understanding. I think that pain is different from the pain of rejection, and I don't think the grieving parent need have existing depression to feel searing pain (although, again, most grieve and suffer, and don't commit suicide).
Depression can be a lethal illness. If only that was better known.
Combine loss of your significant other with unemployment and feeling like there are no career prospects despite your level of ambition, dreams, and education, and there you have it. 2 major traumatic life events intersecting. It was the perfect storm for me 4 years ago.
I know it's probably pretty rare, of course, but it seems both in fiction and real life people have killed themselves because of lost love, perhaps they've been rejected, or their SO has died or something. I've never experienced this, but it must be pretty bad if it can drive someone to suicide. It also makes me think they probably invest too much of themselves in that person.
How common is it to have suicidal thoughts because of another? Maybe it's an aspect of human behaviour I find strange, but it is what it is.
I would say that I think that out of all the suicides each year, a good portion of them would be related to a loss of some kind with another person. I would also guess that these type suicides are probably very impulsive, like a teen who breaks up with their first love and they flip out and kill themselves. Some people cannot cope with the loss of someone they love, be it a parent, SO etc.
I think it is abnormal to even contemplate suicide, no matter what the reason.
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