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something just tells me that she has someone. i keep hearing "you went out to dinner" and "what restaurant are you going to next week?" and "don't pass that up"(meaning something was offered to her that only comes once in a lifetime) spoken to her by my office friend. maybe it's casual but maybe the guy is pushing for something more permanent. who knows maybe it's business
Quite simply, you have a major crush on someone...so ask her out or forever hold your tongue.
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Originally Posted by rlrl
I am a single 51 year old male, professional, and I have recently fallen hard for a 58 year old woman who i work with (she is a professional too). Part of the reason i fell for her is because I know she is single too.
As a man who has been devoted to helping others (like she is too) I have some good insight into this problem but im at the point where I have to get some help as i can no longer help myself or manage this problem on my own
I have lived on my own for many years (I believe she has too). my mom passed away in 2011 and my dad passed in 2008.
A co-worker who i am close with told me i have always remained stoic about the deaths of my folks. I myself wonder with an intense attraction to a woman who is 8 years older than me , is this normal or does it instead have to do with the loss of my mom and grieving? I don't know what to make of it. This woman i am attracted to is a Nurse Practitioner and has a very nurturant persona and has a very responsible position at my company (like i do but in a different kind of way). she is also extremely attractive and i have both seen overt flirting on the part of other workers and heard stories where at least one married guy wanted to date her and i heard something to the effect that she doesn't go out with married guys and only likes younger guys
I know for sure she likes me personally and a friend of mine said it sounded like she has perhaps made overtures to me in the past but i kind of just avoided them for reasons im unclear about. well maybe i do know, but maybe the best thing i can say is that i always feel uneasy with ladies at the office and letting them know i am interested. it's kind of taboo and can get you into trouble, or maybe not, but i just am not an aggressive man put it that way
about a year after my mom passed i was diagnosed with a cancerous melanoma, i had surgery and a biopsy and i am currently cancer free. everything went very smoothly and i was back to work within days. everything was going great up until mid December. i saw a tall handsome man in her office (a drug representative) and i started to feel uneasy and defensive. a few days later i was sitting at my computer and all of a sudden she popped into my head and i have been unable to think of anybody else since.
i am losing weight because my gut is all tied up in knots. ive lost 15-20 lbs. when she comes to work i get all anxious that i am going to hear if she is in a relationship. i dread Valentine's Day approaching because i might learn that she has someone. last year i was attracted to her too, but not like i am now, so i didn't care about Valentine's Day or whether or not she had a man in her life
so i don't know if i have developed a chemical imbalance at my age and need medication (prior to my falling for her i was quite content). i don't think Cognitive behavioral therapy can help me with this. I don't know, maybe i can benefit from some type of addiction group that has to do with love addiction. or maybe if this is unrealized grief over my mom's death maybe i should go to a grief support group? do i need a psychiatrist?
ive never been suicidal and am not now but the longing and sadness is just overwhelming. and yes i notice i miss my folks especially since i have fallen for this woman.
what does this sound like to you? i have had this since about 12/15 and it hasn't gotten any better.
Well maybe, but couldn't you just ask your office friend to find out for certain her status? Just because she is dating some guy doesn't mean you are out of the running either. You haven't made any moves at all and a girl can't wait forever.
Well maybe, but couldn't you just ask your office friend to find out for certain her status? Just because she is dating some guy doesn't mean you are out of the running either. You haven't made any moves at all and a girl can't wait forever.
for real! I've told him this over and again. It is not as difficult as he is making it.
I worked with a guy once and turned out he had a crush on me which I didn't know about until.............he began leaving flowers on my desk, funny or cute cards, candy.........it was adorable. I ended up going out with him for a bit. Had lots of fun dates. Turned out we were more suited to be friends but at least he romanced me and let me know his feelings.
Dang dude-go for it.
she is also taking the 13th off in addition to the 14th. i mean is it possible maybe she wants to be with one of her kids or her siblings for Valentines? just seems that anybody who plans to be off (esp 2 weeks in advance) on 2/14 has major plans. she may be dating but if she is celebrating Valentines Day with him it could be serious. in fact 2 days sounds like B&B plans.
this could be what she was talking about with our office friend about not turning down an offer. she's an extremely good looking 58 year old woman(not a young girl). she never ever discusses her personal life and the only way to hear about it is if you hang out with her and our work friends or they talk behind closed doors. im just obsessed with her and i need to break it
this could be what she was talking about with our office friend about not turning down an offer. she's an extremely good looking 58 year old woman(not a young girl). she never ever discusses her personal life and the only way to hear about it is if you hang out with her and our work friends or they talk behind closed doors. im just obsessed with her and i need to break it
check it out--you need to man up and ask this chick out or stop acting like her stalker and just back off. Really-enough!
funny you say that. one of our patients has been saying that this woman likes me. i mean the patient is a psych patient but she has been saying this on numerous occasions so maybe there is something to it? I don't know. can a psychiatric patient pick up accurately on these things? how could this patient notice that the nurse likes me, if she did?
Absolutely they can hit stuff like that right on and have more time to watch the signals. I've met some psych patients who were empaths.
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Originally Posted by rlrl
her niece works with her as an assistant. i have nightmares of being rejected by her and the niece and everyone else finding out about it
Let's play worst case scenario: what you fear most happens. It gets a few titters out of the women in the office and the niece continues to tease you for a couple of weeks at most and then it dies down and unless she's cruel, it's probably more cute than painful. This is major in your world but minor in everyone else's.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rlrl
in the past she has made reference to someone who is "my friend". this was before i actually fell for her. she didn't mention this friend a lot but i assume it is a man. around new years day i overheard my work friend saying something to her along the lines of "so you went out to dinner" i guess for new years eve. tho i do know she is single i have no idea about her relationship status if she dates casually or has someone more serious. is it possible for a 58 year old woman to refer to a boyfriend as a "friend" or would she just say boyfriend? could it be saying boyfriend at that age is a little awkward so she just calls him friend?
this is something a friend advised me to check out first, to find out her relationship status first and that is going to be difficult or impossible. i could ask one of the people i am close with if they know if she is in a relationship but that may not be such a good idea because word could get back to her that i asked.
Mmm, two things--I'm 53 and have a friend I go out to dinner with occasionally and he is just that--a friend. He started as a date but there was no chemistry. I also have other male friends but this one looks like a date to everyone else but us.
The other thing is, if it gets out, so what? Either everyone already knows you're crazy about her or they don't know and don't care but they're only going to give you trouble if you won't leave the woman alone and I don't think you're like that.
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Originally Posted by gvlgal
I would avoid getting into a relationship with a coworker, especially one that may be in a higher position. It can cause a myriad of problems and could jeopardize one or both of your jobs. If it doesn't work out, it would be awkward to have to continue to work with the person later. I'm not saying it couldn't work, but it might be better if you worked in different departments or on different shifts to keep the work environment professional.
I know this is the standard wisdom but the majority of couples have met at work. So many people cut themselves off from potential loves of their life b/c they have all these rules about who they will and won't date. Obviously it's not a good idea to sleep around the office though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rlrl
something just tells me that she has someone. i keep hearing "you went out to dinner" and "what restaurant are you going to next week?" and "don't pass that up"(meaning something was offered to her that only comes once in a lifetime) spoken to her by my office friend. maybe it's casual but maybe the guy is pushing for something more permanent. who knows maybe it's business
OK, second worst case scenario: she is dating someone. But is she in love with him? Maybe she's just dating him b/c the man she most wants to go out with hasn't asked her and she's not even sure if he's interested b/c he hasn't asked her out and won't look her in the eye. Maybe she went out with some rich dude (don't pass that up) but he was a douche. You're a man--don't even try to make sense of the office talk b/c men are phenomenally bad at that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rlrl
this could be what she was talking about with our office friend about not turning down an offer. she's an extremely good looking 58 year old woman(not a young girl). she never ever discusses her personal life and the only way to hear about it is if you hang out with her and our work friends or they talk behind closed doors. im just obsessed with her and i need to break it
And the best way to do that is to ask her b/c then you'll have your answer. Best case scenario--she's crazy about you too but thought you didn't like her. Worst case is she says no but at least you know and can move on instead of thinking about it all the time. Give the niece the hairy eyeball if she teases you.
Did it ever occur to you that if nothing else she will be extremely flattered to know that you're crushing on her? What are you--8 yrs her junior? Most men go after the hot young things and it's nice to know if men still find us attractive. It's not like you're 13 and she's 21!
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