Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have been in a live-in relationship with a man for 9 years. We split up just before Thanksgiving - one week exactly before our 9 year anniversary. I found out that he was seeing a woman at work. I've posted about it in the Relationship section of C-D. I moved away (out of state) and am terribly lonely (even though I live with my daughter, temporarily), but I've been wondering about my ex.
I'll try to make this short. He lied to me. He lied to the other woman. When I was still living there, he was gone most of the time during the last month or two. He never came in looking like whatever he was doing was making him happy. He even told me that he was "going through something", he "didn't understand what was going on", and he "wasn't happy with himself". He has told me that he is sorry, that he still loves me, that he'd like to be able to straighten himself out to be a better person, and that maybe we could re-kindle some day.
I was told to just dump him. I must admit that I am still getting over him. I've been talking to him onoccasion. There are still some loose ends, and being able to talk to each other without anger makes it easier to deal with the loose ends, if nothing else.
Anyway, my concern comes in, because when I talk to him on the phone, he never seems happy. Not even since I've been gone. He wanted to "be on his own" and now that he is, he sounds miserable. Maybe he sounds miserable, because he's talking to me. At any rate, his thinking seems to be . . . scattered. I suppose it could have been before and I didn't notice. It's just that he seems like he's not able to juggle going out like the young guys do (even though he's trying) with going home and taking care of cooking his own food and paying his bills. It's like everything has fallen at the wayside.
Maybe he's just trying to be Mr. Goodtime and it isn't working. I'm just worried. He just isn't like he used to be. He can go through such emotional swings. (I go through emotional swings, too, but I wasn't the one asking for all of this to happen.) He will be very lonely and depressed one time we talk and the next time we talk, he is cold and distant.
Well I sure as hell wouldn't be worrying about someone that had so little respect they cheated on me after many years together. Ever think he might be trying to keep the door open, so he tries to gain your sympathy? These days they have that term, friends with benefits (which I find vulgar) anyway, maybe he is thinking if he seems down and needy, you will keep communications going and at some point maybe he can see you again. Yes, so sad he has to cook his own meals and paying his own bills. He had someone for almost 9 years but he obviously did not value that relationship. Now he has no one to do for him, he is depressed. He gets no sympathy from me. There is no way in hell I would ever go back with someone that cheated on me. It's a knife in the back to the one that was always there with love and support. I just would never be able to trust their word again. Finish up whatever loose ends you have and stop talking to him. You won't be able to take steps forward and you will do more thinking when you are feeling lonely if you leave the door open. Good Luck.
I would move on. The guy cheated on you repeatedly. He had no respect for you or your relationship. There's no future here. Just more of the same. Cheaters don't change.
He is not your problem - he's whining because he has to cook for himself and pay his own bills- oh, please, time for him to grow up. Don't buy into nonsense.
There is no need for you to keep talking to him. Yes, you invested nine in years in him---- and it came to nothing. Nine years where all he did was use you- to cook, take care of his bills, keep house, give him sex, while he went out and cheated as often and with as many as he liked. Some great relationship- for him. How many more years do you want to throw away trying to cling to this guy ?
Let it go and look for someone who can commit to you and be serious. It doesn't take nine years to know if someone is " the one". Make a clean break and be done with this fool.
It is perfectly OK to care about and help an ex. Just because you break-up with someone, that does not mean you don't care about them!
If you feel like helping him, then do so. It is good to be a giving kind helpful person. He may not return the favor, but what goes around, comes around. Good Karma, etc.
Thanks everyone. I appreciate the input. I still have a lot of disappointment and hurt rolling around inside. I'll keep what each of you has told me . . . rolling around inside, too.
It is perfectly OK to care about and help an ex. Just because you break-up with someone, that does not mean you don't care about them!
If you feel like helping him, then do so. It is good to be a giving kind helpful person. He may not return the favor, but what goes around, comes around. Good Karma, etc.
After a 35 year marriage I still help out my Ex some. I want her comfortable.
After years together you'll always have some connection. Mine is good memories, 2 kids, etc.
There are different situations of course and people deal with it differently too. But as far I'm concerned especially if the ex betrayed the trust you had in them its simply being foolish to lend them a hand. Its as if they are still playing you for a fool. My ex would have let me give and give even more had I offered, despite her cheating on me, getting pregnant while overseas in her home country, and dumping me by email. Doing the right thing, ya I did that, above and beyond all the time. Taking care of her mom overseas so she had a better place than ever before in her life, helping others in her family. Compassion and consideration I had, but it needs to go both ways. She would have continued to take even after she dumped me. How can you get over someone that deeply hurt you when you keep the communications open. If one wants and hopes for the relationship to begin again, I can see that, but in all other cases it simply keeps the wounds fresh and bloody.
That what goes around comes around is a load of rubbish. Read the papers. People that are takers, only take, they do not give. People that are kind and expect kindness back often get a rude awakening. I try to be kind and compassionate to others but no one likes being used and played for a fool. My ex was looking for another victim not long after dumping me. Will she get hers or will she just ruin another guys life and move on. Well I hope she gets hers, but realistically life does not work that way. Those that are the most vile and evil are running this world, they live well and step on everyone. Maybe they will get theirs in the afterlife, but most don't get what they deserve on this side.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I still have a lot of disappointment and hurt rolling around inside. I'll keep what each of you has told me . . . rolling around inside, too.
