How to stop comparing yourself to others?

[lil_fox13]

Avoid everybody that are bringing you down. Even if those people are not judging you. Avoid people that brag. Stop looking through Facebook, etc etc...
Focus on your family. You do not need to be under a lot of pressure trying to impress everyone.Why would you want to impress someone who does not really matter? Who cares what everyone else has? They might lose tomorrow, you never know.
Be grateful for what you have. Set goals, team up with your hubby and remember, you are still young and have your entire life ahead of you. If you two have made it though so far, you have the most important thing- LOVE. Enjoy it. And that is a LOT to be jealous of. Some people would kill for that.

[bongo]

Originally Posted by NJ2?

Does anyone else go through this?

My recommendation is to make a list of all the positives in your life:

1. You have a secure teaching job

2. Your health

3. Your husband's health

4. the ability to live with family while putting hubby through school

5. supportive family

6. etc.

7. etc.

Focus upon those.

Use an "I" statement with friends/family who keep asking when you'll buy a house, why you haven't started a family...etc.

" I feel hurt when you keep reminding me that I haven't started a family or bought a home and I would like you to stop. Thank you."

Then if they refuse, find some new friends!

Or perhaps you just perceive that you are being judged. Those folks probably have plenty of their own personal issues of which you aren't even aware. From afar, they may LOOK like they have it together. Yet many of them are up to their eyeballs in credit card debt to decorate home, house payments, 2nd or 3rd mortgages, property taxes, insurance, etc.

Think positive! You have a supportive family who in the future may be likewise supportive when you & hubby do start a family.

When you start that IF ONLY thinking (If only I had trained for a different career... If only I had married a rich guy... If only...If only) give yourself a signal to STOP that defeatist thinking.

Also, perhaps it's not so black & white, not such a dichotomy as live with parents/buy own home. Perhaps you could rent your own small place on your teacher's salary, if you want private space.

Best of luck to you, NJ2!

[smpliving]

Originally Posted by civic94

the problem with comparing, is that its very easy to do, i do it sometimes. the thing is, once you got up to that level of whoever you are comparing with, now you will compare with even higher folks, since by that time, your husband and your jobs are better, and your co workers now might have a even bigger house, and so on. it never ends, the person has to change the way they think.

This is so very very true. I've had the same issues of comparing myself to others and feeling I hadn't accomplished things I had always wanted for my life. Then I got into the medical field and became exposed daily to people facing terrible physically/mentally traumatic life-altering situations, sexual abuse/exploitation, disabled babies, drug abuse, cancer, etc ... and I began to realize how VERY fortunate I am for my current health and circumstances, and very grateful. Every day is a gift especially if you have your health. I think this helped me to change my perspective, and also with age (I'm in my 50s).

As someone else said, there will always be people better off than you and others worse off than you. Perhaps some counseling may help, but you are not alone in your feelings. Others have been there too. Best of wishes to you and your future.

[civic94]

to the OP, if you love your husband and he loves you, i think that in itself is wealth. so many people try to find true love and fail. I personally know some folks who make good money, have a nice house and car, only to argue and divorce with their spouse. I'm pretty sure some folks would love to trade their wealth for true love any day.