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What do you do when you feel your life is a failure and all you can do is compare yourself to your friends and family?
My biggest problem is that I'm 36 and not where I thought my life would be. I thought I'd own a home and maybe have a child and just be living a happy life.
Instead, my husband and I have to live with my family because even though I'm a teacher, it's just not enough to survive here in NJ. My husband immigrated from Europe seven years ago and we didn't anticipate all the difficulties he would have with finding a job. He had a job he was bullied out of and then he couldn't find anything for three years. Now he's going back to school to become a counselor, which is what he did in his country, but that will take time. I don't know when we'll ever have enough to be able to buy a home or even a condo. All we do is save as much as we can. Forget about even starting a family when we are not stable.
It makes me really sad that everyone else in my life either has children, their own home, or both. I can't help feeling like a loser and always compare myself to them. I don't want to go out with anyone or see anyone because I just feel like they are judging me.
I always wonder what would've happened if I had done things differently. Maybe I should've studied something else, maybe I should've married someone else, maybe I should move to another state. These thoughts are constant in my life and I feel they are driving me crazy.
I think a lot of this that you describe is a state of mind. My life is anything but perfect, but I never compare myself with others. Why would I? I am my own person, an individual, and there is no one else like me, good or bad. I am in my late 50's and don't own a home and likely never will, but I can live with that. There are things about my life that I feel is better than some people I know, and some ways that are worse, that is just how it is. Try to concentrate on bettering yourself and your life in whatever way you can and not comparing, it will not serve you well to do so.
Last edited by brokencrayola; 03-17-2013 at 10:54 PM..
Reason: spelling
Well I grew up with the dad working and the mom stayed home and did all the work around the house. And so did the lady I married...
But when we got married, times had changed and both people had to work to survive. BUT we both still expected the wife to do everything around the house! (Both of us!)
Well that of course did not work. We had to learn we could not possibly live like we were raised.
These days it is even worse. Jobs are hard to come by and even when both married people are working, it is not always possible to make ends meet.
Anyway my advice would be to say "To heck with all this, I want kids and I am going to have them anyway!" Then whatever happens, happens!
That does not work for a house, but there are other areas of the country with a lower cost of living.
Be creative with your thinking. Some rural farm areas need live-in caretakers to help with all the animals. The housing is free in exchange for work. The kids in those communities need teachers. People need counseling. There are colleges nearby.
Also I read a book recently about immigrants moving to America - how nasty they were treated on the East Coast. Sounds like nothing has changed? Anyway the rest of the country is not like that. Some areas can be quite friendly, especially smaller towns.
I used to compare myself/my life to others and felt like a failure. I finally decided to accept myself for who I am and to be comfortable with who I am. Life is not always greener on 'the other side' of the fence and as Stan4 wrote: we don't know what is really going on in other's lives.
Other people may appear to have it better than we do; but that's mainly just an illusion we create in our own mind.
It's who we are on the inside that's truly important, not what we own.
I think a lot of this that you describe is a state of mind. My life is anything but perfect, but I never compare myself with others. Why would I? I am my own person, an individual, and there is no one else like me, good or bad. I am in my late 50's and don't own a home and likely never will, but I can live with that. There are things about my life that I feel is better than some people I know, and some ways that are worse, that is just how it is. Try to concentrate on bettering yourself and your life in whatever way you can and not comparing, it will not serve you well to do so.
My life is anything but perfect, but I always compare myself with others. Why do I? I am my own person, an individual, and there is no one else like me, good or bad. I am in my early 50's and I own a home and likely always will and I can live with that. There are things about my life that I feel is better than some people I know, and some ways that are worse, that is just how it is. Try to concentrate on bettering yourself and your life in whatever way you can and don't worry about comparing - in fact use comparison as a tool, it will serve you well to do so.
1. stop camparing yourself to others. there are many people that have a better situation than you, and there are more that are worse off than you.
2. if it costs too much in NJ (which i know it must be true) you can always move to a cheaper place.
3. if you have kids, your kids counsins (your siblings kids) will see who has money, house, etc, and that situation will get even worse if you still compare yourself to others.
for myself, all my family is in boston, I miss it there, but i moved to seattle because i can survive here, much much easier. even though i still cant adapt here, and miss my family, not struggling and living in a bigger place is definately worth it.
It's not easy for me to just ignore when it's in my face all the time. I get family and friends asking when are you going to have kids you're so old. When are you going to buy a house and etc. I feel for this reason I need to move away from everyone and start a new life, but I've been searching for jobs in different states without much luck. I"m hoping things can change within the near future.
I know how so many people in my life have what they have... most of it was given to them. They either married someone with money or they already came from a family with money where their parents set them up with everything and I wasn't so lucky. I'm happy they are happy, but it would be nice to have some happiness too and feel content in life.
My husband says I should go see some type of therapist that can maybe help me change my way of thinking.
I know how so many people in my life have what they have... most of it was given to them. They either married someone with money or they already came from a family with money where their parents set them up with everything and I wasn't so lucky. I'm happy they are happy, but it would be nice to have some happiness too and feel content in life.
and how about people that you know that didnt have everything given to them?
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