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I have for my many, many years been a "control freak" about my life. This issue stems from my childhood when my father controlled every aspect of my life from the time I was very young until I left home at the age of 18. Since becoming an adult I cannot deal with not being in control of my life 100 percent. In the past it has caused me some issues, but most recently, I am having a lot of trouble finding a dentist who will work with me on the level I require and as a result I am having a lot of problems with my teeth.
I need to get to the point where I am able to step aside and let someone do their job but I cannot seem to get to there. If anyone has had similar issues with control, I'd be very appreciative how you dealt with it and any constructive suggestions.
Well you are knowledgeable about some things - the "expert". And you would be best to do those things yourself or make decisions about those things yourself.
However there are many other things in life where someone else is the expert. Like a CPA, medical doctor, surgeon, dentist, car mechanic, etc. Those people spend many years going to school to learn their jobs.
Some of those people are quite good at their jobs, some not so good, some are crooks!
And being as we may not be experts in those fields, we can do things to check up on those people first to see if they will do a good job or not. The internet makes this very easy.
So for a dentist you can...
-Check with your state's licensing department to see if there have been any complaints.
-Ask everyone you know who they think is a good dentist.
-Google the dentist's name. And note many people have the same name worldwide, so be sure what you read about a professional is the same person in your location!
Then once you find a good dentist, he/she will typically make recommendations to you. They will say; this should be done, that should be done, etc. Just ask that they write those procedures down for you and say you want to think about it.
Then read all about those procedures - ask questions on the internet. Make a decision.
And then let the dentist to do his job.
To find discussion forums for this, search google.com for the words...
dental forum
dentistry forum
Etc.
Have you tried Nick Yiannios? He's excellent. Beyond that, be aware that dental problems are one of the contributing factors to senior malnutrition. It comes down to a simple choice. Do you want to be right or do you want to be healthy?
Beyond that, since I sense resentment toward your father, why do you continue to give him the power to control you?
Have you tried Nick Yiannios? He's excellent. Beyond that, be aware that dental problems are one of the contributing factors to senior malnutrition. It comes down to a simple choice. Do you want to be right or do you want to be healthy?
Beyond that, since I sense resentment toward your father, why do you continue to give him the power to control you?
I have had Dr. Yiannios recommended to me previously. In fact, many months ago, I called his office. When the receptionist answered the phone, I asked her what Dr. Yiannos charged for a consultation and she had no idea what I was talking about. She said... "Well, on your first visit we'll do xrays and and examination and then Dr. Yiannos will tell you what you need and then we'll set you up for your first visit".
That may sound like a perfectly reasonable response to you, but it was not to me. It is the same mindless routine that I have experienced with every dentist I have encountered. And I end up spending $80 only to find out that I cannot work with the doctor.
I think that the reason I have such a strong control issue is that I have no confidence in people. I have seen so many terrible mistakes that I cannot even begin to allow someone to make DECISIONS about me, my mouth, or anything else when I do not have the trust and confidence in them to not make a grave error. If you do not think this happens with dentists and doctors and other professional people, then you are mistaken. In fact, when a dentist or doctor makes a grave error you suffer with it for a very long time. Also, I know that many dentists are profit-driven and that they WILL give you treatments, procedures, etc., that are unnecessary to boost their bottom line. I am a business person, I understand this. So I am going to make 100 percent certain that anything that is done, is done with my full understanding and approval so that I am not forced to undergo unnecessary, painful and expensive procedures without my full understanding.
As far as my father is concerned, while it's true that he was a controlling individual which set me on the path, I believe it is the endless incompetence and ignorance of people which has cemented this into my brain.
I can't help but wonder if the OP's hostility toward doctors and dentists (which I have seen expressed in other posts of hers) somehow communicates itself strongly and then gets in the way of the doctor or dentist being objective and rational toward her. Communication is a two-way street.
To the OP: Have you considered that for the dentist to fail to do a badly needed procedure, or to do it halfway upon your insistence, could subject him to malpractice issues? He is simply not going to go there. There is something called the "standard of care", which dentists are taught in dental school. This standard is designed to insure proper treatment of patients, although you will probably interpret it as insuring the dentists' bottom line. Once you have become paranoid about something, it is very difficult to be rational and objective about it. You asked for "constructive suggestions"; mine would be to get counseling.
I have for my many, many years been a "control freak" about my life. This issue stems from my childhood when my father controlled every aspect of my life from the time I was very young until I left home at the age of 18. Since becoming an adult I cannot deal with not being in control of my life 100 percent. In the past it has caused me some issues, but most recently, I am having a lot of trouble finding a dentist who will work with me on the level I require and as a result I am having a lot of problems with my teeth.
I need to get to the point where I am able to step aside and let someone do their job but I cannot seem to get to there. If anyone has had similar issues with control, I'd be very appreciative how you dealt with it and any constructive suggestions.
20yrsinBranson
My difficulties may be for different reasons than yours, but...
I neglected dentistry out of fear, panic, and over-reactions to the environment (sensory stimuli, like the noise, smells, and sights-not to mention the pain-while being "dentistried").
I ended up meeting with a therapist/social worker long term, and we eventually found a dentist with whom we could work-
and I also connected with a psychiatrist who prescribed me a mild sedative/anti-anxiety to take shortly before each dental appt.
For a while, the counselor I was seeing even brought me to dentist & came into exam room with me, bc. I was so seriously terrified yet I was urgently in need of dental care.
Know it's excessive, but that's what it took to make these critical medical procedures tolerable for me-like I said, I do have issues.
None of this may be methods you'd be willing/able to do, and I don't know that what has helped make dentistry possible for me would be of use to you.
But I offer my story in case it sparks an idea that you think might make sense for you...
My difficulties may be for different reasons than yours, but...
I neglected dentistry out of fear, panic, and over-reactions to the environment (sensory stimuli, like the noise, smells, and sights-not to mention the pain-while being "dentistried").
I ended up meeting with a therapist/social worker long term, and we eventually found a dentist with whom we could work-
and I also connected with a psychiatrist who prescribed me a mild sedative/anti-anxiety to take shortly before each dental appt.
For a while, the counselor I was seeing even brought me to dentist & came into exam room with me, bc. I was so seriously terrified yet I was urgently in need of dental care.
Know it's excessive, but that's what it took to make these critical medical procedures tolerable for me-like I said, I do have issues.
None of this may be methods you'd be willing/able to do, and I don't know that what has helped make dentistry possible for me would be of use to you.
But I offer my story in case it sparks an idea that you think might make sense for you...
Thank you for the input. It's something to think about.
20yrsinBranson
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