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Old 07-21-2014, 08:14 AM
 
12,003 posts, read 11,851,991 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
That's good news. I certainly hope she accepts the help and begins the road to recovery
Thanks - that's what we all hope for, but my relative (please note that I deliberately didn't indicate my relative's gender) is refusing meds very adamantly at present, so we'll see. Intense anger continues to be expressed, and of course the forced hospitalization has escalated that anger. Once meds are ordered (may have to be a court order), we hope things will settle down and the anger and mania will subside so doctors can provide more targeted therapy to sort out the "stinkin' thinkin'".

Thankfully, substance abuse is not involved at all - this is more likely a biological/genetic issue, as my relative is physically healthy. Mental and emotional health are other issues, sadly. But the right meds, to sort out whatever imbalance is likely present, should make a considerable difference, though I expect it's going to be a long haul. Thank goodness for insurance.

And thanks again for your good wishes. Much appreciated.
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Old 07-21-2014, 09:09 AM
 
16,715 posts, read 19,355,889 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek View Post
Thanks - that's what we all hope for, but my relative (please note that I deliberately didn't indicate my relative's gender) is refusing meds very adamantly at present, so we'll see. Intense anger continues to be expressed, and of course the forced hospitalization has escalated that anger. Once meds are ordered (may have to be a court order), we hope things will settle down and the anger and mania will subside so doctors can provide more targeted therapy to sort out the "stinkin' thinkin'".

Thankfully, substance abuse is not involved at all - this is more likely a biological/genetic issue, as my relative is physically healthy. Mental and emotional health are other issues, sadly. But the right meds, to sort out whatever imbalance is likely present, should make a considerable difference, though I expect it's going to be a long haul. Thank goodness for insurance.

And thanks again for your good wishes. Much appreciated.
I don't know where you live, but in my state (Georgia), be forewarned: your relative doesn't have to stay there. They can sign themselves out as long as somebody comes to pick them up. My MIL always went down and got her precious girl out of the treatment center when she called her crying that they were trying to medicate her against her will. I hope your family is stronger than that.

I'm thinking of you. It's a hard road. {{{hugs}}}
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Old 07-21-2014, 09:29 AM
 
8,085 posts, read 5,223,001 times
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Sadly, I think I used to be that girl (although I am sane ) that called friends with my nonsense. In my 20/30s, I was very selfish & probably burdened people with my never ending issues, people doing things to me, never my fault... blah blah blah...I had had a really tough childhood & was never really taught how to cope with life hence my self absorbed "poor me, I'm the only one with problems this bad" ways. Now at 40, I cringe to think about the things I did/said. Ugh. Wish I could go back & fix it...

Anyway, I think you are doing the right thing, OP.
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Old 07-21-2014, 02:11 PM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
77,772 posts, read 104,433,328 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
I seem to be a magnet for the mentally ill. Maybe because I put up with it more than most people. I've even been told, "Why am I paying a therapist when I have you?" You know what? It's draining! Eespecially the ones who never move forward, create their own problems, keep repeating the same mistakes, are one-sided constantly needy friends. I realized I must have my own mental problem because no sane person would be so damn tolerant and selfless all the time.

I typed out what was basically a big long rant and deleted it. Bottom line, I am no longer going to be friends with the people I describe above. I don't care how mentally ill, how much emotional support someone needs. I'm done with the mentally weak users. I no longer have the need to "save" or "help" people. My days are no longer going to be consumed with supporting and motivating them.

I am going to focus on the people who matter most---myself, family, and friends who have the decency to ask me how I'm doing when they call.

I wish them the best. I hope everything works out for them. I've solved my problem.
Many of us have been through similar friendships and sometimes, even if it hurts or you have guilt feelings there is no other choice. We have had this experience a couple of times, once very severe. Luckily for us, she just seemed to disappear on her own. I am guessing she ended up in some type of home. It was sad, she was extremely bright, had good parents and a nice personality. She also had very deep seated emotional problems. I won' go into detail, it was 30 years ago. We had another situation not many years ago: again, the problem just seemed to solve itself. It involved a couple at our church, she, particularly had problems. For whatever reason these people seem to, eventually just go about their merry or not so merry way.
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Old 09-24-2014, 08:12 PM
 
1 posts, read 2,294 times
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hello all, reading this post has been both comforting and saddening for me. I just decided to end a toxic relationship with a friend who suffers from a mental illness today and found this thread luckily. This is my 2nd friend from child hood that I have now had to cut ties with. Reading all of your experiences has helped me feel a bit less guilty and its good to know that we have all experienced this or all are going through this. Its sad because all of your stories sound identical to each other or to mine, so this has become something so common in this day and age. Bless all of your giving and patient souls and those of our friends and families that we have had to let go. I know sometimes in life people have to part ways but its much more tragic when it involves mental illness. I wish all of you a wonderful night and thanks for sharing your story, as the givers you all are, you have given me peace of mind and perspective.
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Old 03-14-2015, 11:34 AM
 
1 posts, read 2,077 times
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Yeah I have a "friend" like that and I just cannot put up with the drama any more.... the thing is she guilts me into being her friend and yeah. How do you end the drama ..at this point I'll take advice from anyone.
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Old 03-15-2015, 02:00 PM
 
1,134 posts, read 1,120,937 times
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I have a bro that's a narcissist. We always thought he was just a selfish arrogant jerk. He thinks the world revolves around him and he expects you to jump hoops for him. My other 2 brother have nothing to do with him just because he's a downright rude person.

He admits to depression and has admitted himself to the hospital twice for it. He refuses to go to any kind of therapy because he thinks he knows more than the therapist. He's 60 & hasn't held a job longer than 5 yrs in the past 30 years. He blames my parents (for him not being born into a wealthy family), his employers, his friends and I'm sure me and my sisters because we finally quit jumping through hoops for him. He does take his med, but he won't change anything about his life.

I have depression and anxiety and go for counseling when needed and take the meds as prescribed. I've read so many self help books it's not funny.

He worked a job for 5 years and this is terrible to say, but family functions were so nice without him there. He got fired and came to my sis's house as we gather there every other Sunday in the summers. He threatened to kick my 11 y/o nieces' a** because she splashed him as he sat 5 ft. away from the pool as he tried to take a nap. Her Dad and him got into and he left. My sisters & I have just bit our tongues over the years because he's just selfish and rude.

He still called my sisters and me and sometimes we don't answer the phone sometimes because it's always about him and his problems are somebody elses' fault.

My son died and my family and friends came to the house that night. When he walked in I gave him a hug and told him I was sorry. (He hadn't seen my son in at least a year because my son had been in the Navy) That hurt me... He never told me he was sorry. He called about 3 mos after my son died and told me that a friend asked him how I was doing and the friend scolded him to call me. This was 5 years ago when my bro had the job.

He got fired and is now back in the family picture. I called to invite him for Thanksgiving dinner and told him that he needed to apologize to my sister, my nephew and his daughter for the blow up at my sis's. He argued with me that he had every right to go off on my niece. I told him what he did was totally unacceptable and he owed them an apology before Thanksgiving. He did apologize to my sis & nephew. I also told him that he hurt me deeply by not telling me that he was sorry for the death of my son and he said to me, "I was devastated by his death! I look at his pic everyday and cry!" I just said "How do you think I feel, he was my son?" He still didn't say he was sorry. He showed up at Thanksgiving empty handed as usual and was whining and made a racist/ political statement. He has no filter on his mouth. We dread every family gathering now that he's back in the picture.

I am so very tired of his "world." I am so very tired of giving to him while he "craps" on me and my sisters.

I am pretty much ready to cut him loose and I don't know how to handle it, but I'll get some advice from my counselor on dealing with the situation. He has never been there for us during hard times. He wasn't raised to be the way he is. I'm best friends with my sisters and my bro in TX. He acts like he's a king and we should bow down to him.

I know you can only give until there's nothing left to give especially when they're not willing to try to help themselves. I don't know how my Mom would feel about this, but I just can't do it anymore. We've been dealing with this behavior since he was a kid and it does wear you down.

I'm glad you posted this topic OP. I love RL situations on how to deal with or cope.

I am mentally ill being that I have anxiety and depression, but I'm a "fun" mentally ill person to be around! hahahaha
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Old 03-16-2015, 07:46 AM
 
16,715 posts, read 19,355,889 times
Reputation: 41482
You just have to stop dealing with him. Don't invite him to family gatherings. If he starts ****, call him out on it right then. Your family should stand behind you, but sometimes they will wimp out. All you can do is let him know that you won't put up with his crap.
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Old 03-20-2015, 01:51 AM
 
Location: Clovis Strong, NM
3,376 posts, read 6,089,416 times
Reputation: 2031
As much as I disagree with you on your choices, they're yours to make.

As for the friends that have been "cast adrift" and left to fend for themselves, I would say it's better to leave them be and just not think about them for awhile.
You know, find some new friends that aren't in that position and do whatever it takes to ease your mind.

Last thing you'd want to do is accidentally come across news of the former friend and find that they may have taken a turn for the worse.

Or in another twist of fate, they might've overcome their issue and have replaced it with a sense of egotism that may just backfire on you.

I'm just saying this because I am "one of those friends" and while the hurt was there, I'm slowly realizing that some battles and territories have to be fought and taken alone.

I can resent the persons that have chosen to ignore or abandon me all I want.
But after awhile, even that particular anger tends to go away once you've found something to be passionate about.
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Old 03-20-2015, 06:46 AM
 
Location: City Data Land
17,156 posts, read 12,910,902 times
Reputation: 33164
[quote=cam1957;38827163]I have a bro that's a narcissist. We always thought he was just a selfish arrogant jerk. He thinks the world revolves around him and he expects you to jump hoops for him. My other 2 brother have nothing to do with him just because he's a downright rude person.

He admits to depression and has admitted himself to the hospital twice for it. He refuses to go to any kind of therapy because he thinks he knows more than the therapist. He's 60 & hasn't held a job longer than 5 yrs in the past 30 years. He blames my parents (for him not being born into a wealthy family), his employers, his friends and I'm sure me and my sisters because we finally quit jumping through hoops for him. He does take his med, but he won't change anything about his life.

I have depression and anxiety and go for counseling when needed and take the meds as prescribed. I've read so many self help books it's not funny.

He worked a job for 5 years and this is terrible to say, but family functions were so nice without him there. He got fired and came to my sis's house as we gather there every other Sunday in the summers. He threatened to kick my 11 y/o nieces' a** because she splashed him as he sat 5 ft. away from the pool as he tried to take a nap. Her Dad and him got into and he left. My sisters & I have just bit our tongues over the years because he's just selfish and rude.

He still called my sisters and me and sometimes we don't answer the phone sometimes because it's always about him and his problems are somebody elses' fault.

My son died and my family and friends came to the house that night. When he walked in I gave him a hug and told him I was sorry. (He hadn't seen my son in at least a year because my son had been in the Navy) That hurt me... He never told me he was sorry. He called about 3 mos after my son died and told me that a friend asked him how I was doing and the friend scolded him to call me. This was 5 years ago when my bro had the job.

He got fired and is now back in the family picture. I called to invite him for Thanksgiving dinner and told him that he needed to apologize to my sister, my nephew and his daughter for the blow up at my sis's. He argued with me that he had every right to go off on my niece. I told him what he did was totally unacceptable and he owed them an apology before Thanksgiving. He did apologize to my sis & nephew. I also told him that he hurt me deeply by not telling me that he was sorry for the death of my son and he said to me, "I was devastated by his death! I look at his pic everyday and cry!" I just said "How do you think I feel, he was my son?" He still didn't say he was sorry. He showed up at Thanksgiving empty handed as usual and was whining and made a racist/ political statement. He has no filter on his mouth. We dread every family gathering now that he's back in the picture.

I am so very tired of his "world." I am so very tired of giving to him while he "craps" on me and my sisters.

I am pretty much ready to cut him loose and I don't know how to handle it, but I'll get some advice from my counselor on dealing with the situation. He has never been there for us during hard times. He wasn't raised to be the way he is. I'm best friends with my sisters and my bro in TX. He acts like he's a king and we should bow down to him.


Ironically, I feel sorry for your brother. It must suck to have a sibling like you.
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