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I must respect your personal opinion that Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a "scam," but how do you come to this conclusion? What causes you to believe these behaviors or titles are nothing but a scam?
I have a grown daughter who's shown unusual behavior straight from day 1 - the day of her birth. Those years were filled with confusion and angst for me. The ability to cope with her daily acts of revenge (even at age 2!) were frustrating and bewildering. I always wondered what set her off, until one day I witnessed her scrutinizing the pieces of cake I'd set out for her and her siblings. Her young but critical eye scanned over each piece, examining the very minimal differences in size. As a busy mother, I didn't take notice of infinitesimal size differences, but she sure did!
After taking notice of this, I began experimenting. On the days she received that bigger, but oh so minimal size difference of whatever dessert my children were given, there was no retaliation. On other days, I'd deliberately offer her the barely noticable smaller size, and there would be retaliation from her in some form that day. What a shocking discovery that was! There were many other instances in the day that could be as simple as dressing her in an outfit that she quietly disliked, or being the last person to enter the car. Dozens of ordinary situations brought resentment from her, and I never knew exactly what they were. It was her thought processes I was dealing with, and didn't even know what particular event, or even a non-event, would set her off.
She had a need to have the best, for everything to be about her, and to really be the queen bee in our family. Equality was never good enough - she had to have the best - always.
To this day, and she's in her 40's now, I still see her manipulating others for her personal gain. We do not have a good relationship, as she constantly tries manipulation on me, and I am exhausted and fed up with her lies and phoniness. Do I love my daughter though? Yes, yes, I do love my daughter; I really have trouble liking her though. I am saddened by this, for I deeply desire a close relationship with her.
My perspective is that she was born with a brain defect, never growing past that infantile stage of "all about self, her needs, and her desires," just like an infant. Normal brain function allows for growth, in which others come into our circle of caring. Everything she is though is all for herself, and I'm unable to do anything to help her. She's highly intelligent though, which enables her to easily manipulate others. Even considering her high intellect, she remains adamant that everyone she's close to in her life needs counseling to make her world right.
It's been a tortuous journey, so I for one, (probably among many others) understand that conditions like hers are absolutely NOT a scam.
Unless you've dealt directly with one who has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or Sociopath, you really have no clue.
Your daughter sounds like my friend's mom. She is noticing these little things with her child.
I remember one time we went to her house after finding we made the varsity team and her stepdad was outside and she told him about it and mom came out and was offended that she told him first. Her big news became all about her mother in no time.
This was a rather mild example. She is the opposite of her mother except for the high intelligence. Her mother was super sharp and she is highly intelligent also. She's also incredibly giving with little regard for herself. In fact I'm having surgery this week and she's coming to help me. I will show her the responses on this thread.
It appears from these responses as well as our research, little is definitive on NPD.
It seems as though it is for those in contact with these people to learn how to deal with it or not deal with it.
Well I had a mother who showed many of the signs of NPD and hate to say it but I've been happier since she died. Not happy that she died, but just more at peace with myself. My sis shows all of the symptoms plus ASD as well, but so far me and my girls don't seem to show signs of it. Not that I would admit to it if I did , but I'm way too neurotic.
Why is it not enough to say the behavior is selfish and manipulative (for whatever reason) - why does it jump to "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" or "Sociopath" (which are two different "disorders") ...
You have a point. Less than 1% of the population actually has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (although there are plenty of people who have narcissistic traits).
Narcissistic Sociopaths: Sociopath – Sociopathic Personality Disorder Keep in mind that there are personality types of which we all generally have a combination and personality disorders where the person is basically dysfunctional whether they will admit it or not. It is amazing to see someone with NPD. They see themselves as great spouses, siblings, parents, workers, great, great, great even though you can stand there with a list from here to eternity of how that just isn't the case.
Anything in the DSM is a list of characteristics and then a classification of such symptoms. Does a dog exist? They do but in determining if something is a dog, say you had never seen one, by the description you gave me, I could determine that it probably was a dog and what your best approach might be based on what others had experienced.
Personality disorders develop because of some type of trauma during childhood. Don't traumatize your child, and he will be fine.
I don't know about that. I've seen people with personality disorders that had idyllic childhoods and then some with no disorder that had such trauma it was amazing they didn't.
I am a firm believer in once you hit adulthood and have a life of your own, your choices become yours and you must own them. No more blaming and finger pointing. No excuses for your own actions.
Something as simple as the wife of a friend doesn't cook. She says oh well, my mother didn't teach me. Seriously? Rather benign example but you can understand my point.
I don't know about that. I've seen people with personality disorders that had idyllic childhoods and then some with no disorder that had such trauma it was amazing they didn't.
I am a firm believer in once you hit adulthood and have a life of your own, your choices become yours and you must own them. No more blaming and finger pointing. No excuses for your own actions.
Something as simple as the wife of a friend doesn't cook. She says oh well, my mother didn't teach me. Seriously? Rather benign example but you can understand my point.
I want to note that what is traumatic for one person is not traumatic to another. Something as simple as being burned by a stove can really traumatize a child...and lead to a personality disorder. What may seem idyllic to you may really screw with another person's head.
You have a point. Less than 1% of the population actually has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (although there are plenty of people who have narcissistic traits).
Yes, one in every hundred makes for quite a few. Reminds me of the failure rate for birth control pills being about 1% at one time and that seems low unless you are in that 1%.
Something as simple as being burned by a stove can really traumatize a child...and lead to a personality disorder.
One isolated event could not cause a person to develop a personality disorder. Your example may result in anxiety--or an anxiety disorder--but a personality disorder is a character disorder. It's an enduring way of behaving that results from many factors.
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, but I'm way too neurotic.
