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from me. But something tells me it's not. I dated what I thought was a really sweet and attentive man. He called every night and we talked for at least an hour and the conversations were always really interesting and we saw each other every weekend and had a lot of fun together. But then his sanity facade crumbled, or at least that's the way I see it.
One night in conversation he said: "I'm going to tell you something I read but I don't want you to think this has anything to do with you or your problems. I read an article that said that grotesquely obese people have probably been sexually molested in the past. . . ." Of course that's all I heard of that little story b/c I'm wondering why he had to preface the story as I am about 30 lbs overweight (as is he.) The more I thought about what he said the madder I got and even though I was exhausted I got up and drove the entire 2-1/2 hours home. What made it worse is that he had made a similar comment a few months earlier and said that I was the heaviest woman he'd ever dated but not to worry--he likes me just the way I am!
Now, here's the kicker and the reason I've posted on the mental health forum--as a retired clinical psychologist, he felt that both comments were perfectly appropriate to make b/c I should be more "self actualized" than to take that wrong and that this technique is often used in mental health therapy with those with eating disorders to shock them out of their obsession with weight. (I'm no more obsessed than anyone else though as an overweight person I probably do spend more time thinking about it than thin people.) I said BS and broke up with him. In fact, I have serious doubts that he did work with eating disordered people now but I'm feeling a bit disordered myself after these little gems.
He was supposedly so despondent over the break up that he kept trying to call one night till I texted him to quit and then he sent some disgusting and below the belt texts back to me (the man is 66!) and was really mean. The next day he was sheepish though did not apologize and said that it's very common in therapy for them to tell you to push yourself to the limit when you're feeling that bad, as it's the only way you will heal from the heartbreak and that's what he was doing. I called BS again but he assured me over and over that this is quite common in therapeutic settings. I still call BS as I do not believe that any responsible therapist would advise you to pull the other person into your poison. (At this point, I had only reacted with hurt feelings and had said nothing mean. That's no longer true but I surely wish to never see him again.)
I'm truly beginning to think that it's a lie that he was a clinical psychologist, which makes this whole thing rather dark--there was some stuff on google but not much. Ugh, got used by a gay guy in a 23 year marriage and now this. I guess I'm just trying to deconstruct. I think I'm the sane one, but don't we all?
Some of the craziest people I have met were clinical psychologists. And I will also include social workers, in that as well.
You can find a ''clinical study'', with research to back up the hypothesis, on almost any subject. The real issue, is can you find another study, done by other research, that gives the first study validity? And, research that is rich in self details, cannot be generalized to a population. An example of this, a study was recently done on the efficacy of rehabilitation for blind adults, out of the 50 subjects, some said it was the best experience ever, some said it was the worst experience ever. The conclusion is that rehab helped some, not all.
Don't lose faith in the entire mental health profession, based on one person.
Stepka, I'm really sorry you had to go through this. What a jerk!!! I've read many of your posts, and you have always struck me as a wonderful and insightful person. You don't need a jacka** like him. Who does he think he is?
In any event, you acted extremely appropriately, in my opinion. Also, you obviously listened to your own good common sense. You did the right thing, and I think you can be proud of yourself for following your instincts.
I am sorry that you got into this mess. The best thing is to cut off all contact, no calls, no texts, no meetings. He says your weight doesn't bother him yet he throws all this other stuff at you, so obviously it does and he doesn't have the balls to say it. You don't need people like this in your life, cut him off and move on.
Some of the craziest people I have met were clinical psychologists. And I will also include social workers, in that as well.
You can find a ''clinical study'', with research to back up the hypothesis, on almost any subject. The real issue, is can you find another study, done by other research, that gives the first study validity? And, research that is rich in self details, cannot be generalized to a population. An example of this, a study was recently done on the efficacy of rehabilitation for blind adults, out of the 50 subjects, some said it was the best experience ever, some said it was the worst experience ever. The conclusion is that rehab helped some, not all.
Don't lose faith in the entire mental health profession, based on one person.
No you're right. Besides, I think he's lying--it can't possibly be true that it would be appropriate to say those things to someone with eating disorders, and my dd has dealt with some of these issues before, so after that I don't want him around her. I had a long talk with a friend who is a psychologist and she was shocked out of her brain that he would say those things when he's done the work he has. I mean, the average man knows not to say those things, much less someone who's been trained. What could be wrong with someone like that though?
I am sorry that you got into this mess. The best thing is to cut off all contact, no calls, no texts, no meetings. He says your weight doesn't bother him yet he throws all this other stuff at you, so obviously it does and he doesn't have the balls to say it. You don't need people like this in your life, cut him off and move on.
Well you're right--it's just gotten weirder and weirder. He even contacted my ex-husband to ask him why I'm acting like this. Who does that? The ex told him he wasn't getting involved, which warmed me a bit towards him lol.
Oh did I mention that he also has the same amount of weight to lose that I do? Yep, he's got a pot belly of his own.
Well you're right--it's just gotten weirder and weirder. He even contacted my ex-husband to ask him why I'm acting like this. Who does that? The ex told him he wasn't getting involved, which warmed me a bit towards him lol.
Oh did I mention that he also has the same amount of weight to lose that I do? Yep, he's got a pot belly of his own.
I'm not really a regular on this forum, but for what it is worth, Stepka, you sound pretty put together.
And even if you aren't really put together, I love the way you write!
If what is true? That he really is a clinical psychologist?
Even if he really is/was one, does his bizarre and unkind behavior warrant not supporting the mental health profession? Isn't that a little over reactive to label the entire barrel due to one bad apple?
Stepka, I'm confused. According to the title of this thread, you've been giving this man money and may have planned to give him more. Why?
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) 
I guess I'm just trying to deconstruct. I think I'm the sane one, but don't we all?
