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The OP is talking about PTSD and her husband apparently is suffering from the horrors he has seen. I wonder if people do realize that War is not normal and he is depressed. Some people can handle being in the Military and there are those who can't. I'm just wondering if mental health is even addressed in Serbia.
Mod cut: Please keep politics out of this discussion.
Me and my husband earn around 550 dollars per month together. And when i pay electricity, water bills and other stuff, and when i buy the needed food and stuff for house hold, i must ask my parents or my husband's parents sometimes for help. We all live in the same village work in the same farm so they always help, "lucky" us. Actually my parents are one mile away and they hold bee hives. But that doesn't matter. My point is, if i spend all the money on the household, how am i suppoused to pay fancy psychiatrist to help my husband. And even when i do sometimes during these last 14 years, it doesn't help much. Once we went to Belgrade, the state psychiatrist suggested my husband should go to madhouse and be drugged to the rest of his life. He said he would feel dizzy and nice. What an idiot! At least when Serbia was still socialist, my husband could get his therapy for free in very advanced VMA hospital, it was Military Hospital, huge building, only soldiers were taken care there, mostly. I had apartment in Belgrade, so i didn't waste money on traveling.
While my husband was in VMA for first 6 months with worldly doctors, he made biggest progress. He couldn't stop shaking for almost 4 months. He had worse nightmares, he didn't want to go to sleep because of them, so he would fall a sleep in while talking or even walking, and then wake up screaming. But they fixed him somehow. I was doing and still do what they told me to. I was told to never question his fears, because he could feel as burden, and that cause who knows what. To never rise my voice at him. To avoid watching war movies or horrors. To avoid talking about the war, about which everyone in Serbia talked which is normal, so before i come somewhere with my husband somewhere, i had to give instructions to People when they meet him. Doctors told me to never sneak up to my husband. Told me when we sleep to hug him and always keep my face turned towards his face. I am ashamed to write this down, but they even told me to fulfill my husband's sexual fantasies , which he never spoke about after the war. And tons of other instructions. It did work slowly, but too slowly, so i wonder sometimes is it time that helped him or me.
The OP is talking about PTSD and her husband apparently is suffering from the horrors he has seen. I wonder if people do realize that War is not normal and he is depressed. Some people can handle being in the Military and there are those who can't. I'm just wondering if mental health is even addressed in Serbia.
In 10 weeks of war, he spend last 8 weeks captured and tortured. He was 19, he didn't even have his beard mature yet. Mental health is addressed in Serbia of course, but since it is not free of charge anymore after the fall of socialism in 2000, not all can afford it.
I was married to a man with PTSD from Viet Nam. With him you never would have known it except for the blank stare in his eyes. He held it all in and many years later had a complete breakdown.
PTSD is complicated. Here, his condition was never even recognized even when he did start to do strange things. I took him to psychiatrists but they didn't "get" it. So even if you do have help available, it is not always good help.
After his breakdown, the VA told me he was the worst case of PTSD they had ever seen. He was in a group at the VA for a while and the best part of it was that they TALKED. These men couldn't trust anyone else and they couldn't explain it to anyone else. Their experiences were so strange and bizarre and senseless.
But then the US got involved in another war and my ex husband started watching it on tv when he wasn't supposed to. He kept saying, "That would have been me."
Then the other men in the VA group got interested in the new war too and they were FOR it while my husband was against it. For that reason the group stopped being any help for him.
His behavior became totally strange and hateful. Everyone became The Enemy. He got fired from jobs because of the way he would undermine his boss. He took all our money and spent it to feel better. Finally he wanted a divorce and now he lives somewhere on his own and receives disability pay. He is better off now. The VA is helping him somewhat but he will never be normal. He lives in his own world.
I think all I can say is that what your husband is doing is perfectly normal and to be expected after what he has been through. You are being loving and supportive and that's about all you can do. Maybe a child will help, maybe not. Maybe a child will give him hope and something new to think about. Something to replace all the losses.
One thing, at least your husband is not holding it all inside. As long as he is showing his feelings you have something to work with and there is hope that he can heal from the trauma. The more he talks about it, in a safe place, the better, I think. As we used to say, you may never get over it, but you can get used to it. I hope for the best for you and your husband.
In 10 weeks of war, he spend last 8 weeks captured and tortured. He was 19, he didn't even have his beard mature yet. Mental health is addressed in Serbia of course,
While you are taking care of your husband, you need to take care your own emotional needs as well.
Besides the links that I provided for PTSD (please DO try it, EMDR is VERY effective in term of treating PTSD)
Here are also some very useful links for you. You are your husband's primary care taker, your emotional needs matter too.
The playlist is on the bottom of that page, if you can't find it, here is the list
Dr. Mary Rorro’s Playlist
Marchenbilder Langsam movement
Robert Schumann
Nessun Dorma
Giacomo Puccini
The melodic pieces highlight the viola’s velvety tone, and are exceptionally beautiful, placing the listeners in a contemplative mood.
Memory
Andrew Lloyd Webber
from the Broadway musical Cats
It seems to evoke recollections of buddies lost in battle. Lyrics are hopeful that through the melancholic remembrance of times long past, ‘a new day will begin.
O’ Danny Boy
Traditional
It is often requested by veterans around St. Patrick’s Day to pay homage to those who made sacrifices in service to their country.
O Mio Babbino Caro
Giacomo Puccini
A languid piece that lulls the veterans into a dreamy realm of peace and serenity.
The playlist is on the bottom of that page, if you can't find it, here is the list
Dr. Mary Rorro’s Playlist
Marchenbilder Langsam movement
Robert Schumann
Nessun Dorma
Giacomo Puccini
The melodic pieces highlight the viola’s velvety tone, and are exceptionally beautiful, placing the listeners in a contemplative mood.
Memory
Andrew Lloyd Webber
from the Broadway musical Cats
It seems to evoke recollections of buddies lost in battle. Lyrics are hopeful that through the melancholic remembrance of times long past, ‘a new day will begin.
O’ Danny Boy
Traditional
It is often requested by veterans around St. Patrick’s Day to pay homage to those who made sacrifices in service to their country.
O Mio Babbino Caro
Giacomo Puccini
A languid piece that lulls the veterans into a dreamy realm of peace and serenity.
I was married to a man with PTSD from Viet Nam. With him you never would have known it except for the blank stare in his eyes. He held it all in and many years later had a complete breakdown.
PTSD is complicated. Here, his condition was never even recognized even when he did start to do strange things. I took him to psychiatrists but they didn't "get" it. So even if you do have help available, it is not always good help.
After his breakdown, the VA told me he was the worst case of PTSD they had ever seen. He was in a group at the VA for a while and the best part of it was that they TALKED. These men couldn't trust anyone else and they couldn't explain it to anyone else. Their experiences were so strange and bizarre and senseless.
But then the US got involved in another war and my ex husband started watching it on tv when he wasn't supposed to. He kept saying, "That would have been me."
Then the other men in the VA group got interested in the new war too and they were FOR it while my husband was against it. For that reason the group stopped being any help for him.
His behavior became totally strange and hateful. Everyone became The Enemy. He got fired from jobs because of the way he would undermine his boss. He took all our money and spent it to feel better. Finally he wanted a divorce and now he lives somewhere on his own and receives disability pay. He is better off now. The VA is helping him somewhat but he will never be normal. He lives in his own world.
I think all I can say is that what your husband is doing is perfectly normal and to be expected after what he has been through. You are being loving and supportive and that's about all you can do. Maybe a child will help, maybe not. Maybe a child will give him hope and something new to think about. Something to replace all the losses.
One thing, at least your husband is not holding it all inside. As long as he is showing his feelings you have something to work with and there is hope that he can heal from the trauma. The more he talks about it, in a safe place, the better, I think. As we used to say, you may never get over it, but you can get used to it. I hope for the best for you and your husband.
My husband tents to suppress his feelings, but i drag them out, he is getting used to it, so he doesn't resit much now. Doctors told me to never let him suppress his pain. I had big problems in the beginning with that. I am sorry to hear about your husband and divorce.
He used to listen, before the war, much faster and more modern music, but not anymore.
That is great! If he feels better, that means we are doing something right.
Please DO take care of yourself too. Remember to drink a lot of water.
I will forever keep you and your husband in my thoughts and my prayer!
Keep us posted!!
((((( big hugs )))))
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